Title: Broken Guitar String
Author: dyodyopie
Characters: Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Kai, DO
Genre: Romance, Angst, Tragedy, , Drama
Rating: /
Status: Completed (One-Shot)
Description: Our love was like an incomplete but beautiful and marvelous piece of music beign played by my guitar .....

Title (8/10):
Your title, Broken Guitar String, screamed out ANGST. The moment I laid my eyes on it, I knew it was gonna be angst-themed or a sad-centered oneshot. So for that, I gave you points. Your title is also relevant to the story itself and I like how it is more of a 'metaphor'. It makes people wonder what the oneshot is really going to be about. The reason why I did not give you a full mark is because it's got that 'meh' feeling to it. When I first read the title, I didn't really feel anything, to be honest, but other than that, well done.

Description & Foreword (7/10):
I really love your description. It's so.. mysterious and sad in a way. I loved how you laid it out as well. Your foreword is misleading though. After reading your foreword, I thought it was going to be somewhere along the line, "We'll get through this together." And it's way different from the actual plotline. I also felt that your trailer gave away too much, especially with the Jongin and Baekhyun part. I felt that everything was said there and then. For me, I would have wanted a little 'hangover' if you know what I mean but good job on your description. I am honestly in love with it. Again, it gives off that 'sad-romance' feeling.

Graphics (10/10):
I love the background and the poster. It suits the theme well. I like how the main colors are blue and black and how parts of it are white and red. It suits with the conflict.

Character Development (8/10):
I personally like how Baekhyun is portrayed here. I also like how at the end, Jongin just went 'mental' in a way after finding out about Baekhyun's death and knowing he played a part in Baekhyun's death. I think you could have developed Chanyeol's personality more. He only really had a big part towards the end. It felt as though as if his personality and attitude was unfinished. It felt like he was just a minor character. I think you could have explained a little as to why Kyungsoo took up gambling and why he went from the loving sweet husband of Jongin's to someone unrecognizable.

Appearance (6/10):
The use of fonts gave me a headache. If you do write, stick with one font and with one color. You had a lot of gray-colored fonts and I can see why but I think it would've been better if it was left as a black-colored font. If you want your readers to know that you are writing a flashback, just put it into italics. Not gray-colored fonts, etc. I'm sorry but the bolded parts aren't working out for me. You don't need to change it, but I felt you abused it. I also don't like how you have words jumbled up into one paragraph. I think you have overdone it with the paragraphs. Remember, you can miss a line and start a new paragraph. This is helpful so that the readers won't get lost in the middle of a big paragraph.

Originality & Plot (7/10):
I won't lie and say I've never read a plot like this before because in all honesty, I have. Like twice or more. But I love how you made it your own plot. I like how you OWNED it and this is good. I like how there's a number of conflicts and how you asked a rhetorical question at the end about deciding who really ruined the relationship (I for one, think Chanyeol ruined it cx), I like how you got the readers, us, thinking.

Flow (7/10):
Your flow was spot on. It felt like I was walking through a movie, watching scene after scene. But the reason why I did not give you a full mark was that I thought that the part where Baekhyun fell in love with Jongin was too fast. You didn't give us an insight as to how he fell in love with Jongin. I felt it was all too fast.

Writing (7/10):
I really like your writing style and I enjoyed picturing images in my mind as you narrated although there were some mistakes that made me stop for a while which we will go on next.

Grammar & Spelling (5/10):
I could not really spot any spelling mistakes so well done for that but the grammar was pretty bad. Especially with the tense. I think you need to really work on it. The story gave me a headache. You kept switching from past tense to the present tense. What next? Future tense? If you are not confident with your english, do get a beta reader.

General Enjoyment (7/10):
I liked reading your story although it was only a oneshot but I think it's better with a oneshot. I honestly like how there's so much conflicts. I did not see the 'Baekhyun cheated on Chanyeol with JONGIN' part. Poor Chanyeol. Kyungsoo, stop doing those sh!t! Excuse my language. I cannot believe two people died. Love is so evil and you portrayed that beautifully. Do write more stories like that, preferably, EXO ones c;;. Author-nim fighting and good luck with the contest(s) ^^

Total score: 72/100
Reviewer: Marmalody
Reviewed on: 16/08/2014
Comments and thoughts: Do smile because your story was a pleasure to read (hence, I subscribed and upvoted c;;) Do not get discouraged after reading your review. Sorry if was harsh on you. Do come back for more ^^ Fighting!


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