B#1 | You and I | hunhan5

✎ Steph's Bookclub Archive - For All The Completed Reviews -
 
Steph's BookClub
Steph's BookClub
Navigation:
 
You and I by hunhan5 
 

Title: You and I
Author:hunhan5
Characters: Baehyun, Chanyeol
Genre: angst, fluff and a slice of life,
Rating:
Status: Completed (One-Shot)
Description: A demon made a promise to an angel once. A promise that he will keep forever. No matter how many lives they live.


Title (2/10):
I do not like the title! It is plain and boring. Not eye catching though it is releated to the story plotting. You should change it to something unique and eye catching. Something never seen before or leave a question for the readers find out the answer and the only way to do so is to read your story. Since it is more side towards angst romnace than fluff romance, I seriously want to see you change it to something that screams angst!

Description & Foreword (6/10):
By just reading your forewords and descirption, I will think that this is going to be a fantasy story about Angel and demon, yehet I will enjoy.-. Like what, yes it is a part of the plotting for angel Baek and demon Chan to fall in love and be together forever but the foreward and description doesn't show any signs that it contain 3 different life they are going to have. I have to say many reviewers say not to give away the story plotting in the description and foreword but for your case is different. You can keep your foreword no problem. It is fine and well written but I want you to show your readers that this is one shot shows different life of Chanbaek example. "The different us in different lives, with different problem and different ways of falling in love and breaking apart. Despite leaving this world, our love continue, on and on never ending. We will meet in the next life again, dear," etc. Something that is more unique and eye catching to the readers to start wondering what lives do they have? How different and why are they dead but still can be in love? This is better than just showing 1/3 of the story plotting. Leave it to let them read and find out. Show off your writing skills by keeping the foreword and it is fine.

Graphics (7/10): 
Your poster is pretty and the quote there is perfect. I love it. It made total relevant to the story. Well done! Something like this will interest the readers! But since this is a side more towards angst I would prefer a dark shade coloured poster that scream out angst romance, tragedy than a light one. Like seriously I really do prefer that. Your wallpaper at the back is fine. Keep it :) it shows devil Chanyeol as I read :3

Character Development (10/10):
Character well describe. Showing every side of the character in different lives they lived in. I love it and that is enough said! Sadness, anger, worriness and well potrayed. Well done!

Appearance (9/10):
The font is fine, size too. Good then but using the same font is boring which shouldn't be the case because your story is interesting and cool.

Originality & Plot (9/10):
This is not a cliche plotting! A well written plot with angst, fluff, drama and romance in it! Enough said I love it. However the angel and demon/ bestfriends turned to lover are quite often seen. I am fond of the and drug addict more.

Flow (6/10):
You change your scenes oftenly I say but do section it out with a divider or something, perhaps using different fonts for different lives. This will help the flow of the story so it will not confuse the readers or make the story as choppy as it is now. When I was reading I was like "Wait is this lover, or / drug addicter. Wait- I am pretty sure it is Chanyeol and Baekhyun for sure. maybe I should just read more to sort it out later. Not bad now not bad.."

Writing (10/10):
Are you Kris cause you paint beautiful pictures, using words! I love it! I really do think you are one of those few who made an impression on me for using good words and vocab. Well done!

Grammar & Spelling (8/10):
Grammar is fine by me. I do not focus so much on grammar unkess it is really horrible. But I do spot a few as I read but typos is more frequently seen. Read through it again carefully and you will find it dear. It is not that difficult if you are lazy, hire a beta reader :3


General Enjoyment (9/10):
I totally enjoyed this story. I love it more than I love the tragedy novel I am reading now. I do find tragedy or stories with sad ending nice but I do not think it is need for you to do a sequel for this story. It ended perfectly and I like it that way! All I dislike is just the poster, title and description cause it is completely different from your wonderful plotting! Change it and I am sure there will be more readers. To gain more subbies (if you want) change it to subscribers only. This way you won't have so much silent readers and can see who enjoyed your stroy and how many people really read your story :)

 


Total score: 76/100
Reviewer: dyodyopie
Reviewed on: 19/08/2014
Comments and thoughts: You will love it once you read the story. To be honest just skip to the story because the story is totally different, well not really from the plotting! I didn't expect such a wonderful story to be so beautifully written. Descripition/title and poster gave me the wrong impression. Worth your time, you will like it more than your math teacher.


Reminders:
Remember to follow the rules.
+ Comment if you saw this review.
+ Don't forget to add proper credits with the link back to the shop!

Credits to dyodyopie (DD) @ Steph's BookClub Review Shop (SBC)©

Credit us
 

Credit 1
writerFairy-SBC-credit.png
Credit 2
writerFairy-SBC-credit2.png

 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
fefedove
#1
Chapter 100: Omg I don't even remember having requested this and never credited either. I'm so sorry and I'll do it as soon as I have access to a laptop omgomg