For the second time that day you kneeled down in front of the toilet and threw up. You felt miserable, a side effect of chemo, a side effect of cancer. You hadn’t even heard the door open so when you felt a hand on your back and felt fingers grip your hair, your body tensed at the touch. It was the first time you had gotten chemo since they had told you the news, so your hair hadn’t fallen out just yet. While you threw up Baekhyun rubbed circles on your back gently and made sure there was no hair hanging in front of your face. Truly, you didn’t want him to see any of this. But no matter how hard you’d try to make him leave, he never would. It wouldn’t matter how many times you’d still lean over this toilet today, you knew he’d be sitting beside you each time. He hushed you softly, speaking sweet words inside of your ear. When you were done you sat down on the floor and closed your eyes, you were so tired of this and it had just started. 

“I’ll grab you some water to rinse your mouth.” He said and stood up to get a glass. You watched him carefully and looked into his eyes when he came back to you. You looked for the look inside of them that people always gave you when you told them that you had cancer, the pity. But inside of them you only saw that warm, carrying, worried, lovingly spark that always were inside of them if something was wrong with you. Baekhyun was a special guy, he didn’t pity you, he believed you were strong enough to get yourself through it, he believed in you more than you believed in yourself. “Here you go sweetie.” He handed you the glass before sitting down with you again and pulled your back against his chest, not caring that the two of you were sitting on the floor. You drunk the water he gave you in silence. You felt his heart beat against your back and his breath in your hair, it made you feel peaceful. 

“What are you thinking of?” He asked as he your hair behind your ear and pressed a cute peck on your temple. He was always so curious about what was going on in your mind. You put down the glass and turned around so you could look him in the eye. When he saw your expression his eyes darkened and he turned serious in no time. “Baby…” He started and was about to give you a lecture, but you were faster than him. “I know, but I just don’t want to do this, I don’t think I can…” There were always days like these, he knew that. Days that you wanted to give up, that you wanted to leave it all behind and just stop fighting. He had never let you before so you were sure he wouldn’t let you this time. “That’s why I’m here, to tell you that you can.” He said, his voice firm and confident as he squeezed your hand hard, trying to make the massage clear to you. You smiled at him and nodded, though not completely convinced. 

It seemed like he could see that, but he didn’t say anything as he helped you get up from the floor and walked you back towards the bedroom. He placed you down on the bed and laid down beside you, facing you. You looked into his eyes and he seemed to be thinking about something really hard. It stayed quiet for a little longer until he grabbed your hand and laced your fingers with his and brushed them against his lips. “You could’ve run though, I gave you the chance to run.” You said and he shook his head with a sad smile. You were still convinced he should’ve taken that chance that day, because now you wouldn’t be able to let him go anymore. “__________-ah listen to me, I’m your boyfriend. Do you know what that means?” He asked it as if you weren’t supposed to have a clue, so you played his game and shook your head, curious about what he was about to tell you. 

“It means that when you’re weak, I’ll be strong. When you feel like letting go, then I swear that I’ll hold on for you. That if y