August 19

Fear: It is life’s only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unnerving ease. It begins in your mind, always…so you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of the words upon it. Because if you don’t, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid it, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.

I’m afraid and it’s eating my whole being up. For so many years, my life has been in peace and I can’t ask for anything more, then here comes my life’s villain, so ready to ruin everything for me. Why? Why do I have to go through this again? Why does she have to show up wherever I go? Am I really destined to be her worst and mortal enemy? What do I have to give or do just to stop this ?

I’m pregnant, ONCE AGAIN. Well, it’s already normal for me to say that, coz I’ve carried seven babies in my womb already. Actually, going through pregnancy is not that hard for me already coz I know what to do with myself when things get a little twisted. Thing is, my past pregnancies except for Isabella’s and Gabby’s are peaceful and so laid back. And now that Lauren is once again out in the wild, she’s going to freak the hell out of me once again (I swear! I don’t want to go to hell again!)

“Oh! Where are you going?” I got shocked when Jiyong suddenly speak.

“Gosh babe!” I said while taking deep breaths “Why do you have to shock me?” I asked and he sat up with a sweet smile on his face.

My husband is really an angel in the morning. I swear! He looks extra glowing today and I have a feeling that my baby news is the sole reason why that smile and light aura is showing up early in the morning.

“I’m sorry” he said and I sighed.

“It’s alright” I joined him in bed (he is really being careful with me and it’s so cute of him).

“Are you feeling weird?” he asked while massaging my hand.

“I’m not feeling good....that’s what I’m sure of” I answered and he looked at me in alarm.

“Do you want me to bring you to the hospital?” he asked in panic and I almost twisted his wrist just to make him stop from freaking out.

“Babe! I’m going to be just fine…I’m feeling a bit nauseous…but this will go away soon” I told him and he sighed.

“Yaaa…you have to tell me everything that you’re feeling from now on...clear?” he asked and I crawled closer to him and leaned in for a kiss.

I don’t know, but this is one strange thing whenever I’m pregnant. I am more intimate to him than my non-pregnant days. Well, I know that pregnant women are a bit sensual and I can prove that coz I tend to be so touchy and clingy.

“Aren’t you going to sleep more? I mean…we slept so late last night” he said, but I shook my head.

“Babe…we have work today remember?” I asked and he looked at me as if he doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

“We’ll be filming for Project Runway…with Isabella and DK….don’t tell me you forgot about that” I said and he gasped in surprise.

“AISH! That slipped out of my mind!” he said and I laughed.

“You are thinking of a lot of things babe…that’s why” I told him and he pulled me closer to him.

My husband’s mind is so full of baby thoughts already. We slept so late last night because he keeps on talking about his plans for the baby. Yes, I know that he’s just excited but his plans are really over the top. He even wants to have twins again (I’m praying for this not to come true though, coz it’s just so hard to raise nine kids).

“Aigoo…I still can’t believe that I’ve hit the jackpot once again” he said and I rolled my eyes at him.

“Kwon Jiyong…I can say that you are a shooter in your past life…or a baby maker…or something that connects with baby making…I swear babe! I know that it’s not hard for me to get pregnant because we are still young and we are oh-so healthy…but puh-lease! EIGHT KIDS! Imagine all of them running around the house…it’s gonna be so CRAZY!” I ranted and he just keeps on laughing.

“Babe…God won’t give us eight kids if he feels that we are not going to handle it well…our kids are angels sent from heaven …they are wonderful gifts to us” he said and I can really feel him.

“Amen” I said and he smiled at me “I agree with every word you say…I’m not regretting having so many kids babe…thing is…it’s just so mind blowing whenever I imagine us taking care of eight kids” I told him and he nods in agreement.

“I know…I can feel that we are up to a bigger challenge” he said and I nod.

Well, I’m so happy to be pregnant once again. Thing is, I’m not that sure if we can still handle all our kids. I mean, just by knowing how busy we can be, it’s enough to say that we are really up to some challenge. Actually, I told myself that once I get pregnant again, I’m gonna stop from working but from the looks of it, I shouldn’t stop yet coz I want to help Jiyong earn money for our big family.

