September 1

Your get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place, like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this place, because you’ll never be this way every again. There are times when the actual experience of leaving something makes you wish desperately that you could stay, and then there are times when the leaving reminds you a hundred times over why exactly you had to leave in the first place.

I hate leaving. No. I hate saying goodbye. This is by far the hardest thing to do and I guess, most people would agree with me. I am not even good in bidding farewell and I have to admit that I cry myself to sleep after moving in to another place. Just by thinking that I’m about to leave the place that has been my home for YEARS now is really hard. Korea has given me life and leaving it totally .

Today is our last day here in Seoul and tomorrow, we’ll be bound for New York already. Mum and Dad arranged things for us there and all we have to do is show up. Thing is, Jiyong and I along with the kids are really not yet ready to leave. Our kids are still trying to understand why we have to go to America and we don’t know how to explain things to them anymore (DK is now all good with it, but the rest is still in their “I don’t wanna go to America” stage).

“Babe” I hugged him from behind and said.

“mmmmm?”

“I think we have to get up now” I said and he covered himself with the duvet and it’s enough to tell me that he doesn’t want to get up yet.

“Babe…we still have a lot of packing to do” I told him.

“Can we just do it later?” he asked and I sighed.

“Nope!” I said and sat up.

“Kwon Jiyong….get up now” I stood up, grabbed his hand and tried pulling him up.

“C’mon” I said while pulling him up.

“Aigoo” he said and sat up all of a sudden causing me to lose my balance.

“Oh gosh!” I said and almost fell on the floor, good thing my husband’s reflexes are as fast as lightning for he was able to pull me to him.

Gosh! My life almost flashbacked to me during that time coz I was actually expecting to fall all the way down to the floor and it’s going to cause a big problem. If it happened that Jiyong wasn’t able to catch me, our baby will once again be in danger. Now I’ve learned another life lesson: Don’t stand up in bed while pulling your lazy husband up because once he sits up, you’ll surely lose your balance. Yeah. Call me STUPID!

“That was close” I told him and I can still see panic on his face.

“Yah! You nearly killed me there!” he shouted and all I can do is sigh.

“Babe…I’m sorry” I told him and he stared at me.

“AISH!” he pulled me closer to him and hugged me tightly.

“I don’t want to go to America with an injured wife” he said, making me laugh.

“I actually thought that we’re gonna lose the baby again” I told him and I can see that he got shocked with what I said.

“Yah! I can still take you having a broken bone…but losing our baby? That’s too much to handle” he said and I gave him a peck on the lips.

“I know….but this is all your fault” I told him and he looked at me in disbelief.

“What?” he asked and I pursed my lips, controlling myself not to laugh.

“This is all your fault…if you get up the moment I told you to get up…I wouldn’t be standing in bed to pull you up” I told him and he smirked.

“Yah! If I was in your place…I wouldn’t even think of standing up in bed…I’ll just slap the hell out of you or shout my lungs out just to wake you” he said and I burst out laughing.

I am just playing with him. I know that I can’t fool around a person who just woke up because they are still grumpy and pissed off with the whole world. It’s just so cute to see my husband with a hot head early in the morning (weird thing).

“Babe” I sat on his lap, facing him and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Sorry….I’m just fooling around” I told him and he looked away from me, pissed.

“S….o…r…r..y” I said like a little child, making him smile.

“Aigoo…you can really get out of everything” he said and wrapped his arms around me.

“You are such a cutie whenever you get pissed early in the morning” I told him and he looked at me in disbelief.

“Yah! Seriously…I’ve noticed that you are tripping on me almost every single day…what’s worst is…you are having fun every time I get mad or pissed at you....it’s really disturbing” he said and I laughed.

“I find it really weird babe…but I guess we have to blame my pregnancy for it” I told him and he looked at me in confusion.

“What did our baby has to do with it?” he asked curiously and I started thinking.

