I love your unique title. But if it fits the story, I'm not quite sure. For me personally, when I read your title, I got another idea of what would be happening in the story. Well, good job on suprising your readers with a totally different story. It was not at all what I had in mind or expected of the story to become. Maybe we aren't far enough in the story, to understand yet why you choose that title. It doesn't sound boring and I didn't see that title yet here on AFF. But I still wonder why that choice? I give full marks because it does attracks readers and triggers their attention and curiousity. I would love to hear your explanation on this one.

DESCRIPTION
You have quite a long description, but than again everything is in there. The reason I wanted to read this story are because of the short summary/description, the characters and the poster. You give your readers a lot of information, but all relevant to the story. As from that moment on, you know what you may an can expect from the story. The information was just enough. I do like the fact you worked with the 2 POV's but than in the 3rd person of the main characters in your description. It gives that something extra to it. The characters are already introduced as well.

FOREWORD
Well, your foreword is like more a thank you note to everyone who helped you out with the graphics and advertising it. Also the usual disclaimer has been mentioned.

POSTER
OMG, I LOVE YOUR POSTER! It's like a filmposter for some kind of gangstermovie. Kuddos to the one who made your poster. They nailed the feeling the story should portray. As mentioned before, it was also one of the reasons I wanted to read your story. The poster displays the mafia, romantic and dramatic feeling. To be honest, again, the poster is displaying like anotherr story than the one you are writing. You can go both ways with your poster.

BACKGROUND
I like the background with gun and the red roses. It immediately gives you the exact atmosphere in which the story is evolving in. But it's a little bit too much as background. I would lighten up your background by leaving the title out or maybe put it in it but smaller. I would advice you if you want to improve the quality of your background to go and ask the opinion of writerFairy (My sister - she also has a graphicshop) Maybe she can help you, with what I'm trying to say. She will understand what I mean. But that's entirely up to you. I only want to help you to improve your story's quality.

This is one of the first stories with one of my favorite actresses in it. KANG SORA, I like her a lot! My third reason for wanting to read your story.

KANG SORA
She's somewhat tricky to describe. Even though you mentioned she is not bipolar, she do seem to have it in her. She is portrayed in a realistic. Fo0r me personally, I first had the image of her as a hardworking student, who didn't experienced a lot on the level of and everything that goes with. I rather thought she was like a good girl with a bad past, somebody who's loved by everyone. But was I wrong, it's like someone who doesn't deserve respect for what she's doing. When I was reading your story, the image I had in mind shattered completely. I was shocked, she plays the total opposite of what I thought she would be. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. It's like she wants to be like that, being a (because as sad as it is, that what you describe her to be) just doing what she wants, a little bit unrespectfull to herself with like no selfesteem whatsoever. I hope she will improve further on in your story. Again, you surprised me by letting her play that role.

BANG YONGGUK
Than we have Bang Yongguk. Isn't he something to be looking out for. I do see him completely in the role you put him into. So that part you nailed completely. He's also displayed very realisticly. He's like this fierce person that everyone fears and they start to shiver when they see him coming. But I feel like he's changing towards Sora, because he doesn't only want to use her as buddy. I do think an important change will take place further on in the story. He does teach Sora, that's she can be very good at one particular thing. They are so addicted to each other, even though they don't want to admit it. It will be fun to see how they will evolve and develop further on.

I will be very honest here. And first of all, the following things you're about to read can come over as rude and offending, but you have to know. I DO NOT NOR WILL I EVER HAVE THE INTENTION TO DO SO. I don't know what's going on with the appearance of your story. It looks so messy and for that it doesn't make it very enjoyable to read. It's like you change your font once in while and also the size of the font. The original is large enough to read your story. The story structure is present for a little part but mostly is like completely off. Maybe someone can help you by may inserting a chapter layout and structure the paragraphs you have. Also stick with like 1 font and everywhere the same size for the font. That will make it already a lot better.

Your story does sound cliche, but you are doing a great effort to make the storyline your own. And that isn't always easy to do. We also notice in your story that you put a lot of effort in it to make it a great one. You are on your way, but not quite there yet. I do encourage you to go on. If the plot will be typical or unique, I can't quite say yet, as I am still curious about all things that you have in store for us and that are bound to be happening next. So to conclude, it's not bad, but is does need a lot of work.

There is something wrong with your flow of your story. The first few chapters is goes great and than it become slappy and choppy. I would like to know why suddenly you start using the POV's in your story? Just because of the introduction of the POV's in your story it becomes a bit confussing and rather difficult to follow your story. So please, check if you can improve that part as well.

As I mentioned before, you do put a lot of effort in your story to convey your ideas and words in an enjoyable way to read. I admire that, but again you have a lot of work cut out for you with this story. You will not here me saying it's bad, it's just that there is still something missing. But keep on going, you will get there. You did a good job on describing everything in details so that we could like get an image of what's going on that moment in our head. As far as the M-rated goes, I would see if you can insert a triggerwarning as well.

I don't know if English is your first language or not. I would advice you to take a beta-reader who can correct all your little hiccups you made in your story. I think you were and still are over excited about writing your story, that you left us with a story with a lot of typos. It's like you wanted to type so fast before forgetting everything that you switched a lot of letters. Again, a lot of effort is put in this. But you need to pay attention to those little things. It gets very bothering to read a story like this. Again I'm not here to offend you. I want to help you out with giving you some pointers to watch out for. ;)

I'm quite fond of your story. Eventhough after this you might think I'm not. It's only that I can lie about this and I want to give you my honest opinion. Again it's only to improve everything about your story. I love that you used Kang Sora, this is my first story with her in it! And actually the pairing with Bang Yongguk isn't that bad. They actually quite match perfectly with each other in your story. Hahaha.. well I must admit, it's ty allright! ^^ My my my, you have a wild imagination. It's a story that needs only some touch ups and it can be great! Keep on going!