December 20

But there was still something missing. Something that nagged at her- an emptiness she couldn’t explain. There were mornings she woke with her heart pounding wildly and the sensation of arms wrapped around her. But the feeling that slipped away the moment she opened her eyes and no matter how quickly she squeezed them shut, she couldn’t recapture the contentment she’d felt.

It’s been weeks since we left Korea and I’m still in that stage where all I want is to be with Jiyong. I’m with my girls, Omma, Dami-unnie and my kids, but a big part of my heart is missing and I’m about to go insane already. Seriously, this is the first time that I’ve missed Jiyong this much and even if we’ve been apart for so many times before already, what I’m feeling now is more intense. I don’t know, maybe I’m just too emotional and I’ve got to blame my being pregnant for that.

Anyway, aside from missing my husband to the max, I’m enjoying New York at its max nowadays. Our house is livelier and my life isn’t boring anymore. I am still working (at home) and I’m taking things slowly. Alfie has done a good job for the magazine and I’m really impressed for he pushed boundaries and crossed limits just put things in their right places. Railey and Daryl are helping with all the organizing as well and I’m telling you, I have a feeling that they will ask President YG once they go back to Korea to transfer them here at the international branch of YGR (I’m really praying for this to happen).

“Gosh!” I said upon seeing myself in the mirror.

I look like a zombie and it’s all because of Jiyong. We talked over Skype last night up till this morning and our conversation ended when he started snoring in front of the computer (he fell asleep while I’m telling him a damn good story).

“MUM!” DK shocked me when she opened the bathroom door without even knocking.

“OH MY!” I almost jumped in shock.

“Sorry for shocking you mum” she said and went near me.

“What do you need baby girl?” I asked and she just stared at me for a good minute.

“Is there any problem baby girl?” I asked again and she snapped back to her senses.

“Mum…why do you look like you weren’t able to sleep well last night…your eyes are really puffy and your dark circles are so visible” she looked at me closely and it made me feel conscious all of a sudden.

Gosh! Even my seven year old can notice my lack of sleep and what’s worst is, I feel like I look so horrible in her eyes. I guess, this night talks is not going to work out well for me and Jiyong which only means that we have to revise our schedule again.

The boys are really working their asses off in Korea for they had their comeback already. Jiyong is so thrilled as well as the members and they keep on telling us that they are rehearsing day and night just to give their fans one hell of a show. It’s already given in the first place and we know how Big Bang works, once they get it on, they’ll rock in every away.

“Morning sis!” Railey greeted upon seeing me walk in the kitchen.

“And you’re the one cookin!” I said and slapped her .

“What the! If I’m not gonna cook…who will? And sis…I’m already sick of your pancakes…I want to eat something new” she said and I looked at what she’s cooking.

Slim is cooking an all American breakfast (toast, egg and bacon). In all fairness to Railey, her surgery is already coming near but she’s not even bugged by it at all. Just by thinking that one of my best friends is going to undergo a major surgery is already making me insane. I know that she needs it, but I still have fears.

“Are the kids already awake?” I asked while munching on some bacon.

“Well…DK and Tabitha are already playing….the boys except for Gabrielle is all awake as well” she answered and I sighed.

Well, my son is still in his mute mode and no matter how hard I try to talk him out of his act, he’s not even bending. I don’t know what to do with him anymore and I’m already considering Dami-unnie’s suggestion to bring him to a psychiatrist coz the way he acts is already alarming.

“I don’t know what to do with him anymore” I leaned on the counter beside Railey and sighed.

“Hey asses!” Daryl walked in the kitchen with a huge smile and bright aura.

“Hey sissy!” Railey greeted back and Daryl grabbed a bottle of milk in the fridge right away.

“What’s up?” Daryl asked and stood in front of me.

“Nothing…I’m thinking of my son and what to do with him” I answered and she shook her head.

“Wait a minute…why do you look like you’ve been punched on both eyes? Oh gosh sweet ! You’ve been talking with your husband all night again…I’m telling you…it’s not good for you and the baby’s health!” she told me and I nod in agreement.

“I know! That’s the reason why I’ll tell Jiyong to give time for me in the morning….right now…it’s just too impossible coz you know how busy the boys are” I told her and she sighed.

“Gosh! Our husbands are really occupied with work and I’m already itching to see Seunghyun… I didn’t even know that this is going to be this tough” Railey said and I nod in agreement.

