B#6 | I'm A Woman Too | ror169

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Title

Author

Characters

Category

Genre

Status

I'm A Woman Too

Author

Taehyung, Minah (OC)

Romance, drama, angst

Boy x Girl

Chaptered (Ongoing - 9 Chpt)

Description

Taehyung was just a normal, levelheaded sophomore at college until he was dragged into a forced marriage. A marriage that could drive him a whole emotional roller coaster.

Title

I don't understand why it is, "I'm a woman too" when Minah was the older one and she treats Taehyung like a little brother. Shouldn't it be something like, "I'm a man too"?. The plot and the title was opposite which does the fit the story and no meaning that was relevant to the story. My first thought when I saw the title was, "So the story is probably about Taehyung meeting a younger girl and then the girl was frustrated that she was also treated like a little sister, then in the end they got together," It totally suprise me (not in a good way) when I read your story.

Descr.&Forew.

It was really straight forward : Taehyung got dragged into a forced marriage" To me, it shows everything about the story already, it wasn't difficult to guess as well. But of course readers would love to know what is going to happen next.

Graphics

It did fit the story well but I was thinking that Taehyung's place in the poster could have been in the middle instead of Irene since is fill with a little bit of 'Love Triangle'. Of course, you may have wanted Irene in the middle because she was after all, in the story, the 'middle' person because she was made Taehyung stuck between who to choose. Like in a pathway, she is blocking him or some sort until they broke up.

Char. Dev.

This is actually the first time I had read that the main girl was okay with the boy having another girlfriend. Do people react this way in real life? I don't think so. Your character does not change much except for thier feelings. Minah was just a caring and kind girl and Taehyung was caring as well. In other words, the characters care about each other. While BTS members were all really playful. Nothing much changed while I was reading your story.

Appearance

The font is perfect and the story is structured clearly, in a way that the readers can comprehend easily. However, you tend to repeat the same words over and over again. Like in chapter 7, Seungyoon told Minah, "It's been a while" and then Minah repeated the same thing which is weird because I can't imagine people saying that to each other in real life. There are many other sorts of greeting, you can research more on them.

Orgin.&Plot

I believe there are many stories like this, so I was never really interested in reading, "Arranged Marriage" stories. However, I'm glad you at least changed something. Like how Taehyung was married but he still had a girlfriend (until they broke up of course), usually when I first came to AFF, I was really open-minded and read about almost everything, one of the genres included arranged marriage and most of it have similar main ideal ike this : Forced to married. Things happen. Fell in love in the end. And the 'Things happen' usually it includes them fighting over things, bickering at each other and so on... Therefore, its a good thing that your had written something like a 'new problem' introduced to the story.

Flow

I believe you could have written a more well-developed introduction. Not jump straight the the plot. You have written in such a way that sometimes, I feel as if I was going to fall asleep. To me, it was going too slow, instead of writing unecessary scenes in the story, why not focused more on the important ones?

Writing

It was easy to understand what you are trying to say but it was really straightforward. Basically, (for example), you are writing something like this : Minha woke up and brush her teeth. She changed her clothers and went to the university. You could have described it in a more better way like 'painting a picture' in the story type.

Gramm.&Spel.

There wasn't any errors I could find in this category considering that most of the chapters have been beta-read by your beta-reading.

Gen.Enjoym.

I don't actually hate it but your writing style does not suit me at all. There were way too many, 'Name-ssi" throughout the story. Plus, there wasn't much interesting vocabulary. You use more of a 'tell' than a 'show' in the story. Its more better if you include descriptive words. And the way you potray the characters was not to my taste. I won't excatly 'find myself wanting to read more'.

Title : 2/10

Description & Foreword: 5/10

Graphics: 7/10

Character Development: 6/10

Appearance : 7/10

Originality & Plot: 6/10

Flow: 3/10

Writing: 2/10

Grammar & Spelling: 10/10

General Enjoyment: 0/10

48 / 100

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fefedove #1 Dec 23, 2015 05:56:43

Chapter 100: Omg I don't even remember having requested this and never credited either. I'm so sorry and I'll do it as soon as I have access to a laptop omgomg