A lot of writer here do tend to use one-worded titles - they’re simple and easy to remember, however, that will only happen if it fits your story like a glove. Unfortunately, right now, I can’t see any relevance your title has with your story. The word itself sounds very dark and negative therefore when you readers see the title, they will most likely think of something along the line of underground gangs, illegal actions, or even fantasy elements. The word itself does draw readers in, only if those readers are looking for something dark or mysterious, but then they may stay and read your story after reading your foreword/description, which I will comment on later. The good thing is, your story is still ongoing and I’m sure you will somehow make the story up to the title’s expectations.

I really like the beginning of your description, especially since you’ve started it off with a definition of a word. Just by reading the first sentence, your readers will get an idea of what your story is about, and by then they would have made their mind up on whether or not to continue reading the story. Linking back to your title, I can’t really see any relevance so far between your description and story, but then again, you only have three chapters written.

I think your description of the story does draw readers in, unlike your title, as harsh as it may sound. Though, again, I can’t see any link between the story and the description, I hope your story will turn out to the feelings your description gives out.

As for your foreword, you’ve included the main characters and some quotes, possibly said by them. It’s a good idea to briefly introduce your characters and I personally think it’s an excellent idea to include some quotes by those characters. But one thing you do need to remember is that those quotes must appear in the actual chapters, either word for word, or something close to it. There’s no point in putting quotes at the beginning of the story if your characters don’t actually say them - this is a very important point because some readers, like myself, are really picky and they’ll most probably get annoyed if the quotes they’ve been anticipating since the beginning don’t actually come up in the real thing.

I really like the way your poster looks, so kudos to your graphic designer! I really think the way the girl is ‘half-coloured’, and the way she has so many words of feelings around her - this really makes the story look like it’s going to be very emotional. On the other hand, I feel that your background is too much. It’s a beautiful pattern, I must say, but it doesn’t really fit the story, nor the poster. The background, I feel, repeats too many times that when you scroll through the page, it makes your eyes go funny - that’s why I always tend to use larger pictures with larger prints for backgrounds, just for the sake of it being better to look at when scrolling through the page.

As you only have a limited number of chapters up, it’s very difficult to judge on your character development. Right now, I still can’t really tell what kind of people Hyemin and Yoongi are, so I’m just going to comment on what I think they are like. First of all, Hyemin. At the very first chapter, you’ve written her as someone that’s very dark and lonely, almost like she’s not being acknowledged in school, except for the boys who want to date her, most probably because of her looks. However, the more I read, the more I felt like she’s just very shy. Somehow, I can’t really get to grips with her personality. For Yoongi, I haven’t read enough of him to say what he’s like, so I’m going to leave him out because there’s simply not enough to make a full judgement on.

I think the font and size of the words are fine, so you don’t really need to worry about them. The way you’ve set your description out is very nice as well, highlighting the word ‘anger’ emphasises it, showing that the emotion is closely linked in with the story. One thing I would say about the foreword is that you should add in a couple more lines between the characters’ quotes and your credits to your graphic designer because when I first read it I thought they were credits for the quotes, so it’s best to either add in some extra lines or put a page separator in between.

The plotline is not bad at all, but one major problem I have with this is that this is extremely similar to one of the mangas I’ve read in the past called Haru Matsu Bokura. Once I’ve read the third chapter of your story, the plotline of that particular manga comes into my mind. I was only half way through your third chapter and I could already predict what was going to happen at the end of the chapter because of its striking resemblance to the manga. I’m not saying you’re copying the manga but similarities like this are ambiguous - you can argue you’ve been inspired by that manga, but others can argue back that you’ve stolen someone else’s ideas, you need to be very careful with where you’re going with your plot from now on. If this plot get any closer to that manga, you’ll end up in a grey area where it’ll be very difficult to justify yourself properly.

I think the flow of your story is going nicely, despite the similarities to the manga. However, I’m only judging on the three chapters you have. I hope you keep this kind of flow in the future as it’s very easy to follow and understand.

You’ve used some imagery but I wouldn’t say you’ve used a lot. The descriptions you have are quite simple, and therefore easy to understand even with only a basic knowledge of the language. I think in order for you to improve in this area is to use more complicated and sophisticated words to make your writing more refined, though this may not be the best option if it’s your intention to keep it nice and simple.

I feel that in terms of grammar, some work is needed for you to improve. I see that the main tense you’re writing in is the past tense, but at places, you’re using the present tense, which means that your tenses are not consistent. For example:

Original: I have a bad feeling about this.
Corrected: I had a bad feeling about this.
Explanation: The original sentence itself doesn’t have any problems in terms of tenses, but because you have been writing in the past tense for the surrounding sentences, this sentence must be in the past tense as well.

Original: Both of us walk side by side together, passing by the shops in silent.
Corrected: Both of us walked side by side together, passing by the shops in silence.

Other than this, I think you tend to miss out words a lot. For example:

Original: She had her hair tied into a ponytail, her tie was all messed up and a tracksuit underneath her skirt.
Corrected: She had her hair tied into a ponytail; her tie was all messed up and she wore a tracksuit underneath her skirt.

Another thing I’ve found in your writing is your plural words. When you use a plural, you must change the ending of the verbs.

Original: Yes, a man just destroy a woman's life.
Corrected: Yes, a man just destroys a woman's life.

Original: This girls are talking about you.
Corrected: Those girls are talking about you.

Original: He was a funny guy, his jokes wasn't really a good one but they amused me.
Corrected: He was a funny guy, though his jokes weren't really good, they still amused me.

In terms of punctuation, you’ve done quite well with them, just a few problems with semi-colons and colons, as well as dashes. One problem I want to point out is that you’ve been putting commas at the end of a person’s speech even though there’s no continuation of it after the description or verb. Also, you’ve been starting new lines for the same character’s speech even though no other character has talked in between.

I think the starting point of your story was really good, especially since I’m really getting into BTS these days, haha. But the problem came for me when I realised the similarities between your story and that manga - that kind of ruined my excitement for this story. Though I think I would have learnt to enjoy it a bit more if there was more to read. But, nonetheless, you’ve done a good job in starting the story!