First of all, I just wanted to let you all know that my laptop broke. I know and I am not asking for a laptop from ya'll...lol... Please bear with me, I just stole my friend's laptop for now. It's thank giving tomorrow I might gonna bump into a shining window with a laptop displayed on with a tag say take me now!. I'm mumbling now.

Anyway, because I missed you all I am here to update. It's kinda boring chapter but its like somehow, somewhat the center of this story..whaha.. Okay, I'll stop before you all gonna think I'm crazy. I'm happy tonight.. Well, enjoy fellas and happy thanksgiving everyone.

Jessica’s POV.

I vented my agony to my best friend since I told her everything, well not everything coz I didn’t told her about Yuri’s selfish act couple of month ago,forcing me to be with her, which looking at her now I guess she’s just playing around again. I remember the first time she confide her feeling to me like it was just.....NOTHING and clearly didn’t mean at all.

“Sica I love you. You’re my girlfriend now okay?” 

That’s what she said to me. It sounded like she was grilling her brain out just to came out with that sentence or she was planning it for years with that confession. That very simple sentence...Funny huh? NO! I deserve a better one. I am not rich that’s a fact but there’s also one big fact you all need to know, I got an Eiffel tower pride and I’m proud of it because of that pride keep me from being fooled. Keep me from being pathetic.

 I grew up with Yuri since my mom is her nanny, we did most of the things together. And didn’t notice how my stupid heart falls for her.  I loved her since I, honestly, I don’t know. At first I thought it was just a sisterly love but as days past by, the feeling I felt gone deeper and stronger. Every stupid actions she make will always bring smile to my face, my heart gone crazy and my mind was occupied by her. Every time we’re together, I can’t contain the happiness I felt. It’s crazy and scary at the same time.

 Hearing her confessed, I could have been the happiest girl right? Because the person I loved, love me back but the way she confess, can you take her seriously? NO! I know I love her but I am not that stupid and narrow minded to just accept her when I know she’s not serious and didn’t mean what she just confide. I still have my pride, just stressing that word. MY EIFFEL TOWER PRIDE!

After I dumped her, she went out and I, that time didn’t care at all, too busy cursing and rambling about her stupid confession. Night came and she’s still not home so my mom was so worried that she put me on task looking for that brat. Having the right resources, I called Taeyeon and she told me she’s with Yuri right now and they are in  a club. 

Ow...how happy I am knowing she’s in the club,FYI I’m being sarcastic. I went there and plan to drag her, skin her alive and twist her ears off. Walking inside the club like a boss, ignoring the hulks standing in front of me now.

“Move, I’m here to get Yuri.” I said and one of the hulks whispered to other then they finally let me in. Roaming around the club I finally found the brat I was looking for but after being in the perfect distance to see what she’s doing crashed my world. She was eating that ’s face up and I was there frozen at my spot. How it hurts looking her being that intimate with someone else.

I went home and lock myself up in my room. I was so devastated and cried my heart out that night. I wanted to hate her but my stupid heart yearns for her. I told myself that this will pass easily if I will stay away from her. I did but can’t help my eyes to look and check if she’s fine, and yes she is. In fact, very fine as she’s grinning widely talking to her friends and going out every night. I have to stay away from her for the sake of my sanity. And not to mention for my mothers sake too coz I don’t know what my mom would say if she’ll know about my stupidity. I have to bury this feelings no matter what happen. I started being cold to her, harsh and sometimes sadistic. Well, you can't blame me.

She stop wooing me and went back chasing me when she knew Donghae liked me. That time I’ve proved that I am like a toy to her. Like a brat,selfish toddler that doesn’t want to share her toy to anybody. With that, it added more reason for me to stay away from her and buried this feelings I have for her. Aside from the fact that its the right thing to do and plus I have to, to prevent myself of being fooled and played around with a rich spoiled stupid very ugly monkey. Being hurt over and over again isn’t what I wanted to feel my entire life. What happen in the club that night didn’t happen just once but multiple times that there are times I ask myself until when I can keep this up? My stupid heart still shouting her name then here she is now with a new girl..and it hurts to think she might be serious this time. She never flirt nor being so intimate with another girl in our school, just this time. Yoona is such a beautiful girl, but damn her...

“Jessie.” Tiffany shake my shoulder, pulling me back in the reality. The painful reality that I thought I was able to avoid. Yuri has someone else now and I can’t even find a word to describe how painful it is. I just wanna stop breathing just so the pain will go away too.

“ For the love of all the goddesses and to our God Jessie, you already have a so there’s no need for you to be one. Stop hiding Jessie, I think this is the right time to get up and show Yuri who really you are.”

I scoff and pull my self away from her. Tiffany press her temples, probably tired giving advises. FYI she’s been telling me that same sentence like a thousand times already but can I blame her? 

