B#6 | Concealed Identity | KaihleeLo
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Title
Author
Characters
Category
Genre
Status
Concealed Identity
KaihleeLo
Yoo Seungho, Lee Minho, Song Jaerim, Song Joongki, etc
Boy x Girl
Friendship, romance, tragedy, death, drama, comedy, mystery
Chaptered (ongoing)(15 Chpt)
Description
In the late 1700s and 1800s six boys' paths cross and through one another they learn more of what the future has in stored for them. Friendship, love, betrayals, and deaths have yet to greet and torture them.
Title
Your title is quit unique. It fits the story perfectly, as this is an indication to all the secrets and the schemes between all the characters. It's the perfect title for a historical Korean Drama or Movie. It's contains the mystery of the complete story and actually draws in the readers to start reading your story. Well done!
Descr.&Forew.
To be honest, I do find the overall a bit chaotic. I think there are better ways to arrange your description and foreword. I do like the opening with the quotes , it gives you a feeling of being drawn into an ancient story. I don't really understand your concept for the layout that you put in the description. That's why it's bit chaotic.
It would be better if you just put it without that layout, it actually breaks with the authenticity feeling you have when you start reading the quotes the quotes above. Maybe you can change it, to give it a more ancient historical look.
Also the foreword is made out bits and pieces, which result in a chaotic overview. With a little bit of reorganising, you will create a more historical and calm athmosphere and feeling.
When reading your description, you do give the people a taste of what's coming next. I do like one part of your description, which is the following :" When fate and destiny plays them with or against one another, how many lives will be lost, how many will be spared, and how many will be saved?"
This encourages the readers to actually start reading your story. It's as mysterious as the title. It's good that you actually give the meaning behind the story. That way the readers are prepared of what's coming next.
Graphics
POSTER
Well, I have mixed feeling with the poster. I love the tagline used on the poster. It describes already a part of the story. But it's like there's something missing.. unfortunately, I can't tell you what.. It's weird. And than yet again, I do like the poster otherwise but still.. It's like I got a more historical feeling when looking at the previous story. That's why I have mixed feelings. I actually do want to congratulate the graphic designer who made your latest poster, it's well done!
BACKGROUND
The background does fit the story perfectly. It doesn't bother the reader at all when reading the story. It's a very soft background, eventhough there a lot of details on the background. Which makes it a very occupied/busy background. But yet again, it didn't bother me at all while reading. I do think it's because of the colorscheme that is used for the background. It's historical and displays the map of the palace or the city.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh or a bit confused for the graphics. That's not at all my intention, it's just that the background does display the historical feeling of your story while the poster itself is in dubious.
Char. Dev.
You have so many characters that sometimes it isn’t that easy to get a grip of everyone. A lot of side characters do play minor parts in the story but are still needed to complete your story. But even at that point, you did a great job of giving them a voice and a bit of character building. Due to the fact you have so many characters, it's not always easy to spot the major changes in the main characters. They are noticeable but do get a bit lost in all the other character developments. Also to determinate the main characters, it's sometimes a confusing job and most of them are all over the place. I know that in most historical stories and dramas, you can't escape the many characters that you need to actually complete and contine your story. So that's why it is up to the authornim to make the best of it, to give them all a place in the story and not to forget any details with that. Most of them don't really succeed at that. But you are trying to keep your head above the water by trying your best to distinguish all characters in their own way.
I would say, keep continuing like this and you will certainly get there!
Appearance
The font was not too small and not too large. But maybe a little bit larger would be fine, but than again, no.. it would destroy the ancient historical feeling you get when reading the story. I do like the layout of the chapters with the acient sword between the paragraphs. Well done! It's make your story that more actractive and it's fits the feeling perfectly. It's also a very nice way to structure your chapters, otherwise to be honest it would be a hell to read a chapter without getting a headache. (not meant to offend you)
Orgin.&Plot
I don't often read historical stories, as most of them a very heavily filled with a lot of details, which makes it sometimes hard to read. But this plot is very interesting though, and can be used right away to create a movie or a drama from it. It's a perfectly storyline that could have happened in the past. I wouldn't be surprised if it did happen. It is very realisticly possible. All historical stories are full of details and explanations and characters so. I think every historical story on itself is unique and original. The art is to write it in a way that your story will stand out of all the other historical stories. Again, to me it does seem like a huge task to live up too. But than again, I did already read other stories from you.. It only shows us more that you are very capable of writing such stories. I would say to keep up the good work!
