January 1

People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used. You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. People will hate you, rate you, shake you and break you, but how strong you stand is what makes you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Yeah, another year has ended and I’m still stuck in the past. I don’t know, but I’m totally not feeling this merry year at all. Yes, my family is still intact and all our issues were solved but we still have a lot of things to think about and give solutions to. I know that this will soon end but I’d really love it to just disappear even just for a while.

Well, last year was blessed and totally fun for us but as the year comes to an end, we kinda got twisted and it’s still carrying on till this year. Jiyong and I managed to fix our marriage and is still working on our relationship but no matter how we try fixing it, there are still moments wherein we lose hope that one day it’ll still be fixed and our lives will still go back to normal.

My day started with Railey loudly banging my bedroom door (she’s a bit stronger now and I’m really happy for her). I swear! This kind of wake-up call is really Railey’s trademark and she’s just so annoying. She’s lucky coz we’re both in a sensitive situation coz if not, I’ll be wrestling her till she drops.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR SWEET !” she shouted in glee with a high pitch tone that can break any glass.

“Oh gosh” I said and covered myself with a duvet.

“C’mon! Why are you so lazy? It’s a new year baby! There’s no room for your laziness!” she said and keeps on drumming my .

“Five more minutes” I said but she just doesn’t wanna stop.

I wasn’t able to get a good night sleep last night for I keep on thinking about my husband. He left yesterday morning and as usual, I’m worrying about him (I always gets paranoid whenever he travels). I only fell in deep sleep when he messaged me that he and Omma already landed and is just waiting for his manager to pick them up.

“One….two….three….four….five….times up!” Railey snatched the duvet as I try covering myself with something again.

“Gosh sis! I told you five MINUTES not five SECONDS!” I said in annoyance and she just smiled at me.

I don’t know, but the sight of Railey now is not really good and even though I know that she’s just fine, there’s still a part of me that pities her. Her frail looking body is enough to make me cry and I’m telling you, the Railey before is so far from the Railey now. She looked a bit old, tired and totally fragile. Her skin is dry as well as her hair, the glow in her eyes aren’t there anymore and you can already see her cheek bones from being thin.  I know that this is part of her medications (it was said that her body will really go weak), but it’s just too much for me to handle.

“Get up now! It’s a new year and we have to have fun!” she said and I looked at her weirdly.

“Oh gosh! I want to go out for some pizza and then ice cream….stroll around the mall and go shopping….then drink a little” she said and I looked at her in disbelief.

“Sis…I’m all good with the pizza…ice cream and shopping….but drinking? Are you nuts? Any form of alcohol is not allowed for you” I told her and she laughed.

“I’m missing some beer sis! I know that it’s bad and it’ll totally screw up and me up but I’m craving for it….I mean…it’s been months since I had my last alcohol and my body just can’t resist not having it today for I’m so used to drinking every new year” she said and I shook my head.

“NO! I won’t let you….sis…I know that you’re itching to drink and put some alcohol in your body but it’s just a no-no for you right now….just listen to me….we can drink whatever safe beverage out  there but no alcohols” I said and she gave out a pout.

Seriously, Railey is being a typical drama star patient (patients are usually so good in being dramatic that they want you to pity them all the time). Yesterday, she wants me to bring her to out for a walk because according to her, she will already die if she’s not going to get any sun. Well these acts are tolerable but I don’t want her talking about death or something close to that. I mean, c’mon! It’s so scary to even hear her talk about it. Coz I know that once cancer hits her big time, she will definitely be in a coffin in a swish but she’s still so far from that. Her cancer is till curable and we will try any way possible for het to get well.

After that, I was able to get up of bed and the moment I walked out of my room, my kids are already having the time of their lives dancing and playing around the living room. They all look so happy and they are all giggly as well.

“Happy new year babies!” I greeted and they rushed to me and hugged me tightly.

“Mum! Happy New Year!” they greeted back and showered me with kisses.

“Happy New Year Aunt Railey!” they hugged their Aunt who gave them wet kisses on the cheek.

“Aigoo…these kids are really the sweetest” Railey said and the kids giggled.

As usual, I’m back to being the cook of the house. Well, since Omma already left with Jiyong yesterday, that just means that I’m the one responsible for the kitchen. Preparing breakfast is all good to me for I’m so used to it but lunch and dinner is still a question mark. Maybe I can bring my kids out for lunch and dinner but I’m sure that they will soon get tired of eating out and I’m gonna be doomed for I don’t even know how to cook a single dish aside from Kimchi fried rice.

“Wow!” I said upon seeing foods on the table.

“I bought them for breakfast….you know sis…I’m kinda sick of your pancakes so I’ve decided to buy all these” she said and I chuckled.

“This is so good….at least I don’t have to cook anymore” I said and she smirked.

We prepared the table in a very presentable manner and the kids helped as well. We put colorful linens and plates this time and removed the Christmas decors on the table. All of my kids are sad that Christmas is already over but they are happy for this day is going to be lively and full of fun.

“This is so good…I’m sure mum didn’t cook this” Isabella said while having a bite of her mac and cheese.

“I know right! Mum is just for pancakes…not for toasts of any kind and pastas” Gabby said and I looked at them.

I can’t believe my girls. They are talking like I’m not there in the same room with them. Am