Title: Blind Heir
Author: bts_kimtaehyung
Characters: Kim Yoo Jung, Byun baekhyun, kim woobin
Genre: romance, angst
Category: B*G
Status: On-goin (4 Chap)
Description: YooJung is a girl who is rich but blind due to depression. The only thing she can do to live in this cruel world is to listen with her ears. The only thing she loves doing is playing the piano. It shows her true emotions. Back when her father was still alive, she was not blind. She was adopted by a rich business man who owned a big company in South Korea, but she'd never see her as her own father.
---
What if one day, someone came into her life to change it for the better? When she could smile and have good time with him? Why would he betray her when she finally fell for him? What if a cold hearted man were to fall in love with her?
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"You were the only one whom I trusted, so why did you have to leave?"
"What am I to you?"
"Why were you just using me?"
---
A story full of:
Love, Jealousy, Revenge, Loyalty and Sacrifice.

Title (10/10):
I must say that this story was already a little time on my "want to read"-list, so when I got the opportunity to review it right now, I didn't hesitate. Your title is what drew me to your story to start reading it. It does fit the story so far. If you see the title, the picture or image that comes to mind, is like a beautiful sweet girl, who's blind, but loved by certain people around her. But as it says "Blind Heir", you may already predict, that the blindness of the girl is not the only that's going on. It definitely gives a lot of meaning to the story. As I sad before, the title triggers the curiosity of the readers and therefor draws them in to actually start reading your story. To me personally, I think you made the right choice by choosing that title. Because it doesn't sound boring at all.

Description & Foreword (10/10):
The description is perfect! Actually, when you start reading the description, you don't want to stop. It screams angst, drama and romance and those are the feelings that you should have while reading the story. So, *thumbs up!* As for now, we could only read and experience a little part yet of your story. From what I read already, I do think it will be a good story. It certainly triggers the attention and curiosity of the readers. The foreword you used for the presentation of the characters. So that's fine.

Graphics (10/10): 
Kuddos and credits to the graphic designer, who made your background and the poster. It does portray the feeling and the genres of the story very well. It's angsty yet dramatic and romantic at the same time. I love the background, I do think the background is related to the story, in that sense that with the use of the clock, the time is indicated. Also as it is an angst story, the colours are well chosen for the background. I love it! ^^ Full marks are coming up for this section.

Character Development (9/10):
I love how the description already describes a huge part of the characteristics of YooJung. You did a really great job on portraying all the characters in a realistic way. We meet YooJung as first important character. She's a sweetheart but unfortunately she became blind due to a depression. We also get a glimps on the before situation. I do like those parts. And we meet Byun Baekhyun, I do have mixed feelings about him in the story, because I don't know yet if he will be the good or the bad guy. And there's Woobin, who's mostly portrayed in Kdrama's as the bad guy, but I think you are going to get rid of that cliché and maybe turn him in to a good guy. To define the two boys, the story must go on and than we will get a glimps on how it's going to develop. This is as far as the characters go, ooh and before I forget, we do have our mystery 10th of July guy. I do get the feeling that this one is going to take a grand role in your story, but for that we need to wait until the story goes on.

Appearance (10/10):
The font is not too large or too small. It's big enough to read your story. The story is actually well structured and you can easily follow.

Originality & Plot (8/10):
For me personally, it could have been a cliché story, but I feel that you are trying to insert your creativity to make it a story that stands out. Which is good, because otherwise you could indeed put it again in the category of those cliché stories. From what I read yet, I do think there will maybe a kind of love triangle. But for me to decide that, I first want to read the story further and see how it will develop. You did your best already to set the mood for this story and depending on the next chapters, the story will have a mind of his own. In that concept, that you will do your best to convey everything in the story that you want. As Authornim, you already know how your story will develop. We, as reader, are only triggered up until now.. So keep on going!

