There are two things that most people are afraid of: Being hurt because of love and Dying. Well, in Railey’s book those two are really her fears.  She’s always this bubbly girl who always tries to be perfect and somehow push herself to the limit just to stay on track. But what will you do if you are down with a major illness and all you know is that you’re in serious danger if everything goes wrong. How will you face your family and friends after this? Are they going to stay or not?

Railey Choi never forgets to check her s every month. She’s been doing it since she became an adult for her mother always reminds her about it and from there, it already became a routine. They have a line of cancer in the family and it somehow scared her, but whenever she checks herself, she can’t feel any lumps so she knows that she’s free from danger. Things turned out differently four weeks ago. She checked herself in front of the mirror one morning and felt lumps in each s. At first she was still playing it cool for it can be benign and it’s nothing serious but when it started hurting, that’s the time she went to the doctors to seek for help.

“Mrs. Choi” Doctor Lee called and she jerked up nervously.

“Oh please God…make me live” Railey kept on praying as she walk towards the doctor’s office.

“Have a seat” the doctor said and from the way she looks, Railey already have a clue on what’s waiting for her.

Her doctor is jolly and the smile on her face never fades, but today she’s different. Her serious expression can really freak you out. It’s like you already know what’s written on that pink paper.

“Mrs. Choi…this is going to be heavy…but…I have to say it anyway” Doctor Lee started and Railey’s tears fell automatically.

“You have cancer” she continued.

It was a blur at first. Railey actually thinks that it’s just a bad dream. She even got to a point where she secretly pinched herself just to check if she’s awake or not. It was her darkest and scariest nightmare and all she can do is cry.

“You have stage one cancer…it’s a good thing that you went here earlier because if not…you’ll be in more serious trouble...you see…most women thinks that having cancer is already the end of the line for them…but what they didn’t know is that…they shouldn’t be afraid of it for there are treatments and with proper medication…they can be lifted from this worst scenario….Mrs. Choi…I know that this is hard for you to take because it’s all too sudden…but I want you to be strong” Doctor Lee touched Railey’s arm and it made her patient more emotional.

“You have to have a good circle for support…your husband can really play a big role in this and I’m so sure that you’ll surpass all the medications that you’ll be needing…don’t worry…I will not make you suffer long…we will do whatever it takes just to take you out of this dreadful state” she continued.

Railey knows that she can’t say it to TOP yet. Her husband has so much in his plate right now, to the point that he is always out of his element nowadays.

TOP’s career has been scattered all over the place after Big Bang announced their disbandment and it made him really sad. The group has been his home for YEARS and he still cannot believe that it was all over for them. The superstar knows that there are a lot of good opportunities waiting for him, but without his four brothers, he seems a little lost.

“A surgery is needed….it’s either a Lumpectomy or Mastectomy…well…these are both heavy surgeries for it’ll really affect your s drastically…in Lumpectomy…you are going to keep your s…thing  is…it can be distorted in the process but you can always have it reconstructed…in Mastectomy…we’ll remove your s and it may take a long while to reconstruct it…then after your surgery…you’ll be having a five to seven weeks radiation therapy….it can be an excruciating ride but these procedures will get you out of cancer” Doctor Lee explained.

For a woman, her s are one of the most important features in her body. Without it she feels incomplete and knowing that once you removed it, it’ll never come back again. Yes, you can have it reconstructed but it’ll take you a long time to even bring it back to normal.

“Can I not decide on it yet? I mean…I have to ask my husband’s opinion on this first…coz I know that I shouldn’t be making a decision on my own” Railey told her and the doctor nods in agreement.

“You have to go back after a month for your check-up…you can go through this…trust me” Doctor Lee gave her a warm smile and it helped a bit.

The bubbly mother of three is now broken and torn apart. Her life flashed back in front of her very eyes and it made her think of a lot of things. Why me? What have I done to deserve this? For all she knows, she leaves healthy for she’s too organic and she’s trying so hard to say no to foods that can make her big fat blow up.

“Hey honey!” TOP said the moment he entered their living room.

“Honey? Yah Railey Choi!” he called for her attention once again and it snapped her back to her senses.

