B#5 | North And South Star | REBEL4LIFE

✎ Steph's Bookclub Archive - For All The Completed Reviews -
ZsQDyX7.jpg?1
 

--❏ Steph's Bookclub Reviewshop ❒--

 
poster

Title

Author

Characters

Category

Genre

Status

North And South Star

REBEL4LIFE

Sehun & Kai

(BxB)

Angst, Sad, Not M-Rated

OG (6 Chpt)

Description

Sehun had always been mistreated by his family. He was always compared to his older brother about educations, athletics, and knowledge. He was always compared to his younger brother about cooking, cleaning, and structures of manners. His father desipline him more than the other two, his mother didn't put much attention to him, and the brothers...they care but they didn't do anything because they love the compliments from their parents

 
 

Title


I think the title sounds really nice and interesting, it's unique, and it also has a meaning behind it, the contrary of North and South, like the contrary of Sehun and his brothers, so it definitely fits the story, so that's great! [at least I guess you could relate the title to the story like this, don't know if that was your intention xD]

Descr.&Forew.


The description shows the reader what the story is about, that's great, the question at the end also fits it, but you could maybe show Sehun's feelings more, the first sentences are so neutral, and then suddenly there's this question, maybe make these things not completely different but bring out Sehun's emotions in the first sentences already and then the question, that might be better in my opinion.

Graphics


I really like the poster, how you designed the story title looks really cool, and the picture of Sehun fits the story pretty well, but of course there's no picture of him that would fit the story perfectly, I understand that.The poster fits the story great and I like it.

Char. Dev.


Kai is still a mystery to me so I don't really know about his background, and same goes for Sehun's parents and Jimin. Especially how Jimin once seemed like a good brother to Sehun and then later was just "his parents' son" like basically ignoring Sehun was strange, but I also don't know about his background yet. I think it's great that jinyoung cares for Sehun, it would be really strange if his brothers both ignored everything that's going on because that would be unrealistic in my opinion. I don't really know why Sehun didn't run away from home or got help though, after everything he goes through at home, there are people at school, and making his self-confidence completely disappear so he won't even bother to think of something like help is a tough thing to do so he must have been hurt by his parents for a really long time then. Why his parents act like this is another story, I don't know yet, but you should have a pretty convincing reason behind it, otherwise it would seem very strange, but I don't know about it. But I can't really judge yet because many things will be revealed in the future, and until now there are many mysteries - just make sure to make every character's acting have a good and convincing reason behind it.

 

Appearance


I'm a bit irritated by how the font changes sometimes, but in general it looks good.

SBC

Orgin.&Plot


The plot is really interesting, but it's not the first story who deals with this topic so it might be a bit cliché, but it doesn't really matter as long as the story deals with the topic of self-harming and not being accepted by your parents in a realistic way with deep thoughts behind it. That Sehun is the black sheep in his family is something I haven't seen often here on AFF so this part of the storyline is unique, self-harming doesn't have to be a unique storyline, just make sure to not make Kai a "Mary Sue" because that would be cliche.

 

Flow


The flow in general was alright, maybe a bit fast (when Kai started caring for Sehun, that was a bit fast, and when Kai's parents asked him if he was dating Sehun after Kai visited Sehun at home for the first time alone, I thought the parents were exaggerating with their assumptions after their son ONCE went to see somebody he knew from school), but in general it's okay, maybe you could slow down things a bit more.

Writing


Your writing is fine though some grammar mistakes disturb me, you describe everything in an understandable way and it's fine ^^

Gramm.&Spel.


There are a few typos in the story, not so much that they are bothering me a lot, just a detail I noticed. The grammar is pretty good, but sometimes the tenses are not completely correct [for example in chapter 3: "who could only looked away", I think it's supposed to be "look away"], maybe you could look over it once more, you sometimes oversee mistakes while writing and that's completely fine, just maybe review it once more.

If you're not a native speaker then the grammar is fine for that, I just noticed some mistakes and maybe a beta reader could help you with it, but for a not native speaker it's fine ^^

Gen.Enjoym.


In general the story is just about to start so I can't say that much about it, but it's an interesting idea and you never know what's going to happen next so you'll want to see what the future chapters are like. Just maybe, Sehun having a teddy bear is cute (though sad at the same time because he doesn't have anybody else), but maybe he wouldn't call it Mr. Teddy... but that's your choice.

 
 
 

Title : 9.5/10

Description & Foreword: 7/10

Graphics: 8.5/10

Character Development: 6.5/10

Appearance : 7.5/10

Originality & Plot: 7.5/10

Flow: 6.5/10

Writing: 7/10

Grammar & Spelling: 7/10

General Enjoyment: 8/10

75 / 100

 
© writerFairy Layouts 2015
Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
fefedove
#1
Chapter 100: Omg I don't even remember having requested this and never credited either. I'm so sorry and I'll do it as soon as I have access to a laptop omgomg