B#6 | scorching-red | douxsoleil
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Title
Author
Characters
Category
Genre
Status
scorching-red
douxsoleil
Yoona, Luhan
Boy x Girl
romance, death, angst
One-Shot
Description
In which luhan is a writer, and one summer he will never forget, he writes about her, im yoona. a painter of his happiness, and a painter of her morose. he just wished that this will not end in tragedy.
Title
It fits the story perfectly and it is definitely relevant. I have never stumble across this title before and it catches my attention. At first, I thought it was about being in the sunny weather (because of the word, 'scorching') and I was really shock when I read the whole thing. Is sad, yet beautiful.
Descr.&Forew.
I am assuming that 'Red is the color of hero' is the description since this one-shot was written in one of the chapter. I was really intrigue by the particular sentence and my first thought was to start reading to find out more, you didn't reveal much (which is a good thing). Maybe this quite actually be one of the best description I have read.
Graphics
There's no graphic provided . If you wish your story to be more attractive , a poster or banner might help . You can always request a poster or banner from the graphic shops out there where they have talented designers to make a nice graphic poster for you .
SIDENOTE: If you want a poster,background or something else made, we have do have a sister Graphic shop
*WF Graphics*
We have also other excellent Graphic Shops in our affliates. Please make sure to check them out.
Char. Dev.
It is realistic, I do know of some people who feels depressed everyday and yet, you portrayed it in s unique way. In this story, I don't think there is a perfect character since the both of them have struggles and all. Since it is a short one-shot, I don't think you could have make any mistakes in suddenly changing the character feelings. However, I do think you could have written more about when Yoona open her world for Luhan.
Appearance
The font seems perfect to me and the sentence are really easy to understand. However, you need to take note of your uppercase letters, you should put a uppercase letter when is the beginning of the sentence, of course, there are a few exceptions like, "I". I hope you can correct
Orgin.&Plot
Of course you got full marks! This is my first time reading this type of story and its really unique and stands out from other fan-fics. It have a completely new and innovative ''feel'' to it. It wasn't like a typical romance / sad story which I have read quite a number of it. You do really have creative ideas in your mind.
Flow
It wasn't too fast nor was it too slow. For me, it was at a perfect pace, everything you have written was connected to each other. It is a one-shot after all, so, I think the main plot was in the whole short chapter except maybe the first two paragraphs. Overall, (again), it was perfect.
Writing
I love it that you use 'show not tell' strategy (or whatever you call), you are really great in your vocabulary and you have a gift of writing it in a beautiful way, I could actually imagine what it was like in the story, their feelings etc...
Gramm.&Spel.
Okay, nobody is perfect in this particular category, so don't feel down just by the score I have given you! It does not really get in the way but your tend to make a lot of tenses errors. You switched from past to present then present to past tense again, this is a little bit confusing because I don't know if you are describing their thoughts NOW or AFTER. It just needs a little bit more editing, that's all.
Gen.Enjoym.
I really enjoyed this story, excluding your tenses errors and all because your storyline was perfect! I love it when you describe the 'things' like Yoona's eyes and many others. I took the marks off because I can't believe she has to die in the end! I mean, it always leaves a good impression if there is a plot twist but I am not fond of stories ending with characters dying.
Title : 10/10
Description & Foreword: 10/10
Graphics: --/10
Character Development: 8/10
Appearance : 6/10
Originality & Plot: 10/10
Flow: 10/10
Writing: 10/10
Grammar & Spelling: 5/10
General Enjoyment: 8/10
77 / 90
Reviewer: LynnLaura
date : 12 / 02 / 2016
CREDITS :
Credits to LynnLaura [LL] @ Steph's Bookclub Review Shop ©
COMMENTS / Thoughts & REMINDER
Comments & thoughts
For the Total Score: 85.7% /100 (It is actually 77/90 because I don't think is fair if I deduct points from you just because you don't have a poster but is not like I can just randomly toss you the full marks as well so I did the percentage way (77 divided by 90 times 100)
Good luck in your future writing and keep up your good work! You just need to focus a little bit more on Grammar:)
REMINDER
+Comment if you saw this review
+Don't forget to add proper credits with the link back to the shop!
Comments