B#1 | Giclée (Hand Sanitiser) | marmalody

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Giclee (Hand Sanitiser) by marmalody 
 

Title: Giclee (Hand Sanitiser)
Author: marmalody
Characters: Tao & Kris
Genre: Fluff Romance,
Rating: /
Status: Completed
Description:Tao hates germs ....


Title (8/10):
It is a unique title and if I ever will and would scroll through the list of stories on AFF, your story will definitely get my attention. I have never seen it on AFF thus making it eye catching and it is relevant to the story plotting and all so, well done. However your title do not show any signs of fluff or romance. It would be good if you can change it to something as unique as title now and make it sound more fluff, this will make it more eye catching. If you do not want to change it, it is fine too but maybe you should just stick with 'Hand Sanitiser' it is more commonly known to readers than 'Giclee' putting the () there isn't nice at all.

Description & Foreword (6/10):
Your description is basically just about how Tao hates germs and bacteria. Him and his beloved hand sanitiser, how he gets freaked out getting touch by people expect for Kris. At the start it kinda bored me out already, it made me feel like I am reading a medical report but at the end of the description, you made me wonder why? Why on earth is he afriad of all germs from other people but not Kris. This is good but perhaps a bigger question mark for the readers and lesser description on Tao's silly fear would be good. Your foreword is fine. Not much problem I guess. Not wrong, no harm in crediting the shops and mentioning how you get the idea. The trailer is just the description so, yeah I can add marks from your trailer however it gives of a sense of fluff.

Graphics (8/10): 
Good but not the best, but still good enough for a simple, cute, fluff and romance story. I am actually wondering how weird would it look if the graphic artist actually put a bottle of Detol as the Background. LOL but I notice it was actually just an office area. Like being plotted in the storyline which is good, okay. Perhaps putting a germs or a quote that will make the readers more interested or at least have a good laugh. However it do seems a little plain to me. Perhaps making it into a animated poster would be more interesting for a cute story like yours. Background is fine :) I notice your poster, story's title is 'Hand Sanitizer' so maybe you should change your title to that too?

Character Development (6/10):
Need more elaborations, you can tell me Tao and Kris character fairly well but it seems that Kris is like those perfect byfriend type which is pretty often seen so change it if you can. Tao is just a scardy cat when he come in contacts with germs so yeah pretty unique but still need more elaboration. I mean come on, if he is really scared or hates them, he could have gone more extream than just using hand sanitizers.

Appearance (7/10):
Font is fine but it was a bit messy at the start but as you continue to write it, it gets better. Perhaps using another font ot bold the words when it comes to the character's thoughts? This will help smooth the reading flow.

Originality & Plot (8/10):
Original and unique! Perfect for fluff lovers and Taoris shipper. Only problem is that Kris is like a ''perfect boyfriend''. Come on, if you did something wrong, your boyfriend won't even dare to speak up to the boss of the office. *Unless he owns the company or he is freaking rich or he super love you* but in reality the case is seldom seen. Half of the story plot is in an lift/ elevator. Seems a bit like a grandpa elevator but I just took it that it happens in one minute time. The home date is another half which is romantic, I am fine with that too.

Flow (7/10):
The flow is there, but only at the start I did not understand. If it was thoughts of the character or what. So it will be best if you could really change the font rather than just letting it be slanted, some readers might get confuse by it. If there is a change in POV please note do whose POV is it so it will make the story's flow even smoother. Because of the elevator issue I mention it did make the flow slower so I just dislike it.

Writing (6/10):
Simple writing so not much big words were used. Tao's name which appears frequently irritates me. You could have change it to 'him' / 'he' but if it is too plain and not descriptive enough you can use 'The tall and skinny' or 'The younger one' in contrast to 'The older' you used in the story to describe Kris.

Grammar & Spelling (8/10):
Some grammar mistakes but they are all minor so I just brush it off as I read the story. Perhaps another round of checking will help. Spelling is fine, use more big words to be more descriptive and it will also help the readers to 'paint the picture' instead of using more of their imagination which was what I did and it was weird. Everyone wore black suit like in the MIB series.


General Enjoyment (6/10):
I am not a fluff romance lover but I did enjoy the cuteness and fluff in it. However just the 'prefect boyfriend' Kris made me dislike it a little because it makes a part of the plotting seems cliche however the fears or hated for germs made it more uniques. It is new to me thus I enjoyed it :)

 


Total score: 70/100
Reviewer: dyodyopie
Reviewed on: 22/08/2014
Comments and thoughts: This story would score higher if only I was a fluff and romance lover but just based on the plotting, I already think it is unique. I wouldn't say I love it but it give me a good fluff read. Well done :) I do not wish to be rude but if I am rude in this review. Do tell me :) Reminders:


Reminders:
Remember to follow the rules.
+ Comment if you saw this review.
+ Don't forget to add proper credits with the link back to the shop!

Credits to dyodyopie (DD) @ Steph's BookClub Review Shop (SBC)©

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fefedove
#1
Chapter 100: Omg I don't even remember having requested this and never credited either. I'm so sorry and I'll do it as soon as I have access to a laptop omgomg