08-13-12

53rd day in Seoul.

What I realized is there are no words for love and when you have it, you trust, you believe in it and take a chance on it. You’re willing to sacrifice anything to keep it, no matter what the cost is.

Things are going busier and crazier! G-dragon and I are both working non-stop, he’s preparing for their comeback while I’m preparing for the magazine launch. Our schedules have been twisted and twirled that caused us to only see each other at home.

Yes, I’m still staying in his house and I don’t think he will let me go back to my apartment anymore. We’re keeping things cool and although there are still arguments and petty fights, we resolve it in a matter of an hour or a day.

The girls are right when they told me that there is a possibility that I might not come back to our apartment again after agreeing to stay with him, for my week stay has been extended. I also feel like we’re married already, I wake him up whenever he has early rehearsals or schedules, he wakes me up sometimes whenever my alarm is pissing the hell out of him, he drives me to work and goes home with me sometimes but during these past few days, I will wait for him to arrive from work and we are each other’s listening ears. We’ve adjusted well and is still discovering new things about each other everyday.

I woke up not feeling good, I’ve been nauseous and feeling weak these past few days, while G-dragon is already in the bathroom and is getting ready for their live recording (he wakes up by himself if he really has to, but it’s the members who wake’s him up with non-stop calls). I’m really not in the mood to do anything, it’s a good thing that it’s Saturday and I don’t have to work.

“OH! Baby girl…it’s still early” he said when he stepped out of the bathroom and saw me watching television.

“I’m not feeling well…again” I told him and he came near me and touched my forehead to check if I’m hot.

“You don’t have a fever…what are you feeling?” he asked in a worried tone.

“Nauseous” I said and he looked at me as if he has seen a ghost.

“Jiyong!” I called his attention and snapped him back to his senses.

“Did you had your period this month?” he asked carefully and I looked at him and laughed.

“I know what you’re thinking…but I’m telling you…I’m not” I told him and he sighed in relief.

The thought of being pregnant hit me as well, but I don’t have any symptoms of pregnancy other than nausea. And I’m not yet ready to be a mother, not now that my work has been eating almost my whole being up and I’m still exploring my relationship.

“Babe!” I called out to find that he’s smoking in the balcony again (I’m already used to it but I’m still trying to make him stop).

“What time are you going to the YG building?” I asked as I sit beside him.

“8am...why?” he asked and took a puff of his cigarette.

“Nothing…I called the girls and they told me that they are going to the office…I was thinking of going there as well” I told him and he wrapped his arm around my waist.

“You know…just stay here and rest…you’ve been working non-stop for a week…and you told me that you’re not feeling well…so just stay here….OK?” he said in a fatherly tone.

“But I don’t have anything to do here” I told him and he smirked.

“You’re body is not used to relaxing huh? Stress is already a part of you” he joked and I pinched his arm.

“Babe…stress is my bestfriend so shut it” I said and he kissed my temples.

Honestly, ever since G-dragon and I started dating, I feel like I’m giving my work a little less time than before. I’m not worried about it because I know in myself that my work is still important and it is still my top priority.

“I’m going now…stay here and rest…OK? Just call the maids if you need something…I’ll call you later” he said.

“OK…love you” I said as I wrap my arms around his neck.

“I love you too” he replied and kissed my lips.

So now, I’m alone again in this big house. I’m actually missing the girls and our bonding moments not to mention, I still miss my family.

*let’s hear it for my boyfriend….let’s hear it for my boyfriend*

“Hello?” I answered.

“SIS! We’re here at the office…can you come here?” Railey asked cheerfully.

“I’m not feeling well...and once Jiyong finds out that I’m there he will scold me” I said and sighed.

“When did Jiyong became a father to you? We’re going there in a while….we miss you!” Railey said.

“He’s just concerned OK…well…I’ll wait for you here…hurry up!” I said and we hanged up.

The girls are real psychics or our brains are twisted together that’s why they know what’s on my mind. Seriously, I really need some girl time and just talk about whatever.

“SIS!” Railey and Daryl peeked in through the room.

“OH! You two are fast!” I said.

“Well…we just checked the details for the party…so it’s kinda fast” Railey said and hugged me.

“Gosh! You’re totally a queen in this house!” Daryl said and hugged me as well.

“Stop it!” I told her and we laughed.

“So…what’s up?” Railey asked and climbed up the bed.

“Well…I’m not feeling well since this morning and I’m bored” I said and both of them looked at me suspiciously.

“What? You guys are freaking me out” I told them.

“Are you sure you’re not pregnant?” Daryl asked and I looked at her in surprise.

“I’m so sure that I’m not...I think this is just because of stress” I answered.

“But there’s still a possibility right? I mean…I’ve watched a lot of shows that talks about unknown pregnancies” Railey said and I looked at her curiously.

“But guys…that’s just impossible! I just started being ually active…how will I get pregnant right away?” I asked.

I’m really getting nervous about this, I keep on brushing the thought of pregnancy out of my mind for I know that it’s not the right time yet.

“It is possible…it’s actually hard to know because in your case…you have irregular periods right?” Daryl said and it made me think deeply.

I do have irregular periods that sometimes, I don’t experience having a period for a month or two, but I don’t really consider the idea of me being pregnant, it’s just too early to know.

“One way to be sure…you know what?” Daryl said and my nerves are shooting up.

“Guys…let’s not think about…you know…pregnancy…babies and things like that...I’m already scared” I told them and I feel my eyes tearing up.

“But sis…you have to at least check…right? What if…ok…what if you are pregnant? Of course you need to go to a doctor and have it checked and taken care of” Railey said.

“I don’t know…we’re not yet ready to be parents…personally…I’m not ready AT ALL! And that will be too much for us now…especially Jiyong and Big Bang will be active with their work once again” I told them and they nod.

“But there’s no harm in checking…you yourself said that you’re not pregnant so if you’re really not…you don’t have to be scared” Daryl said and I sighed.

This is not happening! It just can’t be! Yes, a baby is a blessing and it’s the most wonderful thing to have especially when you know that you and the one you love made it but in our case, it’s going to be really complicated.

“Know what…let’s just forget about this talk and go out…I really need some breather” I told them and they nod.

When I was in the bathroom, I was checking my body if it has changed but so far,