B#6 | Cynical Romance | beyondthestars-x

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Title

Author

Characters

Category

Genre

Status

Cynical Romantic

Beyondthestars-x

Jungkook BTS, Aaemi Kou (OC)

B*G

romance, supernatural, comedy, werewolf

Chaptered (Completed)

Description

"Loving him would be a sin. Being with Jeon Jungkook is like nothing I've ever experienced before. He makes my heart stop. He makes my skin sing. He makes me want to be weak so he can protect me. And he's so aggravating. Trouble. He's beautiful, flirty, smoldering and completely capable of making me lose my mind. And control." The story of a young alpha werewolf who suffers under the dark shadow of her father and step-mother. A girl who carries the burden for her pack, so they don't have too. A girl who's stepped up to replace her tyrant of a father and witch of a step-mother, to fix the mistakes made by her family. A girl who apologizes every day for her parent's corruption. The story of a girl whose past twisted her heart, made her doubt in fate and recoil at love.

Title

The title fits the story well! You chose simple short words yet still managed to attract the readers. Plus, it's relevant to Aaemi's character towards Jungkook so well done!

Descr.&Forew.

you gave a taste of what's coming without giving everything away. Although i think you don't need to repeat the "Loving him would be a sin etc" part, your description brought up the readers curiosity which is not an easy thing to do. So good job!

Graphics

the graphic is AWESOME! When i look at it, it sends me this mysterious and cool aura and it really fits to Jungkook!

Char. Dev.

Truth to be told, Jungkook's character was different than i've expected. I kinda expect a dark and mysterious for the first impression which is 180° different than he actually is. Instead of y, smoldering kind of guy, Jungkook was potrayed to a cheesy and flirty guy. But however, you potrayed that character very clearly and that's a great job. I also like Aaemi's character, which was aggresive and reckless at the first place, but instantly went to a softer spot when she met her mate.

Appearance

the font was small at the beginning chapters but then was bigger on the next ten chapters, then it was small again. Not only that, there are few sentences which has bigger or smaller fonts than the other ones in the paragraph. It would bother the readers for not having constant font size, i do hope you fix it.

Orgin.&Plot

This is my first werewolf!au fanfic i've read and i'm glad i chose this one! The plot was not too cliche or uncreative and you managed to give the readers the 'feel' into it. You didn't focus on the romance part but you put other problems so it won't get too boring.

Flow

The flow was smooth, slowly and surely, but i have to say i'm a little disappointed at the ending. The war between Aaemi's pack and the four pack is the main point of the ending and the in the story, so it's not the best place where you put a cliffhanger. It'll be cooler if you put the war scenes so it'll end nicely.

Writing

you convey the ideas and words in an enjoyable and understandable way. You put up simple words, yet gave the readers a clear image what you've been describing. Well done!

Gramm.&Spel.

i don't seem to find any grammatical mistakes in your story and i can't be sure because english is not my first language as well. But i didn't find any sentences in your story that might confuse the readers. However, i do find some small mistakes here. Like, on chapter three, "He y smirk" where it supposed to be, "His y smirk" and on chapter seven, "In front if me" where it supposed to be, "In front of me" there are a few more tiny mistakes if you look closer but other than that, you've done a great job!

Gen.Enjoym.

like i said before, i've never read a werewolf fanfic before and i'm glad i chose this one as my first time. I do interested by how you describe the wolf inside the human form and all other werewolf things which was new to me. Thanks to you, a werewolf story gave me a good impression! Hehehe

Title : 9/10

Description & Foreword: 9/10

Graphics: 10/10

Character Development: 9/10

Appearance : 6/10

Originality & Plot: 9/10

Flow: 7/10

Writing: 9/10

Grammar & Spelling: 8/10

General Enjoyment: 9/10

85 / 100

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Comments

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fefedove #1 Dec 23, 2015 05:56:43

Chapter 100: Omg I don't even remember having requested this and never credited either. I'm so sorry and I'll do it as soon as I have access to a laptop omgomg