Flow (8/10):
The story reads very easy and therefore the flow is going very smoothly. But I do think it's only for now the first chapters of the story. But off course again, we will see how it flows with the next chapters to come. As we don't have many chapters, it's going slowly to the main plot for now

Writing (8/10):
Your writing is very good. You convey your ideas and words in an enjoyable and understandable way. This story or I should say the beginning of it, was already playing in my mind like a movie. If you can do that to me, that means that you are doing a great job in using imagery to "paint the picture". *FIGHTING!*

Grammar & Spelling (6/10):
I don't know if English is your first language or not. I pressume not. You did a fine job on the level of the Grammar & Spelling mistakes. I hope you won't be offended by the list you will see below. I only did this with the best intentions and to give you some pointers and help you out to improve your writing skills on the level of Grammer and Spelling.

Description

She was adopted by a rich business man who owned a big company in South Korea, but she'd never see her as her own father.
She was adopted by a rich business man who owned a big company in Sout Korea but she'd never seen him as her own father.

Chpt 1

Being someone who's cold and now because of that, no one dares to approach you.
Being someone who's cold and know because of that,..

You went straight to your stepfather's room and knocked the door,..
You went straight to your stepfather's room and knocked on the door,..

You're too excited that there's a smile in your face
You're too excited that there's a smile on your face

"But with one term, you may not make friends with anyone"
" But on one condition, you can/may not make friends with anyone"

You stood up and said with a high voice.
=> maybe change the order: You said with a high voice and stood up

You screamed till your lungs..
=> could it be that you forgot a word? You screamed till your lungs hurt

Chpt 2

The maid stepped back and bowed even she knew that Yoo Jung couldn't see her.
The maid stepped back and bowed eventhough she knew..

The younger on bowed as he introduced himself.
The younger bowed as he introduced himself.

Baekhyun then nooded and left..
Baekhyun then nodded and left..

It was unusual to him that everything were brown and white..
It was unusual to him that everything was brown and white..

Chpt 3

He took a conclusion that it was a cracking sound caused by glasses which is thrown hardly to the ground.
He concluded/took a conclusion that it was a cracking sound caused by glasses which were thrown..
=> Maybe you can rephrase this and put something like this: It seemed like it was a cracking sound caused by..

He clenched both of his hand..
He clenched both of his hands

But Mr Kim kept on throwing everything from her desk to..
But Mr Kim kept on throwing everything from his desk to..

Baekhyun couldn't let his dad threatened like an animal..
Baekhyun couldn't let his dad be threatened like an animal..
=> In this sentence, do you really mean like be threatened by someone with a knife or so?
Or do you mean like be treated like an animal as dirt or something?
In the second case, it should be:
Baekhyun couldn't let his dad be treated like an animal..

He then knocked the door..
He then knocked on the door..

"I will revenge"
"I will take revenge"

"I will return and revenge, I promise"
"I will return and take revenge, I promise"

She carefully sat down to the piano bench..
She carefully sat down onto the piano bench..

"Do you know what is this?" She pointed the piano..
"Do you know what this is?" She pointed to the piano..

Her mom nooded as she pinched his daughter's cheeks
Her mom nodded as she pinched her daughter's cheeks
=> Pay attention if you want to use the verb to nod => nooded should be nodded.

She was about to stand up, she heard..
She was about to stand up when she heard..

There were a guy who's leaning..
There was a guy who was leaning..

He thought that she purposely ignored him, he's pissed off..
He thought that she purposely ignored him, he was pissed off..

Yoo Jung were too upset..
Yoo Jung was too upset..

Chpt 4

YooJung had been locking herself alone for a day.
YooJung had locked herself up in her room alone for a day.

"This is my first love. She died in an accident because of saving me.. "
"This is my first love. She died in an accident because she saved me.."/ She died in accident while saving me..

General Enjoyment (10/10):
I will definitely continue reading this story, as I want to know what's going to happen. You triggered my curiosity! It's a story that reads very easy for now than. It has the feeling of being rather a light version of angst, but maybe that's just the beginning of the story now.. I don't really care if that's going to change, I just want to know what will happen next. ^^ So I will await the next update! I do like this story a lot.

Total score: 89/100
Reviewer: StephLovesKCulture
Reviewed on: 06/09/2014
Comments and thoughts: Again as mentioned before, I really like your story. But I do have a question for you. Why did you start the first chapter in the you-form? I do like it better as from chapter 2 with the pov's. But off course it's your story so you decide how you are going to write it. Keep on writing! ;) FIGHTING!!


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