December 24

You can’t turn love on and off like a light switch, no matter how hard you try. All you can do is wall it off, one brick at a time until you’ve created an impenetrable fortress around your emotions. And once that fortress is built, you camouflage it so well that even you can’t see it anymore. Some things can’t be put back together. Some things can never be fixed. Two broken pieces can’t make a lot of anything anymore.

I can kiss my sweet life goodbye and welcome pain once again. This whole marriage is so perfect even with all its challenges and third wheels but I’ve reached my limit and all I can say is, I’m already sick of it all.

Last night, I made the biggest decision of my life. I told myself that I have to fight for me and my children. That even though I know I’m going against my husband this time, I don’t give a damn for all I want is to make him suffer and give him the pain that he hasn’t experienced yet. Yes, I know that I don’t know if the rumors are true or not but from  the pictures that I’ve seen, it’s already enough to tell me that something is going on and seeing Anne with her son walking inside our house is enough proof for me already.

I just cannot believe it. How in hell can Jiyong do this to me? What have I done to him and Anne for them to cheat on me? As far as I know, I’ve been a good wife. I’ve given him all of me and I’m so ready to give him my life if I have to, but why do I feel like he’s not loving me as much as I love him? We’ve been on this road before and it just keeps on repeating. As a matter of fact, I already know how this will go and I pretty much know how it’ll end. But I’m telling you, this time, the ending would be very painful and life changing. I’m not afraid to lose him anymore, for he’s not even afraid to lose me ever since.

“_________...Omma and your parents wants you to go back to the hospital…now” Dami-unnie told me.

“I won’t go back there...I’m sorry…but I’ll be a hard headed tonight….unnie…I want to go back to Korea….NOW” I told her and she just stared at me.

“Are you insane sis? Seriously unnie…I thought she was just joking” Daryl told Dami-unnie and I rolled my eyes at her.

“Alright….I’ll give what you want….BUT…let’s go home first” Dami-unnie gave in and that’s when my heart started beating fast.

I know going back to Korea at this time is really going to cause chaos, but I have to do what I got to do. I need to straight things up and clear everything. I can also say that I have to end whatever I have to end as well (I’m serious about this).

The moment we arrived at home, my children as well as Omma, mum and dad are all in the living room waiting for us.  Daryl and Dami-unnie has convinced me to go back home first to pack and explain my plan to my parents and Omma.

“MUM!” my kids ran towards me right away.

“Babies!” I welcomed each of them in my arms and I’ve received tight hugs from them.

“How are you mum?” Isabella asked and when I looked at her, her eyes are swollen and I can really see sadness and pain in them.

“Baby girl” I said and she forced a smile for me.

“Mum’s fine….no need to worry…the twins are also in good shape” I told them and they clapped in glee.

It seems like my three big girls are trying to cover up their real emotions. I know that they are hurting inside and from the way they look at me, I can say that they want to help us fix things but unfortunately, this problem can only be fixed by me and their father.

“Children…I want all of you to go up to your rooms and stay there for a while” Daryl told the kids and all of them obeyed.

This is the hardest part of all. I’m being surrounded by the people that loves me and Jiyong so much, and I know that they are sharing my pain, but what’s worst is, I’m facing my mother in-law and not only that, my parents are here as well. It’s actually a good thing that they are in good terms coz if not, I can already imagine a war and an exchange of hurtful words from both side.

“Why did you run away from the hospital?” Dad asked and I just stared at him for a while.

“Dad…I don’t want to be stuck there…after all…I’m good…I’m fine….I don’t need to stay there for long” I answered and Omma started crying.

“Sweetheart…I know that you are hurting…but please…don’t risk your life and the babies just because of this…your doctor told us that you are not yet well…as a matter of fact…he wants you to be back by tomorrow morning” mum said and I hissed.

“I already told you…I don’t want to go back to the hospital anymore…I’m going to Korea in a few hours and all I need is for you guys to chill and not worry about me” I said and they gasped in shock.

“What? ________....you can’t…..it’s too dangerous” Omma said and I can really see that she’s totally against my plan.

“I have to…my family’s life is depending on this….I know that I’m being stupid once again but I just can’t wait for another day without knowing the truth….I want to see Jiyong and his  girl with my two big eyes…I want to know if she’s really living in my house….I want to see everything for myself so that I can already be awake from this martyrdom…I hate this life already and now…I have all the reasons to get out of it” I told them and Omma cried so hard that it shattered my heart.

If there’s one person aside from me who is hurting so badly, it’s Omma.  I know that she’s ashamed of what her son has done and if only she can voice out what she really feels, I know that the first words that will come out of is, Why? Why do you have to do this?

“But….you can’t even travel….your health is at risk baby girl…we cannot let you go to Korea…I’m sorry” dad said and I shook my head.

“Whether you like it or not…I’m going…I’m sorry for my being hard headed…but I have to do this just for my whole being to be at peace…I need answers to a lot of questions and it has to be answered soon for my sanity to be saved…first of…I have to do something about my husband as soon as possible for I don’t want to wait for nothing...please…let me go already” I almost begged.

“I’m saying yes to it” Dami-unnie said all of a sudden and I smiled at her.

“Yah!” Omma said while looking at her.

“Omma…she needs this…_________ will not be at peace knowing that her husband is in another country with another girl….after all…Jiyong has to wake up to his senses…he has to suffer if needed….I know that wishing your brother to suffer is totally bad but…he’s gone too far with this already and he just needs to learn his lesson” Dami-unnie explained and I saw mum nod in agreement.

“Alright…I’m good with it as well…but I have to ask you this” dad said after some time and I wait for him to continue.

“What will you do if all the rumors happened to be true?” he asked carefully.

That question didn’t come into mind at all. Reality sinks in after a while and I just found myself thinking of what to do after all the confirmations. My mind is telling me that I should just go with it and file for divorce, but my heart knows so well that I can’t even force myself to sign that paper once again. We’ve been down that road before and I’ve sworn to myself that I will never walk that path again.

“I don’t know yet dad…but I’ll figure things out for sure” I answered and he sighed.

“I’m going with her Omma…Auntie…Uncle” Daryl speaks out all of a sudden.

“Are you sure darling?” mum asked and she nods.

“My husband wants us to go home already and I think it’s time to go back” she answered receiving an approval from the three.

“Dami…you should go with them as well…they need someone to watch over them during the trip” Omma instructed and unnie nods in agreement.

“That’s really my plan Omma” she said and wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

And we’re all set. Dami-unnie, Daryl, Yuan and I are going back to Korea in a few hours and I’m about to face my husband already. I don’t know, but I can’t wait to get them busted. None from the people in Korea knows that I’m coming back and I’m so sure that Jiyong is going to have the biggest shock of his life once he sees me.

“Let’s call Railey first… we don’t want to shock her with our sudden trip back home” Daryl told me and I nod at her.

I know that we shouldn’t be disturbing Railey as of the moment for she has to be stress free coz it’s going t