I just feel like there should have been a continuation with the addition of “condition,” so it makes it a little awkward, but at the same time, it makes it cooler with only a portion of the phrase.

A legitimate foreword that leads into the story and introduces the characters. Nice heavy quotes from the story in the description.

That is a pretty cool poster! It’s really intense, and it’s definitely going above and beyond for a one shot cover. It also sets a bit of a sad and dark mood, which I feel might be followed through in the story later on.

Because it’s a one shot, there’s not much room for character development, although some manage to squeeze it in. The character development in this story was decent enough to get me into the story and believe the character’s actions and feelings, which is all that matters. I docked off a point because I feel like most of the characters’ behavioral traits were introduced as commentary by other characters closer to the end of the story. This commentary sort of confirmed the slight hint or picture of the characters and their traits. It would be better if this were established through the story alone, but overall, good job.

The font is nice and big and easy to read. I would probably put a space in between the paragraphs, though, because although it seems fine to me, some readers might be overwhelmed by the large amount of text on one page, which might turn them off from reading your story. I've seen this happen before for this specific reason, so I’d space it up a little.^^

This was a really original idea and plot line. I have seen another story a bit similar to this, and I’m sure there are more, but I haven’t really delved into this genre. In any case, though, the two stories themselves are quite different, and the ideas presented in this story are definitely unique. My only quibble is that I feel that the story had to skip a lot to fit with the length of a one shot. I also think that the ability of Bom to control events exactly to her will after her death was a little all too convenient. In the grand scheme of things, however, I suppose it kind of added to both the feel of her character and what her character represents in general.

The point of view switches were done well enough as to not interrupt the flow. It does seem, however, that there were longer time lapses in between some points of view (this was made apparent through Bom’s narrations whilst turning pages in the book), which might throw some readers off slightly. Personally, I didn't think that it took away from the flow of the piece too much and I feel like the overall message and mood of the story still came across.

This wasn't the absolute best or most complex or sophisticated writing I've ever read. But it did have good description in certain parts and it was very human. It really wiggled its way under my skin and touched my heart. That’s a weird way to describe it… my apologies.^^ But anyway, the story’s style seemed as if it was better off being more simple. You know how to use words to make people feel things.^^ It was somehow relatable. I’m not really sure how to exactly describe it, but it gave me a homely feeling.

There were no major spelling or grammar mistakes that stood out to me when I read this. Or maybe that’s because I was too busy with the feels. My only complaint: “Ohmagawd.”

I really enjoyed this story. It got me emotional… I have to admit the last few paragraphs got me to let out a few tears, which is pretty rare of me.^^ I always appreciate authors who aren't afraid to “beautifully kill off” their characters sometimes. This was done well and it appeals to the human pathos.^^ I also liked your concepts and the overall themes of purpose in life and forgiveness. Good story.^^