Title: All For You
Author: NavyBlue
Characters: Luhan, Hye Mi(OC)
Genre: romance, angst
Category: B*G
Status: Completed (One-Shot)
Description: Text.

Title (5/10):
Your title "All For You" made an interesting approach to me. The title caught my curiosity, but I honestly found the connection from the title to the story quite lacking. Don't get me wrong, it was a good title, it just didn't fit well with your plot.

Description & Foreword (8.5/10):
Le description for this one-shot was very mysterious and intriguing. I liked it! It got me pumped to read it and I couldn't wait to find out more! XD Keke, I laughed at you're foreword, it brought me such great amusement as you reminded me so much of myself. (I start new stories even tho I haven't even finished my other ones :) ) Great job on this section!

Graphics (6.5/10): 
Hmmmm… the poster held the elements of the story on what I thought it would be like, but after reading your plot, I found that it was a bit different from what I expected. The poster was nice but it was missing something to really give it the spark it needed, I personally felt that the graphic artist should've made the characters slightly bigger and use different colours to contrast. Then again, this might've been the style you were going for and that's what you wanted.

Character Development (6.5/10):
The characters were portrayed in a unique kind of way but I found it difficult to get a connection with the characters and myself, to me they weren't personal and they didn’t have a strong personality. I couldn't feel their emotions, I wanted to feel what Hyemi was feeling when Luhan broke up with her, but I just couldn't. Perhaps maybe you should try writing in 1st POV next time. :)

Appearance (10/10):
The font that was used was excellent! It was very easy to read and wasn't too freakishly large or tiny that would frustrate the hell out of the reader to not bother continue reading it. The chapter length was great, neither too long or short. In summary, your story structure's appearance meant at the top satisfactory standard. Well done!

Originality & Plot (7/10):
I'm not gonna lie, I have read many stories that are mainly one shots similar to yours but that doesn't mean it wasn't good. This story has potential, have you considered taking another direction for it? The plot was interesting enough though :)

Flow (6.5/10):
Your flow was a bit choppy at some points, I have acknowledged the fact that you did say it was rushed and you didn't edit it. Some words of advice, when writing a story, always re-read it before publishing it out. It will save you time for going back to it after other people have read it, and it would save any potential embarrassment.

Writing (7.5/10):
Your ideas were highlighted in this story, and it was great! Omg Soyoung was hilarious! You had such cute and funny moments in it! But like you said before, it was rushed. I honestly felt that is was quite un-professional and a little disheartening to hear. A good story can never be rushed dear, it takes time to develop.

Grammar & Spelling (5.5/10):
Uhhhh, there were quite a bunch of spelling and grammar mistakes, they weren't too terrible but it was slightly frustrating at some points.

Foreword:
I'll PM you the rest of my edits, also just to let you know, for your sequel "And then I Meet You" I spotted a few mistakes that I think you should quickly fix up.

"And then I *meet you"

(think you meant Met?)

They met each other.
And then they fall in love.
They promise* to never let go of each other.
And he broke the promise.

That was 10 years ago…

Now, Luhan come back into Hye Mi’s life.
And Hye Mi wants revenge.
But does* she succeed?
And is it true that Luhan still own* the* special place in her heart?

*promised
*will
*owns
*a, not the.


General Enjoyment (9/10):
This story had some good elements and ideas in it, but the problem was that is was just too rushed making it scattered all over the shop. But for your first angst, it's not bad :) I enjoyed it.

Total score: 70/100
Reviewer: BestFriend4eva
Reviewed on: 02/09/2014
Comments and thoughts: First of all, I would like to say that I'm very honest in my opinion and I do mean each word with love. I'm only doing this because I want you to improve and I believe that you do have a great grasp for writing, you just need to apply yourself further and not rush things. Like I said before, good stories take time, and I think you consider sitting back and let the story come out at it's own place, new ideas will always come to replace the forgotten ones. Just close your eyes and take a deep breath and believe. I believe in you and I know one day, you'll write something amazing.
Best wishes for the future dear! Fighting!
XOXO Aera (BF4E)


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Credits to BestFriend4eva (BF4E) @ Steph's BookClub Review Shop (SBC)©

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