Railey is in deep thoughts. She knows that she have to tell her husband everything about this sad news but she can’t find the right time for it. TOP will take things seriously and knowing him, he will surely break in pieces.

“Why are you so out of your element?” TOP asked while playing with her fingers.

“Nothing…I’m just tired from work” she answered and smiled at him.

“But Daryl told me that you took this afternoon off” he said, making his wife nervous.

“I need to tell him…I’ve got to tell him” Railey keeps on repeating to herself.

“uhmm….I’ve got meetings outside the office…that’s why” she reasoned out “By the way! Did you know that _________ and Jiyong are going here next month?” all she can do is change the topic and brush the matter off for a while.

“Yeah…Jiyong called me already and that punk is excited….he told me that their whole family is coming and it’s making me really giddy” TOP said and she nods in agreement.

For the Choi couple, the Kwons are really the couple to follow. They are their role models for Jiyong and _________’s relationship has been tested from highs and lows. Thinking about it now, Railey can’t help but feel bad for as much as she wants to be as strong as _______, she can’t for she doesn’t even know how to pull herself out of misery. She knows that her bestfriend worked so hard just to be happy and now, all she wants is to have the heart to fight for her life till the end like what ________ did.

“Omma!” Randall called her from the bathroom.

“OMO! What are you doing here?” Railey asked upon seeing her son in the tub, all wet with his clothes on.

“I want to swim” he answered, making his mother laugh.

Randall is really like his father. He can be so random and he will do whatever he wants even if it’s so out of this world. They have this rule that no one will swim after five in the afternoon and it’s already seven in the evening, so that just means that the kids are not allowed to even get near the pool already. And because of that, the five year old just thought of filling the tub and dipping himself in just to satisfy himself.

After bathing her son, Railey continued her chores and cooked dinner. In the Choi household, dinner is always served late and they are so used to it already. The Choi couple doesn’t want to have nannies which only mean that Railey is the only one who moves around the house to do everything. TOP helps her once in a while whenever he’s not busy but it’s his mother who always lends a helping hand.

“WOW!” the kids said upon seeing their mum’s specialty on the table.

“Super cheesy lasagna for my babies” Railey said and the kids clapped in excitement.

“Aigoo…you don’t get sick of this” TOP said while pinching Raj’s cheek.

“Appa…this is our favorite….of course we will not get sick of it” Tabitha told her father, making him giggle.

 “Oh! Have you passed your homework awhile ago?” TOP asked her and she sighed.

“Homework?” Railey asked while feeding Raj.

“Neh Omma…Appa helped me draw some animals…thing is…they don’t look like animals at all” Tabitha answered, cracking the hell out of Railey.

“As expected” she said and laughed so hard again.

TOP and Tabitha are now inseparable. From being distant and awkward, they are now the best of friends and TOP cannot even last a day without playing with his daughter. Yes, he plays tea party with her as well as dolls. He has also memorized the lines of the movie Tangled which is his daughter’s favorite movie.

“Omma…Appa…did you know that my teacher is pregnant? She announced it to us awhile ago and I told her that I’m going to have a baby sister or brother soon too” Tabitha said, earning a smile from TOP but a forced smile from Railey.

According to Doctor Lee, Railey can’t get pregnant for five years because of her medication. It is so ironic for she badly wants to get pregnant and they are trying so hard for it and now, she doesn’t even know how to tell her husband that without protection is a big no-no already.

After dinner, the Choi kids prepared for their movie night already and they’ve got their popcorns and some other snacks with them. Railey can’t help but tear up while watching her kids and husband smiling and giggling while watching a comedy movie. She pities her children for they are too young to be experiencing this dreadful moment. Of course, they will be affected by this as well and what’s worrying Railey is how she will take care of the kids while being treated for cancer. Her doctor told her that it’ll be a tough stage and there will come a time where all she will want is to lay in bed and just rest for the whole day because her body will receive a lot after therapy sessions.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” TOP asked when they’re about to sleep already.

“I am…don’t worry about me” she answered and hugged her husband.

“You look beautiful” TOP said and Railey already knows what he wants in just one look.

TOP didn’t waste more time. He crawled on top of his wife and gave her a deep kiss. Soon, they are