“I can’t. I don’t think I can. Tiff I need to be away from her for good..”

Then Tiffany mockingly chuckle.

“Yeah, isn’t thats the only issue you and Donghae always argue about? No matter how small the problem is you always end up going back to Yuri. Jessie wake up. You’ve been trying hard to get away from Yuri as far as you can, but you always end up going back to her. Cut this crap and be true to yourself.”

Tiffany angrily narrated, sternly eyeing me. I looked down, ashamed because what she just said is all true. I thought being with Donghae, I can forget about Yuri..but no..I’m still in love with Yuri even how hard I tried to deny it. I tried to push her away thinking I will be able to forget her if she will stay away from me but again, it didn’t work. One time, I tried to be bold and plan to give myself to Donghae but the more it gotten intense the more I feel disgusted with myself. So I stop him and told him with some stupid excuses which I know he didn’t wholeheartedly accepted but he still complied. Donghae is a great man but I can’t seem to push myself to love him. Looking at him, I can’t force myself to continue using him, so I ended our relationship. He was mad but again he tried to understand me. Just wanted to be clear, I didn’t told him the real reason, I just told him that I wanted to fix myself first and blahh...blaahh... I can’t hurt him again coz he doesn’t deserve it. He deserve the best and not like this. 

“Again, your is in between your legs, just an inch away from your groin. I think you don’t know where’s your that’s why you are acting like one. (Tiffany close her eyes and took a deep breath. She slowly open her eyes and control her language this time as she continue..) Jessie I don’t want to see you living in regret. Wondering a lot of IF. Friendly advice, tell Yuri what you really feel then after that, what ever happens, you will start from there. You have to get raid of that IF in your mind so you can think properly. Ignoring and hiding what you really feels for Yuri is clearly not working for you Jessie so stop.  Be brave this time and face the reality.”

Tiffany loudly exclaim, pulling me back again into the reality. I sniff and wipe my tears.

“You are right but how Tiff? She already have a girlfriend. Why would I force myself---"

“That happen because of you Jessie...if you won’t step up then I assure you, you will live your entire life in regret. It’s up to you, I just thought you’ve been naive enough. Yuri didn’t hurt you or put you in misery Jessie, YOU. You yourself put your own in agony. You are acting like you everything when infact  you didn't know a single thing." With that said, Tiffany left the me alone coz knowing her she might said more hurtful words and regret it later. Even though how stupid her choice of words she still make sense and that’s why I loved her.Well, I guess I need someone to knock my head off to clearly see things around me.

I clutch my chest while shaking my weary head. I’m tired, dead tired that I wanted to just stop breathing coz every time I breathe seems like a needle piercing into my chest. I feel in love with my best friend who only love me because she needs me. I am just her toy that if she got a new toy she will abandoned me in the corner and just play with me when she gets tired of her new toy. How can I get out from this painful world?"

I chanted and tiredly lean my head on my lap. “Where should I start? Or should I just let it be?" I softly ask and I heard a loud sigh from my side. Seems like Tiffany came back again. I’m so lucky to have her because she’s been with me since the beginning.

 I hang my head down and softly muttered, “Tiff, where should I start when I know she doesn’t have feeling for me in first place. If she’s happy now, who am I to ruin it? I love her that I am willing to put myself aside. I---"

“Jessie I know and totally understand. All I want you to do is to be true to your self so you can start a new one. I am not asking you to ruin whatever their relationship is, all I’m asking is for you to express your feelings once and for all. We are scared to be hurt and make a mistake but sometimes we decided to keep it because we don’t want to get hurt and unknowingly because of that we didn’t realize we put our self into much more pain. Jessie sorry but you’ve been coward all this time, you were blinded by a lot of IF, you assume things base on your judgment. You weren’t fair to Yuri and mostly to yourself.”

I lift my head and meet Tiffany’s worried eyes. A loud sigh escape from my shaking mouth and softly uttered, “I’ll talk to her.” 

Tiffany pull me into her arms while mumbling sweet thoughts and boosting my coward heart. After awhile, we finally need to go back to our class. Me and Yuri has two classes together.

Dragging my feet to our class room and sat down to our usual spot and look around. She’s still not here, where could she be? Then....

She appeared with her stupid charming grin with Yoona tailing her. I frown and eyed them. Yoona seems to be really annoyed looking at how knitted her brows are while glaring at Yuri who is still widely grinning. Ushering Yoona towards her seat, Yuri then tap and caress Yoona’s crown then lean forward. I look away, doesn’t want to witness those intimacy again..

I heard her mumble... “Good girl.”

I close my eyes. “Should I continue my plan of talking to her?” I thought then press my eyes.

“Yes you are.."

I  scoff at Tiffany’s statement and close my eyes again.

End of POV.

The whole class, Jessica tried hard not to glance at Yuri and Yoona whose b