I don’t know how I managed to end my speech because the moment I went down the stage, my whole being crushed and all I did was cry like a baby. I’ve realized that we really should just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts even if they don’t stay in our lives. Grandpa will not be here with us physically, but I know that he’ll be watching and guiding us wherever he is.

“Jiuong…bring her out first” Charles said.

“C’mon honey” Jiyong said and hold on to my hand tightly.

I’ve sworn to myself that I will not breakdown and cry most especially not in front of my dad and his siblings. But, I can’t help it. I’ve cried a pool of tears in front of them already and I’m so sure that my dad loves everything for he has always wanted to see me breakdown and show even a little bit of weakness.

“Honey…I know that you’re just pretending to be tough…cry more if you feel like it” Jiyong said and I smirked.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying like a child Jiyong…I’m stronger than this” I told him and he hugged me.

“Honestly…I don’t want to see you in this state…it’s breaking my heart but…Clarise…crying is normal…it’s our way of releasing sadness…you don’t have to bottle it up inside you…let it all out now so that you will not shed a tear later” he said.

And that’s what I did. I cried my heart out, sadness, sorrow and grief all rolled up to one. All Jiyong can do is rub my back and watch me. I know that this is hurting him and I feel sorry for him because he has to see me in my crappiest moment.

The ceremony ended and they brought Grandpa to his grave already. Jiyong is right, I did not shed anymore tears during that time. My mind just went blank while seeing Grandpa being buried to the ground.

“Nice to see you again Clarise!” Aunt Emily said after Grandpa’s burial.

“Long time no see Aunty!” I said and faked a smile.

“I’m surprised…I actually thought that you’ve forgotten this family already….why are you still here?” she asked in a very irritating way.

As I’ve expected, these people will bully me for the person who always protects me is already buried six feet under the ground. This family is really pathetic, I don’t even know why I’m still being kind to this woman.

“Well…I’m here to say my goodbyes to Grandpa…don’t worry Aunty…after this…you won’t see me anymore” I told her coolly.

“I can’t actually understand why dad loves you so much when you’re just a little worthless brat” she continued.

“Aunty! What are you talking about?” Carl asked in anger.

“I’m just telling the truth dear nephew…this girl doesn’t fit our family at all…look at her! She’s the only one who doesn’t have any plans for her life” she answered.

“I can smell some jealous here” Charles butted in and I looked at him and tell him to stop.

“And here’s my nephew who is confused about his uality…oh I forgot! You already know what you really are right? You’re gay! THE ONE AND ONLY gay in the family” she insulted and with that, I’ve already reached my boiling point.

“Jealousy can really make a person cheap…you know what Aunty? You’re just making yourself stupid…you’re well educated but I guess they’re not teaching about respect in school…look….we’re not even giving a damn on you and here you are wasting your precious time on us” I told her and she smirked.

“Are you getting mad already dear niece?” she asked and I just smiled t her.

“Aunty…it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world…sometimes…I feel like I’m seeing it all once and it’s too much…my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst…and then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it and it flows through me like rain and I can feel nothing but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life…if you didn’t get it…all I’m trying to say is…I don’t have to be mad at the people who don’t mean anything to me….you just proved that you’re more stupid than me…because you’re picking on someone who doesn’t even give a damn on you…you’re a bully but you’re the one who got bullied in the end” I said and she walked out looking defeated.

I don’t know why my family seems to be so angry at me. I don’t know what I did that made them hate me. Oh well, I don’t even care about them, all I know is that they are the people who are jealous because they weren’t  able to feel the love that Grandpa has given me.

“Do you want to go home now?” Jiyong asked.

“I’m so sorry honey” I said and he looked at me in confusion.

“Sorry for what?” he asked and I hugged him.

“For dragging you to my messy life…I feel bad because you have to see me like this…my world is more chaotic than yours and it’s definitely lonely…I hate making you sad Jiyong and I know that seeing all this now is hurting you…I’m sorry for that” I said and he cupped my face with both hands.

“Honey….I’ve seen you at your worst and I still think you’re the best…actually…you’re the one who taught me how to fight…yes…it’s hurting me every time your family is picking on you and I can’t do anything about it…but there’s a part of me who is confident that you’ll just be fine…why? Because I know that you will not let them step on you…you’ll fight till the end” he said and kissed my forehead.

“I love you so much Jiyong” I told him.

“I love you too Clarise” he replied and kissed me.

I don’t know what to do without Jiyong. He’s the one who is holding me up and not letting me fall and the most wonderful guy that this world has ever produced. Loving him is really not a mistake and fighting for him is worth it.

When we arrived at home, things got more intense because dad was there. The tension can be felt around the house and it really made everybody awkward.

“Why are you still here?” Dad asked upon seeing us.

“Dad…please…let’s hold our fires up first…I’m tired…I’m not in the mood to be rude to you” I told him and he hissed.

“And you have the guts to bring your stupid boyfriend here in my house” he said and I took a deep breath.

“For your information…this is not your house…it’s Grandpa’s so don’t act like it’s yours” I said and Jiyong grabbed my arm telling me to not answer anymore.

“I want the two of you out of my house…NOW!” Dad said angrily and I chuckled.

“Fine! We will leave just for your mouth to shut up” I said and he was about to slap me but didn’t do it.

Actually, I don’t wanna leave. I was thinking of Carol while packing my things, my baby sister will surely be alone again.

“Clarise…Jiyong” Nana called.

“Come in Nana” I said and she entered my room.

“I just want to tell you that I’ll be leaving this house as well” she said and I looked at her in surprise.

“Why? Nana…please…don’t leave…this has been your home for almost half of your life…Grandpa will really be angry if you leave” I told her and she started crying.

“Baby girl…you know so well that I’m just staying here because of your Grandpa…and now that he’s gone…I think…I don’t have a place in this house anymore…your dad and I are not in good terms for he thinks that I’m on your side…he will just fire me in the end” she said and I sighed.

“But…what about Carol? You’re all she has…who will take care of her?” I asked and she shrugged.

“Nana…I know that living in this house will never be the same again without Grandpa…but please…stay here for me and Carol…the twins will not let you go as well…don’t worry…I’ve got your back…if dad fires you…he’ll get it from me…just stay here” I begged and she hugged me.

It’s a good thing that Nana changed her mind. Now I know what a real douche bag my father is. He will surely rule this household and I’m just so thankful that I’m already out of here. Now all I want to do is protect Carol from his manipulation for I don’t want my sister to experience my dad’s puppetry.

“Are you sure you can drive?” Charles asked while loading our luggage in the car.

“I am…don’t worry” I told him and he sighed.