Flow
This might sound offending, but for me, it wasn't always easy to follow the story line throughout the story. It felt sometimes very choppy and all over the place. I do think that's a bit the same for all the historical stories. Due to the fact that you have a lot of characters and also a lot of details that you have to pay attention to. The first 3-4 chapters were flowing smoothly but than when you started to introduce new characters to the story, it wasn't always easy to keep up with the story and to follow it. One chapter you have the first 3 main characters and a chapter after that the story takes a side step to the other characters and than back to the main story. Therefor the story does go by slowly but maybe that's a good thing as there is a lot to be taking in by the readers.
Writing
Your ideas and words are conveyed in an understandable way. I do like the dialogues between the characters, because you can already imagine the dialogue happening in your mind in a historical setting. Throughout the whole story, I could follow the story in my mind because you used imagery to create your ideas and story line. The writing itself was full of acient feelings. Well done!
Gramm.&Spel.
I don't know if is English is your first language or not. So I will try to be as gentle as possible. You did your best not to write too many mistakes. But unfortunately you didn't escape from it. The most common mistakes made are when you used your tenses and the conjugation of the verbs.
Original: Later that day, six litters—a wheelless vehicle with the usage of man powered to maneuver it—were seen traveling down a backroad to avoid any attention from the commoners.
Correction: Later that day, six litters - a wheelless vehicle with the use of man power to maneuver it- were seen traveling down a backroad to avoid..
Original: “Isn’t it too much of you to choose an outsider over your own grandson?"
Correction: "Isn't it too much for you to choose an outsider over your own grandson?"
Original: Silence conquer the room for a split second before the sound of paper being handled was heard.
Correction: Silence conquered the room for a split second before the sound of paper being handled was heard.
Original: Because no beings would want to approach him, a traitor and murderer of the King—the nation’s most respected and worshipped person.
Correction: Because no being would want to approach him, ...
Original: “If you didn’t do it then who did? You’re the only one capable of killing his majesty!” Yoomi barked and took a screeching step back as her heels scrap the floor.
Correction: Yoomi barked and took a screeching step back as her heels scraped the floor.
Original: When morning visit again, Inpyo was forced out of his cell blindfolded.
Correction: When morning visited again, Inpyo was forced out of his cell blindfolded.
I know there are a few more of them, maybe it would be nice just to hire a beta-reader to do just a check up on your tenses and your structure of sentences. Again, I do hope I didn't offend you. Your story has great potential but it still needs some work to avoid those little mistakes. You did your best so far! Don't loose faith and hope! FIGHTING!
Gen.Enjoym.
I do acutally love historical dramas and watch a lot of them already. The funny thing is, i do prefer the korean ones! You did great on writing your story so far. I was completely drawn in into the historical athmosphere of your story. It was like I was there myself and could experience every details of the story. I liked your story eventhough is wasn't always that easy to follow. It's mysterious and full of secrets. Well done!
Title : 10/10
Description & Foreword: 7/10
Graphics: 8/10
Character Development: 7/10
Appearance : 8/10
Originality & Plot: 7/10
Flow: 6/10
Writing: 8/10
Grammar & Spelling: 7/10
General Enjoyment: 7/10
75 / 100
Reviewer: StephLovesKCulture
date : 03 / 01 / 2016
CREDITS :
Credits to StephLovesKCulture [STLK] @ Steph's Bookclub Review Shop ©
COMMENTS / Thoughts & REMINDER
Comments & thoughts
Keep on writing! Your story has great potential and it would be a shame if it would go to waste! I would definitely recommend your story to everyone who loves historical Korean Dramas or history in general. Also before I forget, my sincere apologies that you don't have the same reviewer as before. Unfortunately WRX is on hiatus right now, that's why I didn't want you to have too long. So that's why I decided to take over the review. I hope you don't mind and not offended by my review. I only do this to improve the quality of your story. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
REMINDER
+Comment if you saw this review
+Don't forget to add proper credits with the link back to the shop!
Comments