The staffs hurried me into the plane for the fans to calm down coz they are getting louder and is already making a fuss in the airport. I boarded with Cho hee and Ji eun, and the moment I settled myself in my seat, I couldn’t stop my emotions and tears came rolling down my cheeks.

“Ma’am…don’t mind them…they’re just curious and shocked…I’m sure everything will fall back into place” Cho hee said while rubbing my back.

“I know…but I can’t help it…and I’m not used to that kind of attention” I explained and wiped my tears.

I don’t know what to expect once this plane land down in Seoul. I know that in a matter of minutes or an hour, there would be new rumors involving me and G-dragon, and this time it would be bigger than before.

My mind is so occupied with so many things, that I can’t help but cry more. I am worried about G-dragon, Big Bang and of course, me. I know things can still be fixed and cleared, but it’s going to take a long time.

After 30 minutes or so, G-dragon and his manager walked in and the moment I saw him, I pretended to be sleeping. There are three reasons why I did that. First, I don’t want to show him that I’m being weak about the matter, as much as possible I want to be strong for him and for me. Second, I don’t want him to see me crying, it will just worry him and Third, I don’t want see him for the mean time for my mind is in a wreck at the moment.

When I felt him seat in front of mine, I opened my eyes and hugged the teddy bear he gave me that is seating on my lap. For now, I’ll just be getting comfort from this bear, I’ll just let this all be and sleep this off.

I wasn’t able to sleep but my eyes are closed, all I can think of is how to be ready with all the bad things to come, if you can call them bad. Because of the bear’s heaviness, both my legs went numb so, I put the teddy bear on the aisle beside me. I straighten my clothes, fixed my hair and checked myself in the mirror. I was so shocked with my reflection, I swear! I’ve never looked this bad since 3 years ago. My dark circles are super visible even with make-up on, my eyes are bloodshot (I cried with my contact lenses on…how good is that?) and swollen and my nose is so red. I can’t get out of the plane looking like this. Not with all the people waiting there, I cannot go out with my wasted face. Why does this has to happen?

”Cho hee…look at my face…my eyes are swollen, dark circles are showing and I feel like Rudolph the red nose reindeer…what will I do?” I said with worry.

“Ma’am…the reindeer thing is so funny…and take note of this…you said that seriously” she said then laughed.

“I hate this the most…my post crying face” I told her and she giggled.

“I have my make-up kit with me ma’am….we can fix that…don’t worry” she assured me and I felt a wave of relief.

“OK…let’s go to the restroom now…and see what we can do…I can’t go down with this face” I agreed and we stood up from our seats and head to the restroom.

The moment I stood up, I carried the bear up from the floor and placed it on my seat and he fits perfectly in it. We walked pass G-dragon and even with my back facing him, I can feel him staring at me.

When Cho hee and I entered the restroom, I can’t help but cry once again (What’s new _________? You know so well that you are a cry baby since forever). I’ve tried shaking the thoughts off but I think I just can’t. Cho hee hugged and comforted me, she, Ji eun and G-dragon’s manager knows about what’s happening between the two of us and I can feel that Cho hee is really feeling for me. Actually, awhile ago when I was trying to sleep, I have thought about the matter and my heart and mind are in a battle once more. My mind is telling me to give it all up for it will just hurt me while my heart is telling me to fight for it and it’ll just take a matter of time and everything will be back to being normal again.

After my crying session, Cho hee is trying her best to conceal the black areas under my eyes and make it look normal, but it’s not helping at all. My eyes are much more swollen after crying again and because of that, I just asked Cho hee to get my sunglasses in my bag for I cannot go out of the restroom with this super swollen eyes, especially, G-dragon will surely see me this t