Tears streamed down your face as you thought about everything you had just been told. There was so much information wandering around inside of your head and at this moment everything seemed just as important. You had no idea where you had to start, there were so many things that needed to be taken care of, so many things you had to do, but there was no time. There was no way you were going to be able to take care of all of this, you weren’t strong enough for it. You had made so many plans, you had had it all figured out and just like that everything seemed to have been for nothing. In only half an hour they had been able to turn your whole world upside down and now nothing would still be the same again. While trying to hold in your sobs you hugged your own arms tightly around your chest, hoping that you could push away this horrible feeling that was trying to take over you. It was clawing inside of your chest, searching for a way out of your body and it seemed like it was overflowing you. It seemed as if you were loosing all hope, as if all the strength had dripped out of you and as if you no longer had anything to hold onto. This pain, this sadness and this impotence was taking over you and you couldn’t do anything about it. 

They had told you to give it some time, that after a few days things would seem clearer and that you’d be able to make a wise decision, but you didn’t think that you would ever be able to do that. Right now at this moment it seemed as if you were never going to be able to do anything again, you didn’t feel strong enough for it. Footsteps resounded through the house and you quickly closed the map that laid on the table in front of you before bringing your hands up to your face and wiping away your tears. It was useless though, he would immediately notice that you had been crying. Your whole face was sticky and your nose was running and even though you couldn't see it you were sure that your eyes were read and swollen. There was no way he wasn’t going to notice the state you were in and you hated it that he had to see you like this. Today had been rough for both of you and you didn’t want him to suffer any more than he had to. This was your burden and you didn’t want to be the one who forced him to carry it with you. You wanted to let him think that you were strong enough to fight this, that you were sure that you could make it through this, but you weren’t. 

“Hey, I saw the lights were on so I came to check on you. Why aren’t you in bed?” He asked, concern dripping off of his voice as he stood behind you and put his hands on your shoulders. He was staying behind you on purpose, trying to give you the time you needed to readjust yourself to his presence. You enjoyed the warmth his hands seemed to cause on our skin, even through your shirt you were still able to feel that. “I couldn’t sleep.” You whispered, but your voice was thick and hoarse, making it impossible for you to hide that something was wrong. It was true though, after laying in bed for at least two hours and staring at the ceiling you had just stood up. You hadn’t wanted to wake him because he had been fast asleep, it had been a hard day for him as well and he needed his rest. Your thoughts were driving you crazy and you had come here in the hope that you’d be able to take care of a few more things, but you had only become even more emotional. Seeing all these things, how happy you had been only hours before, how everything had seemed to be perfect, it made you feel horrible. Because now everything had fallen apart, it was broken into thousands of pieces and there was no glue that could still fix it. 

A soft squeak next to you told you that he had woken up from his dazed state and you quickly hid your face behind your hair in the hope that he wouldn’t see how upset you were. Though you knew that there was no way you were able to do that, even if he couldn’t see you then he’d be able to realize how you felt. “__________ look at me please.” His voice was only a whisper, telling you that he was