July 8

Love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness.

If there is one thing that I’ve learned through this recent challenge that was given to my relationship, that is, in marriage, you have to have patience that is longer than one roll of string. We all think that we’re in the driver seat of our own lives, but the truth is, the idea that we can control our fate is an illusion. We can never be really sure of certain things and in my case, I can’t be so sure that my husband will forever be faithful.

I do trust Jiyong, thing is, I don’t trust the people around him (except for the YG people and his family). I guess, I have reached my limit already. Things are going to be different from now on because I’m going to change some things here and there. I’m gonna start with myself of course.

I told myself that I will already be in my game face all the time. My “I’m so confident he wouldn’t cheat on me” belief is now thrown in the bin. Railey and Daryl are correct, there is no room for extreme kindness and understanding anymore for I have to fight for what’s really mine. As the saying goes, you have to make them fear you so that they won’t be stepping on you like you’re some kind of poop.

These past two days has been really tough for Jiyong and I. Our marriage nearly went down the drain and we are just so thankful that we were still able to fix everything. I believe that it’s our love for each gave a big impact to our reconciliation. Of course, our kids are also part of it and just by thinking that there is really a possibility for us to break down, is enough to kill me.

Waking up beside my husband after everything that happened is very overwhelming. Jiyong’s arms are my home and it cannot be compared to any soft pillows. His face is just so sweet while sleeping and I felt tinglies all over my body when he opened his eyes while I’m tracing my finger to his beautiful face.

“mmmm”

“Good Morning” I said and kissed his forehead.

“What time is it?” he asked with his deep and y morning voice.

“mmm….six” I answered and he just stared at me.

“It’s still early” he said lazily and I nod in agreement.

“I woke up for no reason at all and now…I cannot go back to sleep anymore” I told him and he slides his arm behind my nape and hugged me so tight.

“Are you bugged by something again?” he asked, almost whispering.

“My mind is so empty…there are no thoughts in it at all babe” I answered and he gave out a low and y chuckle.

“Babe” I called and he opened one eye.

“Do you need to go to work today?” I asked.

“We have a recording later this afternoon….why?” he answered and I sat up.

“I was thinking of taking this day off from work….I just want to bum around with the kids” I told him and he looked at me as if I’m telling him the lamest joke ever.

“Mrs. Kwon? Is that really you?” he asked and I smirked.

OK. This is not so me, for my day will not be complete without working and I’ve never really skipped a day not unless I really have to. I don’t know, but I just feel like making-up for the day that I wasn’t able to take care and see my kids.

“Babe…I’m serious…I wanna make this day a family day” I told him and he reached for my hand and kissed it.

“Arasso” he said and I looked at him curiously.

“What does that suppose to mean?” I asked and he smiled at me.

“I will not go to our recording today since my lovely wife will not go to work….I’m gonna stay here with you and the kids as well” he said and I shook my head.

“Babe…it’s just fine for you to go to work…I mean…you need to be there for you are finishing your album….the kids and I are just going to hang out here anyway…I can’t take them out since I can’t walk that well yet” I said and looked at my wounded legs.

And from there, Jiyong grabbed his phone on the side table and dialed Teddy’s number. Next thing I know it, my husband and I are already planning on what to do with this sudden family day of ours.

“I really want the kids to bond...it’s not that they’re not bonded and all…I just want them to be more close” I told him and he started thinking.

“I want to cook all their favorite foods for them….is that hard?” Jiyong asked and I laughed.

“Babe…you know so well that amongst the two of us…you are the one who is skilled in cooking…and just by thinking about the foods that our kids like…is enough to bring me to total insanity…I can’t even cook a simple spaghetti” I said and he laughed so hard.

“Wait” he got up from bed, got a pen and paper and sat next to me.

“OK…Let’s write what the kids love to eat” he said.

Jiyong and I started writing what our kids love in terms of food, activities, etc. We shed no sweat for we know them so much, thing is, there are a lot of things written on our paper and it’s just so hard to choose what to do and cook. It is so fun as well for we have lots of debates over petty things.

“List of the Little Kwons’ Favorite Foods” made by mum and dad.

Isabella- any kind of pasta

Gabriella- pizza and ddobbuki

DK- anything except fish

“She can eat fish babe….she just don’t want to see them dipped in a soup” I told Jiyong and he laughed so hard.

“Yeah…the reason why she doesn’t like fishes in soup is because they think they’re still alive” Jiyong said and laughter filled our room.

Danny- dad’s kimchi fried rice

Russelle- bibimbap and dumplings (beef to be exact)

Gabrielle- Potato Pierogi (this is so impossible for us to make) and Wonton soup

“Why are our son’s taste buds…so expensive?” Jiyong asked after writing what Gabrielle wants.

“Simple…because he’s your son…everything expensive is what you like the most” I answered and he looked at me in disbelief.

“Yah! I may be buying a lot of expensive things…but I can also be happy with cheap ones” he defended and I just nod my head.

“Whatever you say” I said and he sighed.

Karielle- beef radish soup

PS: They all have a sweet tooth and deserts will always be on their top must haves.

“List of activities/ games that we will do today”

1.       Dress Up game then fashion show-->suggested by Mrs. Kwon opposed by Mr. Kwon.

“Tell me…why do we have to play dress up?” Jiyong asked.

“Because it is fun and the kids will love it for sure” I answered confidently.

“But our sons will hate it…I’ll bet my whole life on that” he said and I shook my head.

“It’s not them who hate it…it’s you babe…just write it down!” I said and he sighed and obeyed in the end.

2.       Bowling-->suggested by Mr. Kwon and Mrs. Kwon is not into it AT ALL.

“Bowling?” I said after he wrote it.

“Yeah…this is gonna be fun…let’s have a match on our backyard” he said and I looked at him with no interest at all.

“Why?” he asked and I sighed.

“Babe…do you think our daughters will love that?” I asked and he nods confidently.

“Of course…DK…Isablella and Karielle are athletic” he answered “And Gabby can cheer well” he added, making me laugh so hard.

“That is really a good definition of Gabby” I said and he cracked up laughing.

“We need to buy bowling pins since we don’t have one” I told him and he nods.

“Arasso” he said with a huge and satisfied smile on his face.

3.       Yoga-->Mrs. Kwon’s idea which is strongly being opposed by Mr. Kwon.

“What the!” Jiyong said with his, are-you-messing-up-with-me look.

“What? Yoga is fun and super good for the health” I told him and he shook his head in protest.

“Babe! Just try it OK? The girls and I enjoys it…I’m so sure that you guys will enjoy it as well…trust me” I said and he shook his head once again.

“Mrs. Kwon…Daryl forced Youngbae to do Yoga once…and my bestfriend told me that doing it is hell here on earth…he can’t even move his body for days because it was twisted and stretched too much” Jiyong said, making me laugh.

“But this is different babe…we’ll do a family Yoga…I bought a DVD months ago coz I want to try it….don’t worry…nobody will crack a bone here…unless….” I said and looked at him playfully.

“What?” he asked.<