Can you feel it? Can you feel our longing? Well, the girls and I, along with our children are missing the heads of our families already and it’s just so frustrating because we cannot go back to Korea by the end of the month anymore. Why? First reason is, Doctor Banks already told me that I cannot travel much because my blood pressure is once again going high and if I’ll push things to the limit, I might lose my baby or my family might lose me (of course, I don’t want either of those two to happen so I don’t have a choice but to listen to my doctor). Second reason is, Railey’s surgery will push through by the end of the week and it’ll fall on the same date as the boys’ concert (TOP is totally torn about this but he listened to Railey who said that he should just go with the concert). And in Daryl’s case, she doesn’t wanna leave me and Railey alone so she’s staying even if Taeyang is already losing his mind in Korea (he’s really missing his family and believe it or not, he even cried over the phone because he’s dying to see his wife and son already).

“Anyway…is Gabrielle still acting strange?” Daryl asked, almost eating half of the bacon on the plate already.

“Yes…he is...and I’m already worried about him…it’s been WEEKS! I actually thought that this issue will end in just a matter of days…but it’s the other way around” I answered and the girls looked at me in alarm.

“He’s not talking with Jiyong yet?” Railey asked and I shook my head.

“That’s quite a shock…I mean…all your kids are so close with their father and it’s not like they can hate him for a long time…not to mention….you told us that Jiyong didn’t even do anything to Gabrielle” Daryl said and I sighed.

“Yes…truth is…Jiyong rarely scolds Gabrielle coz he’s not that hard headed and he’s always obedient to him…and now…our son is hating him because of reasons we know not” I said.

I don’t know but up till now, Gabrielle is still hating on his father and whenever I ask him about his reasons, he will just stare at me. I know and I can feel that my son wants to tell me something but he just can’t voice it out. He looks like he’s been dying to spit out whatever is on his mind but there’s something holding him back (or it can be someone). This whole thing is already breaking my heart since my husband can’t do anything about it for now, while I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m shattered into pieces coz I’ve tried every way possible to make him speak but in the end, it’ll come down to nothing.

“Sis…I think…you really have to seek for help already…this can be really serious” Railey told me and I nod in agreement.

“Yeah….I’ll ask Dami-unnie to make an appointment for us later…by the way….are you going to your check up later?” I asked Railey.

“Yep! I have to…my doctor will lay out every aces on the table …..wanna come?” she asked and Daryl and I both nod.

And our morning started with a very chaotic breakfast. As usual, the kids are so busy fooling around with each other that they nearly knocked up three glasses of orange juice. Yuan and Karielle are running all over the place and the boys are slashing each other with swords. Well, this is our life for weeks now and even though it’s really crazy, we are enjoying it.  Actually, the girls and I cannot help but reminisce the days when we imagine ourselves as mothers before even meeting our husbands. The amazing part there is, we told each other that we want our kids to be the best of friends and to treat each other like siblings and that’s what’s happening now. Our children treats each other like real brothers and sisters, they are playmates and best friends.

“I want everybody to prepare for school already” I told my kids after breakfast.

“Alright mum!” DK said and pulled Tabitha to go with her.

Railey and my kids are going to one school together. We were able to talk to the school’s head and asked if they can still consider the three kids and they welcomed them with open arms.

“Where is Gabrielle?” I asked when I noticed that my son didn’t even eat breakfast yet.

“He’s in our room mum…we brought him some bacon and bread….he also said that he doesn’t want to go to school” Russelle answered and I can feel that he can also absorb his twins’ emotions.

“Go and prepare now baby boy…I’ll be the one talking to your brother” I ruffled his hair and gave out a smile.

The moment I entered the boys’ room, my mind is once again working at its best for I’m figuring out new ways on how to talk to my son. I feel like he’s turned into a new person and the Gabrielle that I know is not there anymore. It seems like he already died and someone took over his body.

“Baby boy” I climbed to his bed and he just covered himself with the duvet.

“Russelle told me that you don’t wanna go to school…why? Baby…you’ve been absent for a whole week now…your grades will definitely fall all the way down because of this” I said with tears in my eyes.

“I don’t want to go to school anymore” he said and turned his back at me.

“But baby” I said with a shaky voice.

“Leave me alone mum!” he said and I almost crushed into pieces.

“Alright” I said for I don’t want to push him anymore.

Is this really normal? I mean, he’s a guy and I know that little kids go through this stage