“Clarise has amnesia”

These words keep on replaying in my head. I don’t know what happened, I don’t even know if I can still take this challenge. Clarise’s accident is really too much for me, I don’t know how I got through it and now, here comes another challenge, and it is the worst of all. I can pretty much handle her in a coma than with amnesia. I cannot believe that I’m now a stranger to her, no wonder she’s so cold and awkward to me awhile ago. My happiness has turned into sadness in just a snap and my brain is about to explode from all the what if’s and questions in it. What will happen to us now? What if this is the end of the fairytale that she has made? What will I do now to be able to gain her trust and love again? Will I be able to handle this? Am I ready for this?

Actually, I could just leave her for it is hard to continue with our relationship in this situation. But then, I can’t even imagine my life without her. She’s the only woman in this planet who was able to change me into a better person, the girl who showed me what real life is all about and the girl who can make me laugh and cry all at the same time. Everything about her is love and without that love, I cannot live.

I went out of her room after they told me that Clarise have amnesia. I just can’t take it, it’s like my whole life crushed and crumbled right in front of me. All I want now is to find a way for her to regain her memory and right now, I can’t think of any.

As I was having my alone time on the ground floor lobby of the hospital, I saw a red haired patient walking and I just stared at her. It’s Clarise and she seems to be looking for something or someone. What is she doing here? She should be in her room, resting.

“Clarise” I called her.

I don’t know, but I feel like she’s going to ignore me because I’m a stranger to her.

“OW!”

“Hi” I greeted and she stared at me for I don’t know how long.

I’ve realized that she’s still Clarise, the only things is, she doesn’t know who I was and the way she looks at me feels like she’s trying to remember me.

“Hi” she greeted back.

“uhmm…why are you here outside?” I asked and she gave me a shy smile.

“uhmm…I’m looking for you” she answered and from there, my heart skipped a beat.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because you walked out awhile ago” she answered like a kid.

“I’m sorry for that…I just….I’m….” I stuttered.

“No need to say sorry….I know that it’s hard to accept…because personally…I can’t accept is as well…it’s so hard for me” she said and all I want to do is hug her.

“Do you wanna sit there and talk?” I asked and she gave a little nod.

This is really new to me. We are so awkward to each other and we talk like we just met for the first time. Seeing her in this situation is painful, but I can’t do anything about it so I might as well take it as it is.

“Wear this….it’s cold here” I said and wrapped my jacket on her.

“Thanks” she said and stared at me again.

Her stares are becoming more and more intense and I’m just controlling myself not to kiss or hug her. I don’t want to give her a shock or something and I know that a kiss or a hug is too much for her, for now.

“So…how was Thailand?” she asked and I smiled at her before answering.

“It went well…the people are nice and we had a blast” I answered and she nods.

Silence embraced us after that, I don’t know what to say to her. I know that once I tell her about something, she wouldn’t be able to relate to it.

“Are you really fine now?” I asked her after a long silence.

“I am…it’s just that…I’m hating everything now” she said and I looked at her in shock and curiosity.

“Why is that?” I asked.

“I don’t want these scars on my face…I was a bit disappointed when I saw my hair dyed red…but it’s growing on me now so it’s just cool…I mean…I saw a member of your band rocking a blue hair and it looks good to me…so I think…red hair would be fun as well” she answered and I laughed.

“aahh…that’s TOP hyung…the guy with the blue hair” I told her.

“But most of all….I hate having amnesia…it’s just unfair…I lost a lot of memories that I feel important…I mean…all I know is that I’m living differently now and that I’ve changed a lot…but I want to know more…I really wished that it’s just my past memories that was lost…I really want to remember you and all the good things that you’ve done to me” she said and I sighed.

“Clarise…yes…it is hard…but there’s no need for you to hate everything…just count this as one of your challenges…that God gave this to you because he knows you can handle this…your memories are lost but mine is not…I can always tell you everything…ask me things and I’ll willingly answer them for you” I said and she smiled sweetly at me.

Because of that smile, I feel home again. I saw the Clarise that I know, I’ve realized that it’s just her memory of me that was lost, but she’s not and I have to be thankful for that.

“You’re right…but I know I will just be a burden to you” she said and I looked at her and smirked.

“You will never be a burden to me…always remember that” I told her and she chuckled.

“Actually…if you want to leave me…go! I will not stop you…I feel like I’ll not be able to give you the love that you’re used to having…and this memory lost will just cause a lot of problems for us” she said and I nearly lost my sanity there.

“No…don’t say that…you having amnesia is not a problem…I’m ready to deal with that…bu