Title: Art Mortuary
Author: suzyelf
Characters: Hongbin, N
Genre: Drama
Category: 
Status: Completed (One-Shot)
Description: Do you need a reason to hate someone from the bottom of your heart, even without first knowing the perso ? Lee Hongbin works at SM Entertainment long enough to know all four types of trainees, and Cha Hakyeon was one of a kind. The dancer was more than the broken dreams Hongbin had witnessed in the cut-throat industry, where hope is dwindling. Unknowingly, Hongbin and Hakyeon were competing with their lives. Their battleground was where passion died. It contains the hidden answer for the men coming from the opposite scales.

Title (7/10):
I liked the sound of it. It represented the story’s feel and concept. It was a very mature title and kudos to you for that. I had to take some points off because I thought it didn’t represent the story well. It’s also not the most eye-catching of titles. Something easier on the eye would’ve been more appropriate.

Description & Foreword (8/10):
I liked that it was short and the layout was good. It wasn’t too confusing and matched the story well. There were some grammar mistakes which I will elaborate on in the grammar section. That’s the reason I took points off. Also, I thought that the description was a little cliché. It was something you see all the time on here and wasn’t very original.

Graphics (10/10): 
The Black and white colour scheme set the story's mood pretty well. I liked that you had both characters shown clearly and I liked the fact that you didn't fade them together.

Character Development (9/10):
I liked the observant Hongbin. It was good to find a story where all men weren’t portrayed as childish 5 year olds. N’s character was also very good. He was hardworking I guess. However, I found the differences in their personalities a little stereotypical.

Appearance (10/10):
On point. There is nothing to complain about

Originality & Plot (8/10):
In terms of originality, it really wasn’t. I read stories where the two hate each other, fate brings them together and they end up liking one another. I liked the feel though. It was dramatic but not so much that it was boring. Also, a lot of people use art as a basis for their story.

Flow (8/10):
The story flows well but there are some points where I found myself having to go back and reading what had happened. I lost the timing at some points.

Writing (10/10):
I really liked your use of language. I think you described things well.

Grammar & Spelling (9/10):
I did spot some grammatical mistakes in the story but they weren’t too technical or worth mentioning. You tend to switch tenses without knowing. These are the ones I found in the description:

You said: ‘Lee Hongbin works at SM Entertainment long enough’
Should be: ‘Lee Hongbin has worked at SM Entertainment long enough’
You said: ‘where hope is dwindling’
Should be: ‘where hope dwindles’
You said: ‘It contains the hidden answer’
Should be: ‘It contained the hidden answer’

General Enjoyment (8/10):
As I’ve said before, sometimes I got confused as to what was happening. I would’ve loved to see a little more action. I liked to eerie feel to it and I kind of want more.

Total score: 97/100
Reviewer: TheOfficialVIP
Reviewed on: 06/09/2014
Comments and thoughts: I think you should turn it into a chaptered story. It has potential.


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