Waking up every morning is becoming harder and harder for me every day. It’s been weeks since Clarise went home to save her Grandpa’s company and I’m missing her badly already. To tell you the truth, I’m starting to regret my decision of letting her go as days pass by. I know that we have told each other to just take things as it is and regrets don’t have a space in our lives, but now that regret is starting to eat my whole being, I don’t know what to do anymore. Nevertheless, I’ve realized that when the people we love are stolen from us, the thing we have to remember is to never stop loving them for buildings burn, people die, but true love lasts forever.

“Hyung….you’re zoning out again” Seungri told me.

“”Huh? Am I?”  I asked as I snapped back from reality.

“Hyung…I know that you’re going through so much right now and you’re totally playing it cool…all of us can feel how much you’re holding your true emotions…this is just sad to see” he said and I sighed.

My members, the YG family and even my own family is already worried coz according to them, I’m not showing any emotions on whatever is happening to me right now. I know that I am just pretending to be fine when truth is, I’m not. But, do I have to cry every second just to show what I really feel? After all, it doesn’t mean that even when you can’t see the tears it’s not there. I’m just it all up for this is the consequence that I have to take for making a stupid decision.

“Jiyong-ah! I have something for you” TOP hyung said while holding a pink box with a ribbon on it.

“What is this hyung?” I asked as he handed me the box.

In all fairness to the members, they never fail to cheer me up every day. Daesung even moved in, in my apartment just to keep me company and Seungri is envious of him and is also thinking of moving in.

“There’s a card…read it” he answered and I checked it.

OMO! It’s from Clarise. Am I dreaming? I can’t even believe that she was able to do this amidst all the restrictions.

Well, Clarise’s mom has updated me about her a couple of days ago and I’m not happy with everything that I’ve heard. She told me that my girl who is used to be so free is now being heavily guarded and is under a contract. I’m also aware about the Guichens five year marriage condition and it really made my whole being shake from anger. I guess her dad got us in his bait for the year or two that he promised is never true. The biggest thing there is, they even prohibited Clarise to talk to any of us here in Korea, it’s such a relief that Trish and Charles hyung are exceptions from that condition. I can already imagine the woman that I love being a prisoner in her own world.

“Oh! I’ll just watch this hyung” I said and TOP hyung nods.

The moment I played the CD and her face appeared on the screen, my tears began pooling up and as much as I try to hold it back, it won’t and I don’t care anymore if TOP hyung see me crying.

“HONEY! YOOHOO! How are ya? Well…I’m doing fine here it’s just that…things are kinda weird and a little sickening...I guess…I haven’t adjusted yet to my new environment….yeah…so…I’ve heard from Trish that you guys are so busy and that you’re gonna go around the world for your concert tour…I have one thing to say and that is….REST AND EAT PLEEEAASEE!” she said comically and I chuckled “One more thing…I left some notes on the fridge…have you seen it already? Well…they are reminders or better say love confessions that I made for you…honey…please take care of those notes for I’ve cracked my brain just for those words to come out…and yeah…the hundred things that you have to do while I’m away that is written on your lyric book is really important…you have to follow and do them…it’s for your own sake” she continued.

“Well…I’m gonna tour you around my newest pad here…I’ve decided not to live in our ancestral house for the monster is there and I just can’t take breathing the same air with him…so…here’s my pad…as you can see I don’t have a lot of things yet….Trish promised me that she’ll help pick out cool things and I’m totally depending on her right now…here’s my room….and this is my bed…honestly…I can’t sleep well here yet for I keep on looking for that familiar smell of yours but I’m trying to get by…oh gosh! I don’t wanna cry yet!” she said and started sniffing “I’m sorry for stealing your pillow honey…I swore to myself that I won’t wash this for as long as I’m here so I think by the time that I come home this won’t be white anymore but black…yeah…it’s gross” she joked and we laughed.

“Now that the tour’s done…here comes the serious side of things…Jiyong…we both know how hard this is for us and sacrificing is really stupid for we just put ourselves in too much torture…but I just want to tell you that I’ve got the company already…I’m declared as its President and we’ve succeeded…half of the debt was paid already and I’m just going to pay the Guichens and this will be done” she said with tears rolling down her cheeks “There’s not a single day that I don’t think of you honey….you’re the one who’s keeping me moving in this crazy world that I’m in right now…I keep on feeding my longing with videos of you and your music…but it’s not enough…I know that what I’m saying and acting right now is totally ridiculous for it will make you sad…but this is what I really feel and it’s better to be honest than not…right? One of these days I’ll be married already and my name as well as my marital status would change but this is what I can promise to you….even though I’ll be carrying a different last name…it doesn’t matter to me….in my mind and heart…I’ll forever and will always be a Kwon…I’m G-dragon or Jiyong’s girl for the rest of my entire ing life….I love you so much Jiyong…I can’t wait to hug you and kiss you…hey! No girls and hanky pankys…got me? Wait till I come back and I’ll give you wild nights everyday…just don’t look and taste other women…I trust you and I love you so much!” she finished and the screen went black.

This just made my day. Seeing her is like looking at myself for she’s totally pretending to be fine when I know so well that she’s not. It pains to see her smiling while tears are falling down. But then, I’m thankful that I got to see her and was able to have a peek on her life there.

“Jiyong…there’s nothing to worry about Clarise…she’s as strong as Xena” TO