This writing could stand to be more engaging. The story should be able to make the reader invested in the characters’ fates and outcomes, and the story should keep the reader interested. I found it slightly difficult to keep my focus on this story, especially when it seemed that some parts of the story were conclusive, but it just continued on. I know this seems conflicting when I’ve been pushing for a longer story throughout the rest of the story^^ But I’d like to suggest a longer story where we get more exposure to the characters and feel more connected and concerned for their problems, such as their addition. The struggles can be made apparent through more than one scene of conflict, and Jiyong and Taeyeon’s relationship with each other can develop as they help each other through these things instead of a sudden plea when they’re in the club near the end of the story. Additionally, perhaps their “sweet escape” can be written as a location per chapter with more detail to delve deeper into their relationship. It also is a little strange how they are both okay with jumping into this impromptu relationship without really considering their current relationships as much as they really should have. I understand it’s an escape, but more attention should be given to this very plausible conflict. Also, it is unrealistic to add that not very many fans saw them, but the fans that were mentioned just all decided not to mention the relationship and simply just want to write fanfictions about the two. I read that you weren’t a native English speaker, so some of these conflicts and qualities that I feel are lacking will probably be easier to flesh out over time as you gain more experience with this horribly nonsensical and confusing language^^ Once again, I’d like to restate that the ideas and intentions of the story are actually quite good. There’s a lot of room here for the story to go into deep topics and create some great conflicts and romantic tension, and there’s so much potential and so many things I can see happening with this story! I wonder if you can keep this story as an outline and use it to later create a complete chaptered fanfic as you improve. If the execution of the plot and these ideas was improved, it would make for a great story!