“I’ll give the two of you some time alone.” He stood up from behind his desk, his chair shoving across the floor was the only sound that was audible inside of the room. His footsteps resounded against the walls as you and Baekhyun sat beside each other, frozen. You didn’t even hear the door close as your heartbeat began to raise, it was the only thing you were still able to hear. It seemed as if you were having a panic attack, but as if it wasn’t able to be seen at the outside of your body as you sat as still as possible. When he was sure he was gone Baekhyun turned towards you, his face was pale but his eyes showed you his big concern about you. “Baby…” He mumbled softly as he placed one of his hands on your knees and seemed to wake you up from your trance. You looked up at him and as soon as you saw the look inside of his eyes something broke inside of you. 

A loud sob broke free out of your throat as tears clouded your view. “Oh god _________-ah.” Baekhyun muttered as he got off his chair, crouched down in front of you and wrapped his two strong arms around you. You leaned into him and for the first time in a long while you let it all out. The cries that came out of your mouth were filled with anger, pain and anxiety and the tears flowed so fast you knew you were drenching Baekhyun’s shirt. His hand slipped up and down your back comfortably as his other hand pressed against the back of your neck to press your head closer against his shoulder. That was how the two of you sat there for a moment, he just soothed you in your ear as you let out all your crept up feelings. It took you a long time to calm down but when your sobs turned into hiccups Baekhyun leaned away from you to get a better look at you. You should be looking horrible at the moment, but he didn’t seem to care as he whipped away your tears with the sleeves of his sweater. 

“We’ll get through it.” He said with a supportive smile but what he said made your heart shiver. You shook your head and felt the anger start to boil inside of you. You weren’t angry at him, or at yourself, you were angry at the world because it was so damn unfair. “But I don’t want to!” You yelled loud and stood up from your chair, making him back up quickly so you wouldn’t bump into him. You walked back and forward through the small office and tried to understand what had just happened, what you had just been told. It was so hard for you to apprehend it all and to give it a place. “I know it’s hard baby but…” Before he could finish what he was about to say you gave him a harsh look and he immediately shut up. “You know?! What do you know exactly Beak? Because I’m the one who will have to get chemo. I’m the one who won’t be able to keep her food in and who will be throwing up whole days long. I’m the one who will loose my hair. I’m the one who will have to go through all of this , again!” 

“And what for?! What did I do so terribly wrong in my life that I deserve all of this?” Your voice softened with every word you said, you just couldn’t find the power to scream anymore. You knew Baekhyun was only trying to support you, that he tried to be there for you and that you had no right to yell at him like that. But what else could you do? There was nothing you could do? You felt weak and powerless, as if you were giving in to your disease once again, as if you were already letting it win before the battle had begun. “It’s just so unfair.” You whispered with a broken voice and your boyfriend looked at you with tears stinging in his eyes. He didn’t want to see you in pain, he didn’t want this for you, but he felt useless because there was nothing for him that he could do. “I’m sorry…” You mumbled, feeling guilty because you had let it all out on him. He would suffer under this as well, just like he did last time. He shook his head, telling you that you didn’t have to apologize for anything. 

The last time you had had cancer, the first time as well, he had been by your side all the time. He had been there every time you had to get chemo, had been there for you when you had a bad day,