July 30, 2013

A daughter is a mother’s gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of herself. And mothers are their daughter’s role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships.

I’m a year older again. Gosh! 23 years of being a pain in the to my parents and to people around me. This birthday is different from my past birthdays. I’ve decided to just stay here at home and just have a little celebration with mum and dad. I’m so pregnant now and travelling is going to be hard already.

I can’t help but remember my birthday celebration last year, it was the most memorable birthday that I had. G-dragon really put a lot of effort just to make me happy on that day, he even had this beautiful gift for me. I’ve never removed the ring that he gave me, whenever I look at it, I always remember the things that he had said and promised to me. He loves me so much and no one’s gonna leave. It just pains me because I’m the one who left but I still love him and even if I’m so far away from him my heart is still with him.

I’m on my 8th month now and I’m just waiting for my little girl to come out. The doctor told me that I might be delivering by the 2nd week of August and I’m thrilled because I really want to have Isabella in my arms already.

This stage of pregnancy is really difficult, I’m feeling all the discomforts once in a while and moving around is a becoming a challenge. My tummy is so big and I’m having a hard time sleeping, I can’t walk too much because my feet hurt easily. This is what a pregnant woman feels, it really is not easy.

Mum and dad are staying with me now because last week I had a little bleeding that worried them. Turns out it’s just a normal thing but still I have to be careful. I’m up for a natural birth and I’ve been reading a lot of books about it and also searching about it on the internet. I even watched some videos (it’s really scary) but I stopped it because it’s just giving me a trauma.

*let’s hear it for my boyfriend….let’s hear it for my boyfriend*

“Hello?” I answered.

“SIS! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Railey and Daryl shouted at the same time. I’m on speaker phone and this is going to be one loud conversation.

“Gosh! You guys are so loud! Thank you!” I said cheerfully.

“What are you planning to do today?” Daryl asked.

“Well...dad will cook something for dinner and that’s it…nothing special” I told them.

“I really wish to celebrate your birthday with you” Railey said and I smiled.

“I really want you guys to be here as well…more like…I want to be there with you guys” I said and they giggled.

“Everybody misses you already…no joke….even the boys are saying that” Railey said and I suddenly felt like flying to Korea.

“Really? I miss them too…how are they?” I asked.

Truth is, I’m dying to ask if G-dragon ever tell them that he misses me. From the way they tell stories, it looks like G-dragon is already moving on little by little, the girls told me that they always go clubbing and that he’s back to his normal self again. I’m happy about that, at least now I know that he’s living his life as I want him to live it.

“Yes! Jiyong also misses you…he unconsciously voiced it out yesterday” Daryl said and a smiled showed up on my face.

“I miss him so much as well…I’m actually being so emotional here awhile ago because I remembered his surprises for me last year” I said and I felt my eyes tearing up again.

“aww…sis…you and Jiyong are really going to hit the bell mark once you see each other again….I swear! You still love each other” Daryl said and upon hearing that, I felt so excited.

“But he hates me…I mean…I’ve given him so much pain and I’m sure that the moment we see each other again he will have a different girl in his arms already” I said.

I know that by the time we see each other again, there is a possibility that he’ll be with some new girl already. I’m so sure that he will not wait for somebody like me, who hurt him and left him without even giving an explanation.

“You’re being one negative once again…that guy is still your guy…he’s not even touching other girls now” Daryl said and I laughed.

It feels so good to hear that but I won’t be hoping too much, I don’t want to be hurt in the end. It’s better for me to think of the negative things than be all positive and in the end it will turn out the other way.

“I’m just saying…I know that it’s easy for Jiyong to find another girl…and if he happens to find that one perfect girl for him…I’ll be happy” I said and it hearing it straight from my mouth.

“That girl is you…I’ve read a magazine interview of him last week and he said that he’s ready to be single all his life…but if that special girl will come back to him…he’ll definitely welcome him again with open arms” Daryl said and I felt my heart skip a beat and Isabella kicked.

“Gosh! Don’t be like that! I don’t want to be so confident that he’s going to wait for me…even our daughter is being all so tingly right now that she’s kicking me non-stop” I said and they laughed.

“OH MY! You’re due date is getting so near…are you prepared for the pain…super girl?” Railey asked and I laughed.

Truth is, I haven’t thought of the labor yet. I know that it’s going to be a maximum 12 hours or even 48 hours of hell for me when that day comes but as much as possible, I’m brushing that off my mind for now.

“I don’t know…I have no choice right? This baby has to go out whether I like it or not” I said and they giggled.

“I’m pretty sure that you’re screams will reach Korea…I swear!” Daryl joked and we laughed.

“You guys need to be here! I’m really expecting you” I said.

“We will really go there coz we want to see our cute niece and we have some work to do there as well” Railey said.

“Work?” I asked curiously.

“Yes work…didn’t we tell you? YG entertainment will be having their YG Family concert there in New York by the end of August” Railey answered and I felt nervous all of a sudden.

“No…you told me that Taeyang will go here for some recording but you didn’t tell me that the whole YG family will be flying here to America…and it’s odd…I haven’t read it in any forums yet” I said.

WOW! So next month is going to be one hella month for me. I’m giving birth then G-dragon and I will be breathing the same air once again. I know that it’s impossible for us to see each other but, if we happen to bump into each other in the streets of New York, I’ll definitely flip because of happiness.

“Actually…President YG asked us about you yesterday when he called us for a meeting…we told him that you’re due by the 2nd week of August and he’s really dying to tell everything to Jiyong already…I’m telling you…if this secret leaks out…it’s President YG’s fault…he just can’t hide it anymore” Daryl said and I sighed.

“I’m sure he will not tell him…and I feel sorry because I’m being a burden to him” I said.

“Sis…I can’t understand why you’re still hiding…I mean…everything’s done now…Alfie’s is already shut down…things went well for Jiyong and Big Bang…I think it’s time to tell Jiyong that he’ll be a father soon” Railey said.

“Guys…I also want to tell it to him…it’s just that…I’m not ready to enter his world again…I don’t want to be the center of attention and it’s going to be really hard for him…because once our daughter comes out…and he happens to know about her…he will be burdened twice because he has to protect not only me…but Isabella as well” I explained and they sighed.

“Yeah…I understand…but that will only make things hard…sooner or later Jiyong will know about it” Daryl said.

“I know…but now’s not the time” I told them.

Our conversation got longer and longer and we just ended it because the girls are running late for their some activity. I know that they have a point, G-dragon has the right to know about Isabella and sooner or later, he will have to protect her too. My only fear is, I really want things to be in place first before their reunion. I mean, I’ve experienced a lot in G-dragon’s noisy world and I don’t want our dau