July 26

Trust each other again and again. When the trust level gets high enough, people transcend apparent limits, discovering new and awesome abilities for which they were previously unaware. From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.

“Hello?” I answered my phone right away, hoping that it’s my husband.

It’s already four in the morning and I haven’t slept at all. Jiyong on the other hand is not yet home and I’m so darn worried about him already. I tried calling him, but he’s out of reach. Gosh! This whole thing is reminding me about what I did to him when I learned about him and Anne. I ran away, he cannot contact me and he looked for me everywhere (I’m not good in this at all and I don’t even know what to do with him).

“Sis!” Railey said the moment I answered her call, my heart raced so fast because she doesn’t sound good at all.

“What is it?” I asked, praying that she’s just going to say something about work.

“Jiyong” she said and for some unexplainable reason, my tears just fell down my cheeks.

“Sis…what happened to my husband?” I asked and she sighed.

“He called Seunghyun an hour ago and he wants him to go to Club NB…coz he’s there…drinking….of course my husband went for rescue and found your husband in a crappy state…they are now at the hospital” she said and my mind started to get clouded by so many things.

The moment I heard Railey say that TOP and Jiyong are in the hospital, I nearly breakdown for my mind is giving me these tragic thoughts and it’s enough to make me go insane. A few broken bones are fine with me, but if he’s in a state of coma or anything that kisses death, I will surely go wild and I will never forgive myself.

“What are they doing there?” I asked while dressing up (I went out wearing sweatpants and just some crappy shirt).

“Well…according to Seunghyun…Jiyong have bruises on his face…we still don’t know who he beat up or who beat him up…and blood stains are all over his shirt…his hand broke a bone as well” she answered and just by hearing that, I don’t know what to think anymore.

I know that my husband is not really violent at all and as much as possible, he doesn’t want to fight. He’s a good person and he will not beat someone up just because of his overflowing emotions. What I’m afraid of now is, what if the person that he beat or fight with goes to the police and complain about him? This will surely ruin his upcoming album and that will break his heart more.

“I’m on my way to the hospital now sis….thank you for calling me” I said and she sighed.

“Sis…I know that this will be a hard day for you…but always remember that your husband loves you so much and it’s just normal for him to act this way…just hang on” she said and I breakdown.

This is a hurdle in our relationship once again and it’s something big for it involves me and my “infidelity”. Yes, I know that what happened to me and Brady days ago cannot be counted as cheating, but just the mere fact that I got carried away, is enough to ruin me.

When I arrived at the hospital, I felt shivers down my spine right away for I still have a trauma with hospitals. I almost dragged my feet to walk inside the white building and if not for my husband, I wouldn’t even dare to go in.

I head straight to the emergency room but they are not there. Luckily, I heard two women saying that Big Bang members are in one of the hospital’s suite but nobody knows who among the boys were hospitalized (this is how good and fast YG moves).

“I’m Mrs. Kwon…I believe that my husband is confined here?” I asked the attending nurse and she looked at me from head to toe.

“uhmm….I will give the people in Mr. Kwon’s suite a call to tell them that you are here” she said and I looked at her in disbelief.

OK. I know that only VIP’s can recognize me right away and I guess that nurse doesn’t know me, so I just let it slip away.

“Tabi!” I said upon seeing him walking out of the elevator.

“________” he said and looked around.

“What happened?” I asked worriedly and he led me back to the elevator right away.

“Tabi…what happened?” I asked once the doors closed.

“Jiyong is badly beaten and he had beaten somebody badly as well…we still don’t know who that person is but we are doing some investigations now” he said and I looked at him in horror.

“But what if that person complains to the police?” I asked frantically.

“Well…Boram hyung already asked the police for any complains about a fight or some random beat up but as of now….nobody has gone there to complain about it so I guess this won’t reach the authorities anymore” he said and I sighed in relief.

The moment the elevator doors clicked open, I jerk up and took a deep breath. I don’t know if my husband is ready to see me already, but I’m going to take chances since I will not leave him even if he pushes me away.

“_______” TOP called before we enter Jiyong’s suite.

“Yes?” I asked and he looked at me with his melting gaze (OK. I’m still a fan and my inner fan girl can still kick in even in the worst moment of my life).

“Jiyong is really devastated…he’s so screwed and shattered….I know that you are not cheating on him…but…you know your husband….he can be exaggerated at times and his words can pierce right into your heart….all I want to say is…just don’t take his words seriously…he’s angry…mad and totally broken…but…your man loves you so much….you can surpass this” TOP said and I gave him a hug.