Well, Daryl told me that there are women who are having these crazy and out of this world cravings. She told me that she knew someone who craved for her husband (she didn’t eat him, OK) coz she likes to see him every second. She cries whenever he leaves for work and even calls him every hour just to hear his voice. It’s really weird but I guess it’s somewhat true. I’ve noticed these past few weeks, whenever Jiyong leaves for recording or live performances, I will just find myself looking at his picture and missing him like crazy. It still didn’t come to a point where I cry because I miss him badly, but I am extremely sad when he’s not around.

“You will not even understand” I told him and got out of bed.

“Yah! ________ Kwon!” he shouted when I was about to go out of our room already and I just turned to him and smiled.

This morning is not the bubbliest and jolliest morning of all, for our kids are just sitting down on the couch while watching television and they are really silent. The boys are not playing outside like they use to and you can clearly see the girls’ smug faces. I think only Karielle is in her normal self in this household coz she doesn’t know anything yet. 

“Hey babies! Good Morning!” I greeted and they just looked at me.

“What’s the matter?” I asked and squeezed myself beside Gabby on the single couch.

“Mum…this is our last day here in Seoul” Isabella answered and I gave her a forced smile.

“Baby girl…I know” I said and she went near me.

“But I don’t want to go” she said and I sit her on my lap.

“Baby…we have to go…don’t worry…we’ll get used to all the things there sooner or later” I told her and she started sobbing.

Our kids are not ready for changes yet. They are afraid to embrace another environment because in their minds, they are made for Korea and this place is where they belong. The girls are afraid to be bullied (they read this article on the internet about bullying in America) and it’s just so crazy because they are really researching about America. The boys on the other hand are a little worried that they might not be able to play around like what they do here in Seoul. Truth is, Jiyong and I also have fears and it’s all deep and serious.

“Baby girl…don’t think about the things that you have read from the internet…coz it’s not that accurate and all of the articles that you have read are negative…there are also positive things…actually….there are tons of positive things more than the negative” I told her and she just sighed.

“Mum? Are we really leaving tomorrow?” Gabby asked and I gave her a nod.

“This is really not a dream” DK said in her saddest tone.

“Babies…please…cheer up….we don’t want to spend our last day here in Seoul with smug faces…right?” I said and they just sighed.

“Are we going to do the same things there? Is our house going to look like this as well?” Danny asked and I smiled at him.

“Baby boy….we’re still going to be like this…nothing will change or anything….you can still play the moment you wake up and mum will still make pancakes for breakfast…babies…the only thing that will change is our house and the place we’re living in…not us” I told them and I can feel that my kids are really trying hard to understand everything.

The kids are not ready for changes and they think that a lot of things will change once we start living there. Well, maybe some things will change but those are not going to be that big.

“Wazzup!” Jiyong said cheerfully the moment he walked in the living room.

My husband noticed the gloomy mood in the room right away and I can see that his heart is breaking while looking at our kids. Whose heart won’t break, right? I mean, we are going to pull our kids out of their comfort zones and basically force them to something that they really don’t like.

“Aigoo” he said, pretending that he’s all fine and not affected by what he’s seeing.

“Dad…I don’t want to go to America” Gabby ran towards Jiyong and hugged him.

“aww….baby girl” he carried her up and rubbed her back gently.

“This is really sad” DK said and I asked her to sit beside me and hugged her and Isabella.

“Dad….da!” Karielle said all of a sudden, shocking all of us.

“Ow…kyeopta!” Jiyong said with a sweet smile on his face.

“K…it’s not Dad-da…it’s dad” Gabrielle told her and she just giggled.

“She’s really having her own made up words” DK said and I chuckled.

“Baby girl…you are like that before as well…actually…you’re worse than her” I told her and she looked at me as if I’ve offended her.

“Mum!” she said in disbelief.

“Actually…all the girls are like that” Jiyong butted in and our daughters glared at him.

“We’re not!” Isabella said in protest.

And we are in a family war once again. These are the moments wherein you’ll really find the Kwon family weird. We tend to make things a big deal and agree to one thing in the end.

With my kids being enlightened a bit, Jiyong and I head to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. My husband is the one cooking ever since we learned that I was pregnant. I’m telling you, Jiyong is so consistent in doing all the chores and it’s just pretty unbelievable.