The title fits the story very well. It's very relevant to the story as well. I do think it's a very unique title, you don't come accros the title very often here on AFF. Well, I personally didn't see that kind of title yet so. When I first saw this title without reading or knowing about the genre, I thought by myself: "this title has a nice ring to it" But than on the other hand, I got like that creepy feeling that the title was only the beginning of what we could expect from your story. And that gave the feeling away from sadness. For me, it did trigger my curiosity to read on. Well done, for the choice of your title.

The description fits the story perfectly. It's like unintentionally this is your introduction to the story. I must be honest with you, if I didn't have the description to start the story, it would be like we enter the story in the middle. Thanks to your description your get a quick recap in 1 or 2 sentences of the pre-history before it all happens. Your description is very short but oh so to the point, we don't any more or any less. It's just enough. It should trigger the readers attention and curiosity to start reading the story. Because it's a bit of mystery yet so angsty and you also get a bit of sad feeling.

As for your foreword, you used it to place an author note in it. It's a clever choice, because in your author note, you let us know why you wrote the story and it's good to inform about the feeling of the story and the trigger warning.

Unfortunately, as there are no graphics present yet, I will leave this section out to be graded.

If you need a poster made please visit our sister shop writerFairy Graphics or we have some great graphic shops in our affiliates.

We don't get that much character description or pictures to invision the characters. I think that you must have your reasons for that. But it doesn't bother me that much in that sense that you get a glimpse of the characters as you start reading the story. The characters are developped during the story itself. When I was reading the story, I could form an image of Hari, who plays the lead female role in your story. For the EXO fans, it's not that difficult to invision Tao off course. He's the panda-like sweetheart who's caring towards his loved one. I do think in that way you did your best in portraying your characters in the best realistic way possible. I won't spoiler anything about changes by important characters in your story, therefor everybody needs to read your story.

The font is large enough to enjoy reading your story. The story is also well structured and clearly enough to follow the storyline.

This story is everything but cliché! It's a serious topic and it's a topic that's not very often spoken of. Because most people, well.. almost everybody doesn't like talking about this topic or is afraid to talk about. This is serious though.. but yet so realistic in a way that this topic is not used very often but still It could happen somewhere..Thanks for making the world notice, there are serious things going on like this for example ;) I think writing a fanfic about it, is a different way to make people aware of those kind of things ;) Again, I'm here with my honesty towards you.. I don't usually read those kind of stories. But I like to expand my horizons.. I'm actually glad that I read your story. It does make everybody aware of the fact that it could happen to everyone. It may lead to have a typical plotline, but I don't mind. I do admire your courage and bravery to write a story not to offensive about this topic. You did describe the details very well.

To be this kind of story, it does actually go smoothly as for the flow. It does go by quickly, because you're so caught up in every detail and your description of it.. that before you know it, you reach the end of your story.. I'm not going to spill the end, it may be predictable, but still I do recommend this story to everyone ;)

You did a great job in conveying your ideas and words in such a way, that you make your intentions of the meaning of the story very understandable to your readers. You don't use any too difficult words. I could imagine the whole story as a short movie in my head. So yes, you did a fine job on that level too.

I dont know if English is your first language or not, but I couldn't find any mistakes. Some minor typos but that's it.

Description

Hari cannot stand the constant bullying from her boyfriend's fans any longer. She finally makes the decision that changes hers and his life forever.
Hari cannot stand the constant bullying form her boyfriends's fans any longer. She finally makes the decision that changes her and his life forever.

When she her phone, she was bombarded by messages from him fans When she her phone,
she was bombarded by messages from his fans.

It was the tireless night of crying.
It were the tireless nights of crying.

In a way, I did enjoy your story. It's a different kind of story that I'm used to read. But as mentionned before, I'm actually glad that I did. It does creep me out a bit and makes me worry a lot for those people out there. I had the feeling of helping Hari, to overcome this episode in her life and current situation. First, I thought that Tao had fallen for her inner beauty. That she wasn't a slim girl, but a good built one. But then you describe her image that she saw in the mirror and that shook me a lot. It's too bad for her, that there wasn't anybody to help her overcome that period. I'm not sure, if I will continue reading stories like this. But as you promised a sequel, that's one I'm going to read. I want to know the aftermath of it all. Good job! ^^9