“But come to think of it babe…Isabella is already a teen...she’s no longer a baby and in one way or another…she’s starting to be independent…so I guess this baby really came at the right time” I told him and he nods.

“You’re right…it’s not that hard to take care of the girls already....our problem would be Karielle…we really have to explain things to her carefully…of course...having another baby in the family will really be hard for her coz she’s used to being the only baby” he said and I sighed.

This thing never came in mind. I can say that Karielle is spoiled in any other way, for she’s the youngest. I have a feeling that our little girl will really have a hard time adjusting to the new baby, but I’m confident that she will soon accept everything and we just have to explain how things will work once the baby comes out.

“We can do this Kwon Jiyong!” I said with so much confidence.

“Of course we can _______ Kwon!” he said and we exchanged high fives.

After that talk, we already got out of bed to start a long day. I know that once the clock strikes eleven, our bodies will once again be in our work modes and I just hope that I can still go on with my schedule till the end.

“MUM!” the kids ran towards me and Jiyong, showering us with hugs.

“Babies…be careful with mum...OK?” Jiyong told the kids and they nod in agreement.

“Mum? Are you really pregnant?” Russelle asked innocently, making me and my husband chuckle.

“Yes baby boy…mum is really pregnant” I answered him and pinched his cheeks.

“Mum…is the baby a boy or a girl?”  Danny asked while looking at my tummy.

“We don’t know yet baby boy...don’t worry….mum will take you to the doctors once I’m already good to know the baby’s gender so that you’ll be the first ones to know if you’ll be having a baby brother or sister” I told them and they jumped and clapped in glee.

I can totally see my family’s excitement because my kids and Jiyong cannot stop from talking about their plans for the baby. They are even thinking of possible names already and it’s just so crazy! My in-laws are also going here early to help me with my morning chores (this is super great, but I don’t want them to do my chores for me).

“What are you doing?” Jiyong asked when I was about to start cooking breakfast.

“I’m gonna cook breakfast?” I answered in my isn’t-it-obvious? look.

“Yes…I can see that” he said then grabbed the egg beater in my hand.

“Babe…what are you doing?” I asked and he just smiled at me.

“Sit here” he said then pulled out a chair and I looked at him in disbelief.

“Jiyong…I’m just pregnant….I don’t have any major illness or whatsoever…I can move my arms like this” I wiggled my arms like there’s no tomorrow “And our baby will still be in my stomach….unharmed” I told him and he chuckled.

“Babe…I don’t want you to tire yourself out….all I want for you to do is go to our room and sleep more…or….join the kids in the living room” he said while rubbing my back gently.

Seriously, I feel like a total handicap early in the morning and it’s driving me nuts! My husband is really like this whenever I’m pregnant, but he’s exaggerating everything this time. Before, I can still move around and do light chores and now, I can’t even beat an egg? Gosh!

“Can I just stay here and watch you cook?” I asked and he just stared at me for a while then leaned in for a kiss.

“I love you” he said, being random again.

“I love you too” I replied and he smiled sweetly.

Jiyong’s sweet side will surely boom from this day onwards because he’s really like this whenever I’m pregnant. He doesn’t even want to do things that will make me sad or will disappoint me. He’s the kind of husband who really makes your pregnancy one heck of a good experience.

“By the way….have you called Boram already about our schedule for today?” I asked while munching on some pancakes.

“Yeah…hyung told me that we should be at the studio by one later” he answered and I nod at him.

“Oh!” I said when I saw an article about me on the internet.

“Look at this babe” I told him and he went near me.

“Aigoo…Youngbae and Seungri cannot wait to announce it to the whole universe” he said, making me laugh.

It seems like everybody knows that we are expecting already. Actually, Jiyong announced it also in his me2day account, but Seungri and Taeyang’s tweets were the ones that was noticed first (they even announced it first before Jiyong actually).