B#5 | Memento Of The Mischief-maker | markgyeom
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Title
Author
Characters
Category
Genre
Status
Memento Of The Mischief-maker
markgyeom
Kim Jongin & Iseul
Soon to be
Angst, A little , Family-themed
OG (3 Chpt)
Description
Kim Jongin lets his older sister kept the most precious memento.
Title
The title is very unique and I didn't see it used very often here on AFF. As we are not that far yet in your story, I can't judge properly yet if it does suit the story or not. But I must be honest, from the chapters I read already, I think the title is well chosen and does fit the story. I'm actually very curious about what memento he left behind for his sister. The sound of the title is mysterious, yet it can make one wondering what the story is about. This is a great factor to trigger the curiousity of the readers.
Descr.&Forew.
DESCRIPTION
You are a genius! Who would have thought take you can put so much meaning in one little sentence. You don't need anything more. It keeps your readers guessing, which is a good thing. I like that. We can kind of expect what's going to happen, as the title already gives it away a bit. But still, as for now you don't need any more information. You actually got enough with that one sentence.
FOREWORD
I like this new way of using your foreword as a prologue to fill in the reader so that it won't become or be confussing when starting the actual story. You also give us some general information about the story. It's a nice touch that you have chosen a OST for your story and it does fit perfectly
Graphics
There's no graphic provided . If you wish your story to be more attractive , a poster or banner might help . You can always request a poster or banner from the graphic shops out there where they have talented designers to make a nice graphic poster for you .
SIDENOTE: If you want a poster,background or something else made, we have do have a sister Graphic shop
*WF Graphics*
We have also other excellent Graphic Shops in our affliates. Please make sure to check them out.
Char. Dev.
As we are only 3 chapters far in the story, the development of the characters can go all way. For now, we already met the parents of Iseul & Kim Jongin. And also our 2 main characters, Iseul & Kim Jongin, they are siblings.
KIM JONGIN
I can honestly say, that for me Jongin is portrayed very realistic, very enthousiastic about his dancing. He is the younger of the two. His parents do gave him all their attention. I don't know a lot about him yet, as the story is told from the pov of Iseul. We are only 3 chapters far, so there is still a lot of room for development. I must say, I do like his personality yet though.. He loves his sister, he doesn't always show it, but when she's leaving abroad, you can actually feel the affection and the love for his sister. I like to know him better, so keep on going!
ISEUL
Iseul, his sister, does care a lot for him, but feels a bit neglected by her parents, Because they only have eyes for Jongin. It's like she knows, they need some space, that's why she's leaving abroad, hoping for a bright future. But as it turns out, it's not all what she had expected. But slowly, she's finding her way. But than something terrible happens.. To be honest, her behaviour didn't change that much after the terrible news she received. It's like she doesn't care of doesn't fully understand yet what has happened. She still has hope that the news she received isn't true. Same for her character, you're doing a great job so far.
Appearance
You did pay a lot of attention to the appearance of your story, which I like about it. You put a lot of effort in it. It's so neat and very sophisticated. The fontsize, color and font are very enjoyable to read your story. It doesn't bother anyone. The story is well structured and again very easy to follow. Well done!
Orgin.&Plot
The story doesn't sound cliché, it's still in full development, and has a lot of potential to become a great story. Stories about losing a loved one, aren't the easiest onces to read, but you certainly succeeded so far. I'm very curious how the story will evolve, we are still in the beginning and you made me curious. Again, you do put a lot of effort in to your story. I wouldn't say that it is completely new, but every authornim has different view on a same subject, so it's always a bit of a surprise to see what will become of the story. You indicate a possible twist in your story, so far it was only family-themed and I'm looking foreward to it how you will turn this. Don't give up and keep on going, this is a great story so far. It's a bit weird but I think that will become better after a while and a bit more chapters. Nice job so far! *Congrats!*
Flow
Your story has a steady pace and doesn't flow too fast or too slow. It's still quite easy to follow everything. The first twist in your story at the beginning does give the story flow a boost to accelerate it a bit but I guess after that it will go much slower. So yes, it's quit easy to follow and you won't get lost so far.
Writing
You do convey your ideas and words in an enjoyable and understandable way. I like your writingstyle. You used the POV of Iseul to write your story in, it's actually very clever to write in that POV. But I would like to know why you choose to do in a POV's form and not the third person. I do like the fact that we are "playing" the part of Iseul, his sister in this story, it makes everything that much more intense and intimite. Because, we do get to experience everything up close & personal. I could see this fanfic playing in my head like a movie, and that's the way to go! Keep on going! FIGHTING!
Gramm.&Spel.
I don't if English is your first language or not, but you did do great on the grammar and spelling department. But I did spot some minor mistakes. If you can avoid those little hiccups, your story is off to become great! ^^
ONE
Original No longer after that, it was announced that all passengers going to UK needed to go for check in.
Corrected Not long after that, it was announced that all passengers going to the UK needed to go for the check-in.
TWO
Original But Jongin only talk to me to interrupt my conversation with mom.
Corrected But Jongin only talked to me by interrupting my conversation with (my) mom.
Gen.Enjoym.
I like your story. It's not one of my usual stories I would read, but I do like to expand my horizons. This story is one of the exceptions I will keep on reading, because you ended with a cliffhanger and you triggered my curiosity. I'm dying to know what's going to happen next (OMG, i just used a pun ^^)I'm looking foreward to the update! :) This is not an easy to story to write, for which you earned my respect. Death and losing a loved one aren't the easiest subjects to write a story about, but again you did a nice job! :) Keep on going! ^^
Title : 10/10
Description & Foreword: 9/10
Graphics: --/10
Character Development: 7/10
Appearance : 10/10
Originality & Plot: 8/10
Flow: 10/10
Writing: 8/10
Grammar & Spelling: 8/10
General Enjoyment: 8/10
78 / 90
Reviewer: StephLovesKCulture
date : 15 / 03 / 2015
CREDITS :
Credits to StephLovesKCulture [STLK] @ Steph's Bookclub Review Shop ©
COMMENTS / Thoughts & REMINDER
Comments & thoughts
Great potential, nice flow, great appearence. Your story does deserve a lot of credit! Keep going! Do request again at SBC! ;)
REMINDER
+Comment if you saw this review
+Don't forget to add proper credits with the link back to the shop!
Comments