B#5 | Bonds That Break Us | gakistalGakistal
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Title
Author
Characters
Category
Genre
Status
Bonds That Break Us
gaksitalGaksital
Kris Wu, Kim Jaejoong, Jung Yun Ji (OC), Exo
Boy x Girl
Romance, Drama, Angst, School Life, AU
Ongoing (5 Chpts)
Description
Wu Yi Fan is perfect in everyway: He is smart, handsome, and rich. He has it all and he isn't afraid to show it, and neither is he afraid of bullying those that he deems unworthy of his private school. After all, Yi Fan is the school's number one bully, and he gets away with it. However, when a mysterious incident ensues, Yi Fan is shoved off the pedestal of fame, only to find himself trudging inside the cesspool of losers. Gone are the days where he ruled the school, because now, the school rules him.
He is set to ride a rollercoaster of emotions that could either revive him from the ashes, or break him forever. Throughout this journey, he will learn that the people around him influence his will to fly, and that he doesn't have to be bound by blood to be family.
"The bonds that make us, can be the bonds that break us."
Title
I like the contradictory nature of the title. Nice and original, and it sets up a melodramatic mood for the story.
Descr.&Forew.
The description and the forward quote is nice. However, there are some simple grammatical errors in both the description and forward. Also, the excerpt is a good idea, but it starts me off as having kind of flatlining expectations for this story, simply because the narrative breaks down the fourth wall by addressing the reader and whatnot. The first paragraph of the excerpt was nice enough, though. Perhaps you can consider leaving just that paragraph as the excerpt? Also, as the page is a little here and there, see if you can make the fonts and sizes more uniform. It will improve the look and organization of the page^^
Graphics
The poster is cute but melancholy at the same time. I like the title fonts. Nice job to whoever made the poster^^
Char. Dev.
The character development steps/stages are well thought out, ordered, and planned. However, their execution is improper. It feels like I'm reading a plot summary of important events in a story rather than a story. Judging by the author's note for chapter 8, I think you've limited your story to 10 chapters, but I really feel as if it could benefit from plot and character development and extrapolation between chapters.
Appearance
Font is neat and easy to read.
Orgin.&Plot
This is a really nice plot idea. I didn't expect it to be so angsty and deep when I originally read the forward and description. But it's a good plotline although there are some archetypal elements^^
Flow
The flow is good enough for the story to make sense. As previously mentioned, however, I think there needs to be more elaboration on the plot and character points between chapters. Also, some grammar and writing errors take away from the story. Be sure, also, to remove those parenthetical addresses to the audience.
Writing
As I mentioned earlier, the parenthetical addresses need to go. They break the fourth wall and they also make the story seem childish. As for the writing, it kind of switches between good and bad, and sometimes it's a mix of both. I suppose it has to do with the grammar and spelling that sometimes interfere with the story; sometimes there's just straight up subpar writing, but then we'll come across a well written sentence or paragraph. And perhaps it also has to do with the execution of the plotline as aforementioned. Sometimes it seems a little skippy.
Gramm.&Spel.
There are quite a few errors here and there, and occasionally, they take away from the story.
Gen.Enjoym.
Overall, this was a decent story. it could use some work, and shine it wasn't the best story I've ever read, it was angsty and interesting enough. I especially liked the scene with Myungsoo. That was pretty interesting and one of the best parts of the story in my opinion. This story has a plotline with lots of potential!
Title : 10/10
Description & Foreword: 8/10
Graphics: 10/10
Character Development: 8/10
Appearance : 10/10
Originality & Plot: 9/10
Flow: 9/10
Writing: 8/10
Grammar & Spelling: 8/10
General Enjoyment: 8/10
88 / 100
Reviewer: kheosena
date : 28 / 03 / 2015
CREDITS :
Credits to kheosena [KHS] @ Steph's Bookclub Review Shop ©
COMMENTS / Thoughts & REMINDER
Comments & thoughts
This story has a lot of potential, and it was fairly enjoyable to read. If you can fix some of the grammar and writing errors and extrapolate between the major plot points more, you'll have a wonderful story on your hands^^
REMINDER
+Comment if you saw this review
+Don't forget to add proper credits with the link back to the shop!
Comments