B#6 | Hidden In A Distance | velvet majesty
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Title
Author
Characters
Category
Genre
Status
Hidden in a Distance
velvetmajesty
Kai, Kyungsoo
Boy x Girl, (BxB)
Romance, Angst
Two-shot, completed
Description
Kai left Kyungsoo hanging. Kyungsoo left Kai in the air. In a distance, would they still love each other?
Title
I think the title fits perfectly well. Kai and Kyungsoo just seem to be separated by the distance they had.
Descr.&Forew.
I think the description was good but the foreword could be better. The foreword is lacking a bit and if you maybe left a little bit of the story or a more descriptive snippet of the story, you might draw the attention of more people.
Graphics
The graphics are nice but I think that Kai and Kyungsoo should be a bit further apart and maybe Kai should be looking at Sehun? I actual like the graphics but adding details like this would make it even better. Don't change it unless you want to!
Char. Dev.
I feel like Kai developed in the wrong way which I guess is needed for an angst story. Kyungsoo and Kai were both able to develop feelings for each other and that's a development. I feel like Sehun and Kai's relationship was a bit too rushed and Kai seemed to forget about Kyungsoo too easily. Kyungsoo was mostly lingering on the desire that the cancer would just disappear and he and Kai could be together (which I mean, who wouldn't desire such an awful thing to go away? >_<) . Kyungsoo could never really move on
Appearance
The font was nice and the size was good. The words were easy to read.
Orgin.&Plot
I know it's a low score but hear me out. In a ton of stories, someone dies from cancer. It just happens a lot and yet it always succeeds to make viewers cry (me included). The plot was very nice at the beginning but towards the end it wasn't there as much.
Flow
Towards the end of the story, things seemed to be mashed together and not put into as much detail. Kai seemed (sorry for using that word way too much) to fall in love with Sehun and out of love with Kyungsoo far too easily. The thing that made me the most sad was that Kai hardly gave Kyungsoo a second thought when in a relationship with Sehun. I mean, he should give his full attention and love to Sehun but how could he not have heartache with parting with Kyungsoo.
Writing
Again, you started out describing things really well but nearing the end, things kind of seemed choppy.
Gramm.&Spel.
Spelling was okay but grammar could be improved. Sometimes you would switch between tenses which can make the story confusing. Some sentences didn't really make sense either but these things can be fixed with a beta reader. Don't fret and maybe request for a beta reader. They can help edit the tiny mistakes and make the story more pleasant to read for your subscribers. ^^
Gen.Enjoym.
Of course I am a softy and it made me cry. I could have cried much more if you tried to slow it down a bit in the end so I could get the feels a bit more. I wish Kai didn't fall into Sehun's manipulative words so easily and had more hesitation.
Title : 10/10
Description & Foreword: 7/10
Graphics: 7/10
Character Development: 6/10
Appearance : 10/10
Originality & Plot: 6/10
Flow: 7/10
Writing: 7/10
Grammar & Spelling: 5/10
General Enjoyment: 7/10
72 / 100
Reviewer: Kpop_addict4ever
date : 03 / 01 / 2016
CREDITS :
Credits to Kpop_addict4ever [KA4E] @ Steph's Bookclub Review Shop ©
COMMENTS / Thoughts & REMINDER
Comments & thoughts
Consider lengthening (in details) the end and making Kai's feelings for Kyungsoo more real when contemplating his feelings for Sehun. Maybe get a beta reader. Keep working hard! ^-^ (Also, sorry for the low score ><)
REMINDER
+Comment if you saw this review
+Don't forget to add proper credits with the link back to the shop!
Comments