How dare he show up? Seriously, I was feeling fine already and I kinda brushed off whatever I’m feeling awhile ago and here he is now, looking like nothing happened. Oh gosh! This is the first time that I’ve ever got pissed on my husband this much and I’m telling you, I don’t feel like seeing him at all.

“DAD!” the kids snapped up the moment he stepped in the room.

“Hey” he smiled like nothing happened that pissed the hell out of me.

“GET OUT!” I shouted, shocking him and the kids.

 First time. Yeah. It’s my first time to shout at him and it’s also a first time telling him to get out of our own room. I’m raging in anger and all I want is for him to disappear like a bubble and never show up again (my emotional state is not even near normal).

“Babe…just…please…listen to me” he took a step forward and I stood up from the floor.

“There’s nothing you can say Jiyong...I don’t even want to hear a single explanation….truth is…I don’t want to hear your voice AT ALL” I crossed my arms on my chest while standing in front of him.

“C’mon…babe…please…let’s talk about this” he said and I shook my head.

“Get out now…PLEASE…my kids and I are about to sleep already” I looked at our kids who are watching the whole thing.

“Mum?” DK called and I looked at her.

“We can go to our rooms now…you and dad should talk” she said and I shook my head.

“No… the eight of us are going to sleep here and no one will go out of this room” I looked at my other kids who are looking so scared.

“But mum...”

“No buts” I grabbed Jiyong by the arm “Let’s go outside” I said and dragged him out.

My blood is boiling at its hottest point and my head is as hot as a pot. I’m telling you, this will be written in our biggest fight history for I’m about to go ballistic already. I’m not ready to hear any explanations from him for I know that my birdbrain wouldn’t even process it.

“Babe” he reached for my hand and I immediately pulled it back.

“Look…I’m sorry…I know that a simple apology can’t mend things easily…babe…I something came up awhile ago that’s why I wasn’t able to arrive on time” he started and I just stood there like I’m not hearing anything.

“Were you saying something? Your mouth was moving and you were looking at me…but all I heard was….blah…blah…blah…blah” I said and he sighed.

Yeah. I know that what I did is really childish and it doesn’t fit me at all. You can’t blame me though, I’m hurt and pissed at him for breaking and ruining our kids’ birthday. That is really the worst thing that he has done.

“I’m tired now…I just want to rest and forget about this freakin day” I turned my back on him and was about to go inside our room when he wrapped his arms around me.

“I’m really sorry babe” he buried his face on the crook of my neck “Sorry what I’ve done…I love you” he kissed my shoulder and it gave me goose bumps.

It is really hard to deal with all of this for I’m not used to me being angry at him. Yes, we argue and fight over little things, but not showing up awhile ago is a different story. I know that he’s busy and something might’ve come up a while ago but he could’ve called to inform us that he can’t make it. I feel like he made us fools coz we’ve waited for him till the last second of that party.

“I love you so much” he repeated again and I removed his arms around me and opened the door.

The moment I opened the door, the kids are all in front of me and it seems like they’ve been listening to our conversation. What’s funny is that, they got so shocked when the door opened that some of them fell on the floor.

“Guys…what are you doing?” I asked with my hands on my hips.

“We’re just playing mum” Isabella looked at her siblings as if trying to tell them through mental telepathy to back her up.

“That’s right mum…we’re just playing…actually…we want to sleep already” Gabby wrapped her arm around her sister’s shoulders and they smiled at each other.

“Are you playing or eavesdropping?” I asked and they all shook their heads in defense.

“Really? OK…I didn’t know that my kids are good liars” I said and walked inside the room.

“Dad” “Dad” “Dad” the kids whispered but I can still hear them and I saw Jiyong standing in front of them.

“Let’s sleep now” I called out and Jiyong told them to obey.

“I love you guys!” he told them before the kids shut the door.

“Love you dad” the girls replied and blew a kiss for their dad.

I guess Jiyong will really be guilty now for his kids still loves him even though he has done something wrong to them. All I want is for him to realize his mistakes, for this whole “I promise to come” thing is going too far already.

And now, here I am beside my four girls and my mind is just flying out of this room to the living room (I can hear Jiyong watching television in the living room) and feeling so bad for ending this day in a crappy mood. Oh well, I can’t do anything about it now, right? I might as well go with it and sleep it off. Goodnight! 

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May 27

To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness. The things two people do to each other they remember. If they stay together, it’s not because they forget; it’s because they forgive. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving.

Have you felt so heavy hearted before that you just want to get your heart out of your body? I mean, c’mon! Waking up knowing that I’m still pissed off with my husband is just so crappy. I feel so wrecked and guilty for not listening to his explanation last night. But then again, I wouldn’t be this pissed if it weren’t for his wrong deed. As I’ve said, he had us waiting for nothing yesterday and he basically ruined our twins’ supposed to be perfect day.

I woke up by the sound of the boys playing with something on the floor. I don’t know if it’s a robot being slammed on the floor, but it really made annoying noises. The girls are not in bed and I kinda have a feeling that they’re up to their daily routines already. Karielle and I were the only ones left in dreamland.

“Boys?” I called and looked down on the floor and got shocked when I saw a lot of bear brick toys surrounding them.

I swear! They’re being surrounded by tons of toys and I have a feeling that their dad was the one who bought that for them. Oh well, it’s a good thing that he didn’t forget to buy gifts for the twins.

“Look mum! We have new toys!” Russelle said while showing one piece to me.

“It’s dad’s gift for us” Gabrielle stood up and showed me an R2d2 bear brick version.

“Really? Did you say thank you to him?” I asked while looking at the toy in front of me.

“Of course mum!” they said and I smiled at them.

How I wish I’m like my twins who can forgive their father easily with just some toys as a bribe. I cannot even understand why I’m still feeling so bad, I mean, he’s here and he still made it and I should give him an A for effort, right?.

“MUM!” Gabby shouted the moment I walked in the kitchen.

“Look! Dad’s cooking something for you” DK said while wearing my apron that goes all the way to the floor for it’s too long for her.

“I’m not hungry” I walked out of the kitchen and went inside our room again.

Another childish thing, yeah, I know, kill me. Is this really going on for a long time? I’m just waiting for my head to cool down but then it’s not even close to that. All I want to do now is prepare for work and get the hell out of the house for I don’t want to show any of my childishness to him anymore.

“Mum?” DK walked in the room and found me sitting at the edge of the bed while crying.

“uhm?” I wiped my tears and gestured her to come in.

“Mum…don’t cry” she wiped my tears using her hand and it made me cry more.

“You know what mum? You and dad should really talk…and you should forgive him also coz the unnies and the kids forgave him already” she said and I looked at her and smiled (how I wish it’s that easy).

“Baby girl…mum needs more time…I’m still hurting” I pulled her closer for a hug and she rubbed my back gently.

“That’s OK…I know that you can’t last without talking to dad” she looked at me and smiled.

“Yeah” I said and kissed her forehead.

My daughter seemed to be feeling the gap and awkwardness between me and her dad. It just feels so weird that a little kid is being our bridge to reconciliation. It also hit me that this whole “I’m not talking to him” thing will really affect the kids for they’ll be feeling the