It’s been weeks since you had had a normal conversation with him and it was starting to tare you apart on the inside. You had tried everything in your power to make things better, but no matter what you did you couldn’t seem to get through to him. Your heart told you to scream at him, to yell at him and tell him exactly how bad he was treating you, how badly he was hurting you. It got worse every single minute, like there was a time bomb inside of your chest that could explode any time and you had no idea how to stop it. A layer of ice was slowly setting around your veins, making your blood freeze until there was no more way left to warm it up. You were tired of this, you were exhausted but still you couldn’t find the strength to end it. With glassy eyes you stared ahead of yourself, trying to remember the last time he had asked you how you were doing, how your day had been. Your fingers curled around around the counter top as you tried to recall the last time he had wrapped his arms around you in a forceful hug, the last time he had told you he loved you. Some might wonder if his fame had finally gotten to him, if he was finally tired of you and had thrown you to the side. Though people could say whatever they wanted, but you knew that wasn’t it. If he wouldn’t want you anymore he would have broken up with you by now, he wasn’t the guy to keep a relationship going just so that he didn’t have to be alone.

Sometimes you looked at him, searching for the guy you once knew, the boy you fell madly in love with and you only found someone who was lost, trying to hide from a pain you couldn’t seem to understand. Sometimes you tried to talk to him and he looked at you as if he wouldn’t want to do anything more than tell you everything that was on his mind, but something always stopped him before he could. Your heart felt like it was broken to shards, seeing the guy you loved hurt like that, but you couldn’t do the smallest thing to help him. You felt foolish and dull, thinking about ways to make him feel better, knowing they wouldn’t work. Slowly you blinked your eyes, bringing you back to reality, because no matter how hard you tried to escape it, it always returns. When your fingers finally let go of the counter, they were as white as a piece of paper and you stretched your cramped hands. If only gluing your heart back together was this easy. The text your friend had sent you earlier today wandered through your mind and you pinned your teeth down on your bottom lip as you thought about her words. ‘Is this worth it? You’ve been miserable for weeks, he’s been miserable for weeks. Is it really worth it?’ It’s a question that has been taking in every free space inside of your brain ever since she had asked it. Was it really worth it? Baekhyun would be at work during the day and when he was home at night he wanted to do nothing more than sleep, avoid the world, be surrounded by darkness. You couldn’t get through to him, you couldn’t talk to him, you couldn’t touch him.

How was this ever going to work? You eyed the dark living room, thinking back of the moments when you had used to be laughing on that couch, with you laying on top of him. The times his beautiful and endearing eyes had shined so bright they had seemed to burn up your universe. Now there was nothing left of that burning flame, it was as if it had slowly died out inside of him. You missed the boyish grins he always shot you when he teased you, the way his hands couldn’t seem to stop touching your hair, how his nose always searched for your smell. You longed back to the times he secretly sneaked into the shower with you, that he admired you from his side of the bed, that he called you at random moments of the day just to hear your voice. You wanted to feel how his hands rubbed down your body, drinking down every inch of you, wanted to hear his raspy voice inside of your ear, longing for you, wanted to see his red cheeks as he bit his lip to keep himself from going crazy. You had loved him for such a long time and he had always stayed true to himself, he had never changed for anyone, you wondered what had gotten to him that he had become this version of himself. There was nothing you wanted to do more than save your relationship with him, the love between the two of you which was so pure. 

With wobbly feet you made your way towards the space where the TV was playing, lighting up the room and letting voices you didn’t know fill your ears. At this time it was better than the silence you had gotten so used to, that made your heart bend in loneliness. This apartment, you had shared it for years now, but it has never looked so strange and untouched. But as you looked at the photographs hugging the walls, you wondered who those people were, smiling as if their lives were more than perfect. You were just about to sit down when a loud crash resounded through the room, making all the muscles inside of your body clench in the reaction of fear. You could smell your own anxiety as your eyes turned round and big, staring at the big object that lay on the wooden floor. Your mouth went dry as you scanned the room, inspecting the damage that had been done. A big hole was letting in the cold wind that came from outside, the window broken and laying in pieces at your bare feet. Unprepared for this matter your skin got covered with goosebumps, making you shiver as you shuffled closer. The paper attached to the rock had asked for your attention the moment it came flying in and you couldn’t stop your curiosity from taking over. With trembling fingers you picked up the stone, which was cold and sharp, scratching into your palms as you red the massage in red. ‘’. Pure shock traveled through you as you took a few steps back, dropping on your bottom when the sharp sting of glass crashed onto you. The stone dropped from your hold and rolled away, creating some room between you and the terrible accusation that wasn’t even true.

You quivered and looked down onto your feet, seeing the small scratches that got formed because of your careless act. The apartment was a mess, coldness was leaking through the hole in the window, the word on the rock was laughing straight into your face. You were to numb to sense what was going on, where all of this was coming from, why you had never noticed before. People had never called you anything before, had always left you alone, what had changed? Tears stung in the corners of your eyes, feeling hurt and upset by the events that just took place while you didn’t feel like you had deserved it. You weren’t sure if you imagined the laughing outside on the porch or if those persons who had done this to you were actually enjoying your defeat. Anger boiled inside of you, but disappeared again so fast that the only thing you could do was cry out of misery. Nobody had the right to hurt you like that,