This is a little tough to assess. In some parts of the story, we read Yongguk’s musings about his situations. By this, I mean the bits of the story that directly address the audience and are kind of just Yongguk’s thoughts on a certain situation or something. These parts in the story were kind of scattered, mainly in the first few chapters. In some instances, they ran too long, and it gave the story a strange feel to it. The narrative sections are much improved upon these tidbits of writing in between; this doesn't mean that those portions are bad and subtract from the writing, but they are simply found too often. Too much of a good thing is bad. You should try to drag out those parts less and focus on extrapolating on the narrative more. Make sure parts in your story don’t jump too quickly, but take your time writing about each scene and make sure you have everything that the audience needs for it to be complete. Also, it would be good for you to give more details about the characters as well.