Title: Playground of Secrets
Author: Minderaser
Characters: Key, Kim Myungsoo, Chaiyo Nakumora (OC)
Genre: angst, romance, tragedy, psychological
Category: , Boy x Girl
Status: Ongoing (3 Chap) 
Description: ^People hide behind secrets ....

Title (9/10):
Your title for this story is really unique and special! I love it so damn much. It is eye catching and somehow from my POV, the life they are living in is the playground however, for the secrets part I do not really understand but as I read it does gets revealed a little by a little. This is a good point because that is what a good title is suppose to do. Make the readers drawn in, curious then read out to find out about it. Well done! The title has the angst and tragedy feel plus the 'playground' part is doing well to relate to their childhood. But still, I want a more angst title, I just feel it would be good for your story. A title that has life problem releated to have a rough content shown to the readers. "A life playground of misery" perhaps? P.S. correct me if I got a misconception.

Description & Foreword (7/10):
Your description is fine, it gets readers to wonder what the secrets and leave a huge question mark on them which is a good match with the title, it gets the readers to wonder from the start! It does scream out angst and depression so good job on that! However your foreword is not the very best because I dislike the way authors give out the character's personality. Why not just let the readers find out themselves? After all it is one of the reason why some readers read the story. So take that down and replace with perhaps a thoughts from each character that makes the readers curious! Nothing wrong with crediting the shops but I suggest you resize the banner to make the foreword neater.

Graphics (5/10): 
Your graphic is cool but I don't see any relevant to the story but only the character. I think that a new graphic would be good. To start off, maybe I suggest you link the title and poster together like, maybe have the background a 'playground' related theme. The quotes is fine, good enough. Make the characters, perhaps stand away from on another? This is their own life story of hopeless and depression (as far as I read) but they are only best friend in real life. So maybe that will shows some gaps rather them squeezing them into the center of the poster. That is what I suggest for romance related theme.

Character Development (8/10):
You did a great job on describing Key's character, he seems like a guy who minds how people look at him. He wants to have a good name in the school student population thus he will obviously want to hide the fact that he is a gay. You showed how he felt and how others look at him after his secret got revealed so this is a good job well done. Myungsoo who you describe as a drinking addict perhaps needs a futher description why he is always drinking and why he seems so ed up and why he doesn't give a to anything. I won't deduct any marks for this point because I think he woukd be futher elaborate in the later chapters. I believe you would :) For the Japanese-chinese guy(?) Erm.. he is not really realistic. If someone's grandmother is in the hospitial getting a heart surgery would the person still have the feeling to talk to a girl who treat him latte? I don't think so unless he hates her grandmother but come to think, I would feel totally depress, worry and upset if that happens. I would wait outside the freaking surgery room for the latest update of my grandma, I will want to be the first person to be there for her when she come up the surgery room. Perhaps if you want him to meet Yuri, make it after he saw his grandmother and he went outside to get some fresh air. Yuri then come in to comfort him and so on. Maybe I was wrong too, perhaps there is something between his grandma and his relationship that I don't know because it is plotted in the further chapters. Yuri is a girl who seems a little 'Mary Sue' so is the Japanese-chinese guy. Come on, how can he and she know so many languages. The most amount I know is 4. Perhaps make Yuri as a super unique character. This will make the story better not having all the emo kids there.

Appearance (10/10):
The font is fine and so is the size of the font, enough saud lets move on.

Originality & Plot (7/10):
This plot isn't that cliche because the most common plot is with a guy or girl that is depress and someone come into their life and change everything. Yours is about each character's life so well done. I love it. However I do not want Yuri to change their lives, this storybplotting is perfect without romance. Just depression and pure depression and tragedy. Yuri can be someone who just take care of the japanese-chinese guy grandma? I don't know but please don't put romance in it. I just love it if you talk about their depress and hopeless like life! But still, your story up to you and I was just suggesting.

Flow (10/10):
The flow is totally there, continuing from where you ended it so well done! Let's move on.

Writing (9/10):
Great choice of words I have to say and I have the scenes playing in my head so well done but I do want to see a little more speech from Myungsoo.

Grammar & Spelling (9/10):
I do not spot major gramma error even if there is I would just go pass it and continue my reading.

General Enjoyment (8/10):
Tada that is how much I enjoyed! I really do love how the title, description got me wondering and all. Also I love the way you paint the picture in my mind and how depress each of them were describe to be but when Yuri popped out and romance seems to be in the air, I somehow disliked it. I am not a Yuri hater but I just dislike if there is a romance going on because just purely depressed life is good and also they are well describe to be each having a life problem so good job!

Total score: 82/100
Reviewer: dyodyopie
Reviewed on: 30/08/2014
Comments and thoughts: Well done! I will upvote this story too! You know the reason so I won't be telling you. Keep writing you are a good author!


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