He was sitting in the waiting room, where he had as well spend the past four hours. It was the middle of the night and normal people who didn’t have anything on their minds were sleeping right now, but Baekhyun wasn’t one of those people. It wasn’t like he had a million things to think about, it wasn’t like his mind was filled with thousand thoughts. The only thing he could think about was you and the rest all seemed to fade away. He wasn’t hungry even though he hadn’t eaten anything since last noon, he wasn’t sleepy even though it was five AM and he hadn’t slept at all this night, he didn’t need anything. The only thing that could bring him peace right now was if he’d finally have you in his arms again, alive, so he could finally tell you how sorry he was. The guilt had been eating him alive for the past couple of hours, your words making him dizzy inside of his head. ‘If I get into an accident then it’s your fault.’ That small sentence played over and over again, making him feel as if he was going crazy. 

Of course he should have asked someone to come over and sit with him, one of s, his brother who was as well close to you, or his family who saw you as their own daughter, but the only thing he wanted right now was to be alone. He had to be able to think straight, though nothing seemed to make sense rat the moment. It was as if his body was numb and his brain wasn’t receiving any active incentives. The people who were rushing around in the halls, ill people who were trying to get the doctors to explain them what was wrong with them, people who were crying or screaming, to him it seemed as if they were all a part of the background, as if they were here but they didn’t exist. The only thing he could see in front of his eyes was your face when he had said those horrible words to you the other night, how they had cut through you like knives. Thinking back on that moment he couldn’t even believe he had ever said, even thought about those kind of words. He couldn’t even remember why he had been so mean to you in the first place, you hadn’t deserved it. 

But he had been stubborn and when you had started to pick a fight with him he hadn’t wanted to loose from you. He hadn’t wanted to seem the one who had been wrong, though he knew he had been. He shouldn’t have treated you like that, he shouldn’t have acted like that towards you, he hadn’t had any reason to. The thing was that he had been so stressed out on his work, everyone was asking something from him, was expecting so many things from him, and he had all worked it out on you. Looking back on that, of course he knew it had been the wrong thing to do, god it had been so wrong. If he could only turn back time he never would’ve giving you a reason to run out of the house in the first place. He never would’ve raised his voice at you, he never would’ve screamed at you and he surely would’ve have picked out those horrible words to say. He wondered what had been going through your mind at the moment of the accident. Would you have been thinking of him, of how stupid this whole situation was. Or would you have been thinking of how much you hated him and how badly you wanted it all to be over. 

A man in a white coat came to him and he raised from his plastic and uncomfortable chair, together with your family members, who had also been called with the information that you had been in a terrible car accident and that your situation had been critical. At the moment he had arrived at the hospital you had already had two surgeries and he knew that there would probably be more to come. He had no idea how bad the damage was but it sure couldn’t be good. Those thoughts made his stomach flip and turn, making him feel sick as if he had to throw up. He didn’t even want to think of what to do when you were gone, he wouldn’t accept that. If you had died because he had said those cruel things to you, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself anymore, h’d never forgive himself for doing that to you. Of course he had never meant to say that to you, he never regretted meeting nor dating you, he loved you a lot. But at that moment it had been the easiest to say, though he knew he should have kept his mouth shut and he should’ve just explained what had been wrong instead of taking it out on you. 

“Are you the relatives of miss ___________?” The man asked and Baekhyun’s stomach seemed to drop. He hung his head as he took a step backwards, understanding this information was only meant for the family. Though when he was jerked back forward by the arm and looked up into the eyes of your brother who nodded firmly at the doctor. “Yes sur, we’re all her family.” He said, giving Baekhyun a friendly pat on his shoulder. At that point he felt as if he could burst into tears, but he held it in as he nodded and stood with your parents and brother to listen to what they had to say about you. “Good. As you all know miss __________ has been part of a terrible car accident. She was hit by a drunk driver but we also know that she was calling while driving.” Beside him your parents began to shake their heads a little disappointed, but didn’t say anything. Baekhyun didn’t budge, eager to hear what else the man had to say. He was that close to finding out what was wrong with you and if you were okay that he would do anything to get to know it. 

“The situation of your daughter seemed extremely bad at first, she had several internal bleedings, has three broken ribs, one that caused a pneumothorax. Here wrist is broken and she slipped in and out awareness all the time because of a concussion of the brain. Though with a lot of pain medication we’ve been able to stabilize her so at the moment it seems like the worst part is over, though the next 24 hours will be critical and she’ll need to be followed up very precisely.” The bad feeling inside of him had only become worse each time the doctor had mentioned all your injuries, he didn’t even want to think about all the pain you had went through and you still had to go through before you’d be better again. But when he had finally told him that you would