“Thank you for being there for us always” I said and he smiled at me warmly.

TOP, Taeyang and Jiyong really become so close (knitted actually) when they became husbands and fathers. Yes, TOP can really be childish (all the time), but he knows when to be a big brother to s as well. He is the one who puts a lot of jokes in his advices, but the moment he becomes serious in talking, you will learn and get a lot from him.

“Oh! You’re already here” Taeyang said and I was shocked to see Seungri and Daesung as well.

“Wow…you guys are all here” I said and they gave out small smiles.

“We are here for support” Taeyang said and I smiled at him.

This is what happens behind the camera, this is the bond that people don’t see in front of the television. These boys treat each other more than members or colleagues, rather, they are brothers that even in the hardest and lowest points of their lives, they wouldn’t even think of letting each other fall straight to the ground, they will pick each other up no matter what.

“What did the doctor say?” I asked while looking at my husband (I didn’t dare to touch him coz I don’t want to disturb him).

“Well…he’s fine…nothing big is going on  but….as you can see…they have put a hand cast on him coz he broke some bones awhile ago and then…his face is a bit swollen and yeah…bruised” TOP answered and I sighed coz this sight of Jiyong doesn’t look good at all.

Gosh! He’s got a lot of bruises on his face and even a cut on his left eyebrow. I swear! He looks like a boxer who has just ended a fight. Now, I am so sure that he did some damage to whoever he has beaten up.

“The doctor confined him because they want to finish his drops since he got dehydrated after drinking…he has drank a lot of alcohol…I’m telling you….I found five bottles of Vodka on his table and he drank that alone” TOP told me and I rolled my eyes.

“I really feel bad” I muttered and Seungri wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“You don’t have to ________....what happened is just an accident and you just got carried away….it’s really obvious that Brady forced you” he said and I smiled at him.

“That’s right…we all know that not even in a million years will you cheat on Jiyong….thing is…this is his first time seeing you like that and he has never thought that it’s actually possible….he just got shocked” Taeyang told me and I nod in agreement.

“And _______...Jiyong hyung might be mad at you right now but it won’t take long….trust us” Daesung said and I nod at him.

Yes, I do know that my husband will understand and somewhat let this thing slip away, for he knows that I didn’t really intend to respond to that kiss.

“What’s making me feel bad is that…I acted way too much when I learned about what he and Anne did…then here I am….doing the same thing” I told the boys.

“_______....it’s actually funny for the same exact thing really happened to the both of you….but his situation is really different from yours….he wasn’t emotional at that time at all…he was tipsy….and yes…he brought the girl to his room…anyway…with you…Brady forced you…and you were so emotional…of course…once you’re in that state…nothing matters anymore” Taeyang said and I started crying.

“You and Jiyong hyung will be just fine” Daesung said while patting my hand.

Hours passed by and the sun is already striking at its best. The boys and I talked till the sun came right up and after that, they decided to go to their respective homes to catch some sleep. Talking with the boys made me calm and comforted. They are really good at giving advices.

“Babe” I said when I felt him move.

“Ouch!” he said while holding his head.

“Don’t sit up…just lie there” I ordered and he just stared at me.

His eyes are still showing pain and I can’t even bare to look straight at him. I’m feeling really guilty and if only I can just wish to some genie to bring us back to normal again, I will definitely do it.

“Is your hand hurting? How about your body? Are you feeling pain anywhere?” I asked worriedly while touching his arms.

“I’m fine” he said and removed my hand on his hand.

“Jiyong” I called and he looked at me coldly.

“________....I want some space first….I’m fine….you can go home now…our kids will surely worry about us the moment they find out that we’re not at home” he said and I feel like he’s pushing me away.

“Jiyong….the kids will be just fine…you need me here” I reached for his hand once again but he shoved it away.

“Please….just go…_______...I can manage myself…our kids needs you” he repeated and that when my blood started to boil.

“Jiyong…you don’t have to use our kids to shoo me away…you can pretty much tell me that you don’t want to see me” I snapped out, my voice shaking.

I am trying my hardest to keep my cool, but this act of his is really getting the hell out of me. Fine! I did this to him before, I pushed him away, asked for space and ed around, but I’m not the kind of person who can take these things for I don’t even know how to handle it.

“Fine…I don’t want you here…happy?” he said and I looked at him, hurt.

“Look Jiyong…if you are doing this to make me feel the way I made you feel before? Congratulations! You have succeeded….I’m being miserable now and all I can think of is how to make it up to you……thing is…I’m not as strong as you…I don’t ev