B#6 | Another | twenty-six

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poster

Title

Author

Characters

Category

Genre

Status

Another

twenty-six

Song Hyuna, Cha Eunjeung

B*G

Friendship, Dark, Supernatural

Ongoing (3 chap)

Description

Following a tragic accident, two strangers—Song Hyuna and Cha Eunjung became friends.But when Hyuna gets closer to Kai, Eunjung's former boyfriend, their heart-whole friendship was put into a test.And it got to the point where Hyuna dreaded to bed.

 
 

Title


The title to me is a bit unclear, for the story. Also it can be because it is just the beginning and it will be more clear towards the end. Also I don't think the title does draw much attention to the reader. If I wouldn't review the story, I wouldn't have clicked it, because I don't find the title appealing enough.

Descr.&Forew.


The foreword didn't give me the real essence of the story, I was kind of shocked this was all because of the parents divorce. The tragedy part could easily be the prologue cause it explains where Hyuna is coming from, what the cause was for finding out the separate relationships of the parents. I like how it is all in tones of black and white.

Graphics


The graphic is intense. I get, she's trapped with all these emotions she can't really placed. She wants to be strong, and she is dating her friend's ex. It's has really nice dark colors in it. Even the layout is great. Normally for reading white on black is tiring for the eyes, so thank you for using a grey that is saturated enough to not hurt the eyes. Plus it really does fit the story.

Char. Dev.


As we only met Hyuna and her mom so far, and had mentions about Kai and Eunjeung even the death Jiyeon appeared. I'm only going to discuss Hyuna.

I get the anger she is in, she wants to out the emotions she holds insight. Partly of the divorce partly due to the death of Jiyeon.

I feel that she is really sad and she kind of lost the trust in the people she confided in while she was little. That explains her anger towards her parents.

I think she blames Jiyeon's death mostly on herself because she made a bad decision not to scream for help.

 

Appearance


Like I mentioned in the graphic section, I enjoyed the simplicity of the layout and soft grey on the black background. The text is structured enough for now, since there isn't alot to go on. We had a couple of scenes all in order so following it was easy.

SBC

Orgin.&Plot


Don't be mad at me. I think it is a bit of a cliché. I don't normally read stories like that, but I saw a bunch of movies like that. The description you gave us, did have nothing to do with the story for now. I say for now cause that can all develop later on. When we see like an interaction with Kai, Hyuna and Eunjeung. I mentioned before we haven't really met the other characters, for me is a bit hard to go on right now. But the plot seemed interesting. I wonder how it develops further.

 

Flow


The flow was good, a little slow to my taste, but I get that you want to explain everything that goes on in your character's head since we are supposed to be Hyuna.

Sometimes it was a bit hard to read, by how the sentences were phrased, it confused me a couple of times and made me read something twice or even three times.

Writing


You have nice writing style. I can't really say much about that. The image you were set on putting in our minds is described very well.

Gramm.&Spel.


You have a good sense of grammar and spelling although I would be careful of abbriviations and time errors. Sometimes a misspelling of a word.

Here are a few examples

"Hyuna..." Mom gestured one of her hands at my direction. I glanced back only to realize that she had cut her hairs shorter.
to cut her hairs short. In my opinion it would better be to cut her hair short

is that woman really was my mother?
Maybe you were meant to say IF instead of IS or Is that woman really my mother?

this people
These people

friends' name
friends' names.

as she walked over me to close the door
as she walked towards me.

The ringing of cell phone breathed life back into me.
The ringing of the cell phone ...

Eunjung ah, have you reached already? No worries, I’ll be there in twenty minutes. All right, see you there.”
When a person is in a phone conversation and you written your story in first POV, we can actually hear what the other is saying rather than putting different sentences together or use ... between the answers given from Hyuna. Than a sentence as have you reached already? wouldn't appear as a mistake.

“Honey, please take a good care of your health, okay?"
You made a couple mistakes like that, randomly adding an a where it isn't needed and forgetting to put it there when it is.please take good care of your health

These were the thoughts I'd been having since eleven
Since I was eleven

Gen.Enjoym.


I enjoyed the story as for as it came a bit to slow for me. For readers who really are into this genre, it'll be more enjoyable. The story on itself is really good but not getting much of the characters was a bit of a down arrow for me. Only going on and on about the divorce was a bit of a downer. I get it is a dark story but it made it slow. I know it is building up to what it is supposed to be.

 
 
 

Title : 4/10

Description & Foreword: 7/10

Graphics: 8/10

Character Development: 6/10

Appearance : 9/10

Originality & Plot: 7/10

Flow: 7/10

Writing: 7/10

Grammar & Spelling: 7.5/10

General Enjoyment: 6/10

68.5 / 100

 
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fefedove
#1
Chapter 100: Omg I don't even remember having requested this and never credited either. I'm so sorry and I'll do it as soon as I have access to a laptop omgomg