Title: Blindfolded
Author: Minderaser
Characters: Lihua (OC), Kim Jaejoong, and Nam Jaehoon (OC)
Genre: Angst, Romance
Rating: /
Status: On-going (1 chap)
Description: Text.

Title (10/10):
I like one-word titles. I think it's smart and neat. I like how it's simple but effective. Blindfolded gives me the impression that the main character has not opened her/his eyes to the real world. I like how the title is relevant to the story so far.

Description & Foreword (5/10):
I liked reading your description of the story. It gave off that mysterious vibe which plays a big part for this story (I think), but the reason as to why you only got a 5 out 10 is because it felt a little too boring. You need to make it more... fascinating, even a cliffhanger would do it or a rhetorical question. I think you need to erase either alone or lonely in the description because to me, they are basically the same words, etc. but of course, that is all up to you. I felt that by reading both your description and foreword, it felt a little similar to this manga called Dengeki Daisy so I have to ask you, is your story based on it? :3 if it is, don't overdo it though so that your story will have its uniqueness and originality of some sort.

Graphics (4/10): 
Sorry for giving you a low mark but although your poster looks great, it doesn't really match with what I have read so far. I felt that the color, brown, doesn't match with the feel. Maybe a fading blue would do it? And I think a background would even be better. It keeps the reader's feelings the same throughout the story.

Character Development (6/10):
I won't give any more or any less than that as you only have one chapter up. From what I've read so far, I do not like Hana's personality along with Lihua's. Sorry. Lihua, to me, felt a little too stubborn and she gave off that 'rude' impression, especially, with the grocery shopping thing. I do not like how she kept telling the cashier to hurry up. Honestly, she could have said it in a much nicer way. The only character I like in the story is Jaejoong. I like his 'bad/cold-city' guy look. It makes the readers wander who he is and how he will play a big part on the story. I think you could have gone more into depth with Jaehoon's attitude and thoughts, etc. along with Lihua, seeing as she is the main character of a dead brother.

Appearance (7/10):
I like how you laid the story out, well to be more precise, I like how you laid out the foreword and description. I like how the fonts are quite small but large enough for us, readers, to read. You should make your writing font smaller for the first chapter as well so that everything will match. I don't like how there's that one big paragraph at the start of your chapter, do miss a line.

Originality & Plot (5/10):
Again, I have only read the description, foreword and the 1st chapter of the story so I only gave you 5 points for that. I felt that some parts of the story were a little too cliche, or rather the characters' personalities were a little... shallow. Some of the characters, such as Jaehoon, is similar to Dengeki Daisy's boy character as well but maybe it's just me. Do go in depth with the story and try to make Lihua's personality show throughout as I didn't really get a lot of insight towards her background and such. I expected that seeing as she is the main character of the story.

Flow (5/10):
I felt that it was a little too fast. From the beginning and all through to the end. I wish you could have gone more into depth as to what had happened before the 5year gap.

Writing (4/10):
While reading the first chapter, I was a little disappointed as I had expected better like how you moved us with your description and such. I felt that the chapter dragged on a bit and that it went too fast as well. I also think that some parts were unnecessary but of course, it is just the beginning of your story so I can't really beg to differ with that fact.

Grammar & Spelling (6/10):
I have not even passed the 2nd paragraph of the story and already, I could spot a few mistakes. Here's one at the very beginnining: "Alright Lihua...," trailed the man seated across the desk. He bit down on his bottom lip in thought as his eyes scanned through the paperwork. He looked up from the papers and folded his arms in front of him, slightly leaning in closer to the client for better eye contact. "I'm sure your aware of the fact that by law I can't allow you to live by yourself due to your age. You need a legal guardian."

Revised version:

"Alright Lihua," the main trailed across the desk.

He bit his lips as thoughts ran through his mind. His eyes scanned through the paperwork.

After a minute or so, he looked up from the papers and folded his arms in the process of doing so.

The man slightly leaned in closer to his client for better eye contact before he opened his mouth to speak, "I'm sure you're aware of the fact that by law, I cannot allow you to live by yourself due to your age." He paused to check his client's expression before going on, "You need a legal guardian."
Other than that, everything was okay (I think), just do check if you are unsure of something. Google won't bite.

General Enjoyment (6/10):
I adore your writing style. I wish the first chapter could have been more in depth with the main character and her background, etc. Do reread your story in case you spot any mistakes or hire a beta. I highly recommend it.

Total score: 58/100
Reviewer: Marmalody
Reviewed on: 16/08/2014
Comments and thoughts: I can't wait to read more about Jaejoong and how he is going to play a big part. So full of mystery >.<


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