think you have chosen a very appropriate title for this story. Though the words itself doesn’t mean a lot but once you read the story, everything will connect together and you realise how everything fits together. I’ve also tried searching the title in AFF’s search bar and since you’re the first story that comes up, it means that the title is pretty uncommon on AFF. Well done!

I think the way you started the description with a quote is quite clever. However, even though it’s in speech marks, it doesn’t appear in the actual story. Yugyeom doesn’t say it in the main chapter but I presume that it was something that Yugyeom had in his head during the story. Just from reading the description and the foreword, your readers can tell that this is going to be a angsty and unrequited love story. Even though the first sentence is not from the story, the lines from the second part is from the chapter and therefore it gives a taster of the chapter and your writing style, allowing the readers to know whether this story is their style or not.

You only have a poster so I’ll base this section on your poster only. You have used a gray scale for the poster and as a result, everything looks calm and sad in a way. Also, the poster only has Yugyeom in it and therefore you know that the story will be based around him, including his thoughts and feelings. The way the poster also includes the recurring quote of “I’ll be your umbrella if he’s the rain”, embedding it your readers’ minds. Though some would think this poster is overly simplistic, I think this is a good choice of graphic to use for this story.

The way that Yugyeom is portrayed in this story is really realistic, I have to say. His feelings towards Hyunju is obvious from the very beginning of the story all the way until the end. Even though he wasn’t planning to confess to her in the way he did, his character dealt with the situation well and I have to say that he’s exactly the type that weak girls would fall fall in times like this.

As for Hyunju, her mind was only full of Mark even though Yugyeom was with her all the time. This is the typical type of girls that guys like Yugyeom in this story would fall for. Though in the end, she was “awakened” by Yugyeom’s words and therefore decides to let go of Mark.

Even though I can’t say the these two characters are unique in the fanfiction world, I can say that they fit together very well in this plot line!

The original font size is not a problem, though I had to enlarge it because of my eyes, OTL. Also, you haven’t used a background so it doesn’t bother your readers while they’re reading. Your paragraphs aren’t long so it’s not hard to follow story. I’m giving you full marks for this because even though the layout is simple, it suits the story very well as the simplicity only highlights the details of the story.

I have to say honestly, this kind of idea is not uncommon to see at all on AFF. However, the way you have compiled the whole idea into a short one-shot is really admirable. The plot is not corny or annoyingly clingy so it’s not something that a reader would cringe over while reading this. Also, since this story is and angst story, there isn’t a lot of fluffy scenes so the everything you’ve written fitted into the genre very well.

The whole story is only one scene as it’s the time they spent together in the cake shop, while waiting for Mark. Since the time they’ve spent in there is not long, the flow is not choppy or too drag-y. It didn’t take me long to finish the chapter so I really don’t think the contents of the story is too long. For this story, the ending could either be a cliffhanger or a complete end to the whole thing - you can either continue it on and make it into a chaptered story or just end it there, like you’ve done so.

You words are not hard to understand and they convey both Yugyeom and Hyunju’s feelings very well. The dialogue is not long and the characters don’t say a lot but because of this, you can tell that this is heavily focused on the unsaid words inside of Yugyeom, which I think is very important, especially if there are a lot of things that he cannot say out loud.

I’m not sure whether your first language is English or not but on the whole, your spelling and grammar is very good! There aren’t any major problems that will make your text not understandable so there isn’t anything you should be worried about! However, there are some corrections that I would like to point out to you.

Original: Those big brown eyes managed to turn Yugyeom’s legs wobbly like a jelly and made his heart do somersault.
Corrected: Those big brown eyes managed to turn Yugyeom’s legs wobbly like jelly and made his heart do somersault.

Original: Why would such an awful creature wanted to let her down?
Corrected: Why would such an awful creature want to let her down?

Though my bias in GOT7 is Mark, and you made him the bad guy here… I think the way you wrote the story is really different from the others I’ve read. The ones that are similar in plot to this story are often chaptered and end up really long so reading something as short as yours somehow gives me a different feeling from the others, not saying that they’re not good at all! Personally, since my bias is not Yugyeom, I wouldn’t really think of reading this but I’m glad I did! Anyway, well done!