Title: A Home For My Heart
Author: shinningtiara
Characters: Kim JaeJoong & Jung Yunho
Genre: Romcom, Genderswitch, drama, fluff, angst
Rating: /
Status: Completed (27 Chap)
Description:Jung Yunho was forced to marry Kim Jaejoong, heiress of Kim Empire as reimburse, for the sake of his family prestige though...

Title (5/10):
The title fit the story plotting well, part of it. But since this is an angst story, it does not scream out angst at all, instead it sounded more towards the genre fluff. The title isn't too eye catching and quite boring such a story that is so well written deserves a more fitting title and an unique one. I strongly encourage you to change it to a title that screams out angst, heartbreaks and depression.

Description & Foreword (6/10):
The description and foreword are just telling the readers how Yunho got himself into an arranged marriage and sure enough half of the readers who click this story will expext to be reading a cliche storyline ( I will elaborate more on plotting later ) It isn't a bad thing you put the story plotting this way but I strongly suggest you to instead, change it into a perhaps flashback like "Sorry my son, sorry my baby boo. I ruined my life and yours too--" etc.
This will draw the readers in to think. "What is it that Yunho did to ruin someone's life? How did he get a son or what happened? This seems so sad I need to read more to find out!"
I always suggest author with less eye catching descrpition or foreowrd to leave a hug question mark for their readers to get curious about thus they will start reading and bam, you will get a hell lots of subbies if you manage to leave that question mark.
Then your foreword, I personally do not like it when authors elaborate on their character's personalities. I mean like why do I want to know before the story starts, just let them find it out themselves. Duh, this is one of the few reasons why I want to read a fanfic.
Good that it doesn't guve off the whole story but a long foreword/discription isn't always a good thing.

Graphics (7/10): 
Honestly again, this is a angst story for god sake! Let the graphic scream out angst tragedy! Unless you want your readers to get trolled by it, if that the case. You are on the right track dear. I would have failed you in this case actually but because of the photoshop on Jaejoong face and the girl's body(?) I am like 'wow dang that is cool man!'

Character Development (9/10):
You did a perfectly good job on explaining and describing each and everyone of the character from cute, to y, to y, to cool etc. I love the way you explain all their emotions every now and then in each and every chapter so well done! I deduct a point because of your characterization for Jaejoong. She/he seems like a 'Mary Sue' an almost perfect in everyway character. It is okay if she has some flawless. Her character is always seen in it fanfic. Like those perfect girl who is beautiful, rich, have many talent. Super smart and all. So change it add a flaw or something to make her seems not perfect. Hey girl, being clumsy and inncocent isn't a flaw. But I really like how you change some part of her character as they story goes on and don't even get me started on Heechul, ugh I hate him/her what a came in like that. Oh gosh I could rant the hole 6 chapter but I shall stop here.

Appearance (8/10):
Font and all is fine doesn't bother me at all. So it is a good sign but I strongly suggest you add in whose POV (Point Of View) it is to help the readers get clearer with the story like who is 'talking' now. I notice you change the person 'talking' in a chapter quite a few time so that would help the readers to smooth the reading without needing much thinking who is it that is 'talking' now. Also I dislike this
( ....! ) what is this! To me it looks like a bomb is going to go ka-boom anytime. Do not use that, delete it away. It annoys some readers and it is very unprofessional. Ooh and do not use short form such as BTW and OMG etc. It is unprofessional too.

Originality & Plot (8/10):
Hey yah a cliche storyline seen on AFF everyday but you got the marks because you wrote it like you owned that plotting. A love triangle with a and confused husband plus an arranged marriage. Cliche! But the way you describe their emotions totally made it outstanding. Everyone love cliche stories inculding me because I wrote one too. But I totally do not believe that there is a cliche story which is totally similar in this world of stories because every author has his/her own way of writing so no worries. Yours is unique and special hence I love it.

Flow (9/10):
Flow is their good, everything runs smoothly in the story good but I do have a tiny problem which is I think that Yunho and Jaejoong fall in love too quickly. I mean he is being forced into a marriage and she is marrying him just for freedom so hell no, think about it, who on the 'F'ing world will fall in love this quickly. Same goes to Rella and Yunho, how on earth could someone move on so quickly unless they are just toying with each other but for their case, they were both truely in love once too right? So do add a few chapter to make the story more realistic. The cliff hanger at every end of the chapter is well written so good!

Writing (10/10):
Okay, this one I have to give it to you! Well done! You can paint the story into a scene for me and I love it! Enough said so lets move on♡

Grammar & Spelling (7/10):
I totally understand English isn't your first language but to me you are actually doing pretty well excpet for the few typos I spot in who knows what chapter. Sorry my bad I forgot ^^'' but I can confidently say there is a few grammar errors at the start of the fanfic, like the first few chapter. Read through your whole fanfic again and you will spot the errors or hire a beta reader that is what I can suggest.

General Enjoyment (9/10):
I do enjoy it and as the story goes by I really took Jaejoong as a girl. LOL but I love it the most when Yunho went all mentally unstable at the end of the story. I love that! I love angst and tragedy. I at fluff story even when I write one I would cry cause it is too sweet. However the only problem is I dislike the (...!) Ugh I hate it. But any other who, what. I totally love it and I am up voting to stories with potential only and I do think yours have. Well done and thank you for giving me a chance to read such a heartbreaking story. Btw, do not do a squeal for this. I suggest not it is perfect the way it is since it is angst showing happy ending is no fun. Just a suggestion you can do what you like because it is your own story :)

Total score: 78/100
Reviewer: dyodyopie
Reviewed on: 17/08/2014
Comments and thoughts: This is a good fic with only a few chapters of rated M so I strongly suggest the AUTHOR, to mark off the rated M as a whole story only to mark it when the chapter is a M chapter. Good to read, worth your time. You will love it more than you love your vegetables. That's right. You heard me. I am lame bye. I am sorry if I sounded harsh too so please do tell me if you dislike the way I review so I can do better next time.


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