It had been weeks since you had lastly spoken to him, and it was killing you inside. Every single nerve in your body was longing for him but you refused to give into it. In the end you wouldn’t get anything good out of it anyway, the only thing you would be left with would be heartbreak and misery. You had seen it before, with one of your friends, you had been there to comfort her but she had been inconsolable. If you would keep going like this then you would end up just like her, it was all just a matter of time and you weren’t planning to sit around and wait for it to come. No, you refused to make the same mistakes she had made and you strongly believed that in the end things would become better. But at this very moment, nothing seemed better about it at all. You had tried everything, books, movies and all kinds of food like chocolate and ice cream, but nothing helped. The only thing you could do was sit here and wait for your stupid heart to stop fluttering each time you heard his name, when he would show up out of nowhere and would smiled at you, ask you how your day had been. 

The worst thing was probably that he was indeed this sweet and nice to you, he was a perfect gentleman and very kind, just like he was to everyone else. He didn’t treat you any different from the way he treated others, he didn’t seem to look at you any differently, he talked to you in the exact same way. Sometimes you wished it would different, not that you wanted him to be mean to you, that was not it, but you wished that there was something, even if it was just something small, that he would give to you and not to others. It had become a habit to avoid him by now, to make sure not to run into him and if you did to make sure that you had somewhere else to be so that you couldn’t talk to him. He always seemed so understanding, not even asking you where you had to be if you gave him that excuse over and over again. Because that was just how he was, though sometimes you wished he was interested in where you were going, that he would ask you if something was wrong, if you would stay. But that never happened and you were convinced that it wouldn’t. Maybe he hadn’t figured it out yet, that you were trying your hardest to stay away from him, though other people around you did seem to notice. 

“I think that maybe we should do this some more often, I really had a great time.” George said as he looked up at you, his eyes pointing straight at you and trying to capture yours. But there was something about him that always caused that you couldn’t really look at him. Of course you could focus your eyes on him and you could watch him, but it wasn’t like you really saw him, it was as if something was missing. You did your hardest in order to ignore the feeling, telling yourself it was all just in your head, that it was your imagination. Your body was trying to tell you that what you were doing was wrong, that you couldn’t make yourself feel something that wasn’t really there. But you also couldn’t force the feelings that were there to fade just like that, you just weren’t strong enough for that. But one way or another you had managed yourself to get through another day without his beautiful voice, with the feeling of missing him lingering inside of you. You knew that sooner or later it was going to drown you, pull you under and that the water would burn inside of your longs while suffocating you. But you also knew that there was going to come a day when the pain would get less, bearable and that it would all become easier. You still didn’t know when that day would be, but it would come. 

Softly you forced the corners of your mouth to curl upwards and the smile glued onto your face, but it felt so fake. It felt unfair that you were doing this, but you just didn’t know what else to do. “Yes, maybe.” You knew that this wasn’t the answer he had wanted to hear from you, bur for now it was the only reply you could give him. It wasn’t the same, it wasn’t what you wanted and that almost made it impossible for you to give your all in this. He was a nice guy, very friendly and he was really trying his best, you could tell. But you wished that you were here with someone else, that there would be another friendly face sitting in front of you, but you could only dream of that. This had seemed like a great idea, to find yourself some distraction so that you could put him out of your head, but it only made you think of him even more, long for him even harder. It wasn’t making things any easier, instead it only seemed to be doing the opposite. The glasses of wine you had consumed were making your feelings even stronger, but unlike other times it didn’t make you feel pleasant. “I think maybe we should call it a day.” You muttered, smiling at the boy in front of you and grabbing your bag. You didn’t care if you had to pay the bill, that would be your punishment for making this up and thinking that it could actually work. “Okay, I’ll drive you home.” He said as you began to take some money out of your wallet and put it down on the table, you didn’t care about the change, the money didn’t seem to have a big value right now. 

“No thank you.” With that said you pushed back your chair and stood up. George seemed completely overwhelmed by how the whole situation had turned out, you would see inside of his eyes that he was wondering what had happened, how things had been able to change so quickly. He had probably assumed that you were into him, because you had been laughing with his jokes all night, because you had listened to his stories, because for a moment it had seemed that you had actually liked him, even if it had been for only a second. And there had be a moment that you had thought that too, but then you got reminded of the fact that was impossible, that your heart already belonged to someone else. You threw him one last smile, knowing that this would be the last time you were ever going to see him, you would never try to contact him again and you were sure that he wouldn’t either. Then you turned around, feeling his eyes burning into your back as you made your way through the restaurant, leaving the soft candlelight and the lovely smell of food behind you. As soon as you opened the door and stepped into the night a soft breeze blew over