July 6

Relationships are mysterious. We doubt the positive qualities in others, seldom the negative. You will say to your partner: do you really love me? Are you sure you love me? You will ask this a dozen times and drive the person nuts. But you never ask: are you really mad at me? Are you sure you’re angry? When someone is angry, you don’t doubt it for a moment. Yet the reverse should be true. We should doubt the negative in life, and have faith in the positive.

How can I be so cool when I know that there are a lot of things to think about? How can I be so comfortable when I know that something is going on behind my back? Why can’t I be mad at him? Why do I still believe every little thing that he says? I love him, yes, but there are times when I need to step up to show him what I really feel.

I keep on waiting for Jiyong till six in the morning. I don’t know where I got the energy to stay awake that long, to think that I wasn’t able to sleep well the night before too, and this day have gotten the best of me. Oh well, maybe this is normal for I have a feeling that my husband is cheating on me and I will really crush him whole once I find out the truth.

“Hello?” Daryl answered with her I’m-freakin-pissed-it’s still-early tone.

“Sis” I said while biting my nails (I never nail bite in my entire life, I don’t know why I suddenly did that).

“mmm?”

“Is your husband there?” I asked.

Truth is, I tried contacting Jiyong last night but got no response at all. After that, I didn’t even bothered to call him for I want him to be the first to call me and say that he’s already on his way home or they are going somewhere and he cannot go home. But I didn’t receive even a message from him (it’s so not Jiyong).

“He is here…why?” she answered and I even heard Taeyang groaned when Daryl got out of bed.

“Sis…Jiyong didn’t come home…I’ve been awake all this time and up till now he’s not here” I told her, my voice shaking.

“What?” she asked in shock and I started sobbing.

“He didn’t come home last night sis” I repeated and she sighed.

“Have you tried calling him?” she asked.

“Yes…but I stopped …because I’m waiting for him to call me” I answered and I heard her footsteps and a door slamming.

“Darling…wake up! Youngbae!” Daryl said and I heard her husband groaned.

“What is it?” he muttered.

“Did you know why Jiyong didn’t come home last night?” she asked like a total investigator with her raspy morning voice.

“What?” Taeyang said and from the way he sounds, he is shocked as well.

At that point, I already have a feeling that even TOP doesn’t know his whereabouts. These two guys are my husband’s best buds when it comes to stupid things and I can feel that they are not covering him for if they are, Taeyang wouldn’t sound so shocked at all.

“Your bestfriend didn’t come home last night…and my bestfriend waited for him and didn’t even receive even one message” Daryl told her husband with a pissed tone.

“I’ll try calling him” Taeyang said.

“NO! Sis! Tell him no!” I snapped.

“No! Don’t call him” Daryl said and I sighed.

“What time are we needed at the office?” I asked while controlling my tears.

“Sis…it’s our rest day remember?” she answered.

Yesterday, President YG gathered the whole magazine team and told us that we can all have this day off since we are working like crazy for so many weeks already (it’s his first time to announce a day off for the whole team). I was so excited the moment I heard that coz that only means, I can spend this whole day with my kids and Jiyong (he doesn’t have any schedules today as well).

“Ah…yes…I forgot about that” I said and she sighed.

“Do you want me to go there?” she asked and I shook my head.

“No…I’m fine...sorry for disturbing your sleep…go back to bed now” I told her.

“Sis…I know that you are not fine…Youngbae and I will go there if you want…we’ll watch over the kids first while you’re getting some sleep” she said and I was so moved with her care and kindness.

“No need sis…I have a nanny here to look after them…thank you…so much” I said, almost on the verge of crying.

“Jiyong will get it from me later…don’t worry” she said and I chuckled.

“He will get it from me later too” I said and she laughed.

“As if!” she said and I sighed.

This is one of my problems. I cannot even go mad at my husband even if he’s being a already. I can’t even understand why I’m like this. No matter how big Jiyong’s mistake was, I’ll end up understanding him and next thing I know it, I have brushed it off my mind already.

The clock strikes seven and there’s still no Kwon Jiyong. I’ve tried sleeping but all I do is stare at the ceiling and pray that he’s just somewhere with a friend (male friend) or he got so absorbed in making music that he and Teddy spent the night in the studio like what they usually do. I’m trying to be positive and I’m brushing the thought that there is a possibility of him being with that sushi waitress and her son, coz if that’s the case, Jiyong might as well forget about us (I’m serious this time).

“I cannot take this anymore!” I shouted and threw my phone on the floor (it crushed the moment it hit the ground and I kinda regret throwing it).

All I want to do is go to my office and drown myself with work. I have to get my attention shifted to something worth my time. Nothing will happen to me if I’m just going to sit here and wait for my stupid husband to come home.

And with that, I get my out of bed and hit the bath. I comforted myself with a hot lavender bath and it somehow helped me clear my mind (well, it’s not that clear). After that, I hit my closet and chose an outfit that says my mood as of the moment. I chose a black mesh dress for I’m totally in the dark right now coz I’m trying to figure out what’s really going on.

The moment I came out of our room, the seven kids are all in the living room, watching cartoons while sharing a big jar of chocolate chip cookies (it really is a good sight seeing them so quiet and behaved).

“Mum!” DK called when she saw me standing beside the couch.

“Hey babies! Good Morning!” I greeted, trying to sound cheerful.

“Where are you going mum?” Isabella asked and offered me some cookies.

“I’ll go to the office for a while” I answered and she sighed.

“Who will be left with us mum? Is dad still sleeping?” Gabby asked and went to our room and found it empty.

I’m so stupid! How can I leave when I know that no one will be left to watch over my kids? (yeah, I lied to Daryl when I told her that I’ve got a nanny to watch over them).

“Where is dad?” she asked and I shrugged.

“I don’t know” I answered coldly and my girls looked at me weirdly.

“Mum…can we go to Halmeoni and Harabeoji’s house today?” DK asked and I stared at her.

“OK” I said and sighed “I’ll drop you there before I go to the office….I need you guys to prepare and get changed quickly…twenty minutes…is that enough already?” I asked while looking at Isabella who is the slowest person that I know.

“Yes!” Gabby and Dk said in excitement.

I scooped Karielle up and bring her to the bathroom. My outfit will be ruined but I don’t have a choice for my daughter has to be cleaned for her to look nice in front of her grandparents.

“Mum?” Isabella called while I’m dressing Karielle up.

“mmm?”

“Are you and dad having a problem?” she asked and I looked at her weirdly.

“Huh? What made you say that?” I asked curiously.

I don’t know if I’m just too obvious that I’m being burdened and bugged by something or it’s just my daughter k