So...Yeah. I'm re-uploading some chapters  because it was nowhere in sight when AFF came back up...I'll udapte a new chapter later this evening:) Mwah!

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It’s been a week since Clarise caught me in the club with Eun Ae, a week of tears, broken heart, boring days and longing. I long for the girl who made me feel that love can be forever and who taught me how to love life and how to live it. Thing is, I’m just so stupid to hurt her. It’s painful, it’s hard, I don’t even know how to pick myself up after this.

“Hyung…you just got home?” Daesung asked upon seeing me.

“Neh…I finished something in the studio” I answered as I took a seat on the couch.

I’m living with Daesung and Youngbae right now. I chose to stay away from Clarise these days, I have to give her space and time to think things through.

“Jiyong-ah…you have to rest too…you’ve been rehearsing day and night….writing in between…you have to pull yourself up…our concert will be three days from now…you can’t get sick” Youngbae told me and I chuckled.

“This is my way of releasing whatever I’m feeling right now” I said with a shaky voice.

I’m not really a cry baby. I don’t shed tears easily for I believe that crying will just do you nothing, but now, all I can do is cry and there are even times where I cry myself to sleep. Call me a sissy, a soft hearted dude, a weakling but I can’t help it. I’m a man who is broken and I’m praying so hard for this to be over.

“Hyung!” Seungri called the moment he walked in the apartment.

“What?” I asked.

“I saw two guys in front of Clarise’s apartment” he said and I looked at him intently.

“Mwo?” I asked.

“Two guys…actually…those guys have been coming for three consecutive days already….there was even a time when I saw them smoking outside of the building while talking with Trish and Clarise” he said and I feel like running to Clarise’s apartment.

I don’t know what to think right now. My mind is giving me all these thoughts and I can’t even organize it. What will I do now? Is she dating already? We’re not yet done because I didn’t even agree with her when she asked for her freedom.

“I need to ask Charles hyung about this” I said and the boys sighed.

“Jiyong….you will just hurt yourself” Youngbae speak out and I looked at him, confused.

“And why is that?” I asked.

“What will you do if Charles hyung tell you that Clarise is already dating and she’s trying to move on now?” he answered and I punched a pillow.

“Hyung…Youngbae hyung is right” Daesung said and I walked out.

Why? Why am I this stupid? If only I can bring back time, I will definitely change everything. I will not go to the club and just spend time with Clarise all night.

How can Clarise do this to me? If she really is dating already, that is just too fast. I mean, how can she find another guy in just a snap? Oh well, she’s a player after all. She knows how to get over a guy easily and how to find one in just a blink of an eye.

“OH! Jiyong-ah!” Charles hyung said in surprise.

“Good Morning hyung” I greeted.

“Come in” he said and opened the door widely.

I need to clear things in my mind, I don’t care if I’m going to get hurt with whatever Charles hyung will say.

“What can I do for you?” he asked and gave me a cup of coffee.

“I….I just want…to…ask…if….” I said nervously.

“Ask if what? Clarise is doing well?” he continued for me.

Truth is, it’s not the question that I wanted to ask but at the same time, I want to know if she’s fine or what.

“Neh” I answered and he sighed.

“Well…she’s trying to brush things off but I can really feel that she’s still in the dark side of things…you guys ended in just a snap and of course…it’s not easy to move on…but she’s trying….and I can see that she is eager to get out of misery” he said and I feel like I’m being crushed.

“Hyung…I don’t know what to do anymore…I’ve already explained my side for a thousand times already…but she’s not listening at all” I told him and he sighed.

“Jiyong…you know Clarise…she’s fine with everything but when it comes to you….she’s really sensitive…you are everything to her and knowing that you lied to her is really a big thing…even I got shocked when she told me that…I actually thought that she was just playing a prank on me or something…I know that you don’t have the intentions of hurting my sister…thing is…I can’t make her change her mind…Trish…Aunty…Me…even the boys have talked to her already…and she’s not even shaken” he said and my tears are welling up again.

“I really want us to go back to normal again hyung….I want to get her back…I’m dying to get her back…I know…I lied and I’m such a stupid jerk but…I really believe that I deserve another chance…we all know that this is just a hurdle it’s just that…she gave up easily…she closed herself already…and now…here I am…trying to fix everything” I said and breakdown.

I’m not afraid and ashamed to let people see my tears. I am hurting and my tears are my only companion as of now.

“I know that…my sister is really an when it comes to decisions…don’t worry…I can still feel that she will give you another chance…thing is…you have to wait for it…her head will cool down too” Charles hyung said with a smile.

“OH! Excuse me first Jiyong…someone’s calling me…I’ll just answer it” he said and I nod.

I have to ask Charles hyung now about that guy who is always visiting Clarise. I need to know who he is.

“Jiyong…I have to leave now…as in right now” Charles hyung said frantically and I looked at him in confusion.

“Are you OK hyung? Is there a problem?” I asked.

“It’s…uhmm…I’ll tell it to you later Jiyong…I have to go now…lock the door when you leave…OK? Bye!” he said and zoomed off.

What is happening? Why is he so frantic and worried and scared? I’ve never seen Charles hyung in that situation before.

And because of that, I wasn’t able to ask him about that mysterious guy. It’s really driving me nuts already. I need to find out who that man is or else, I will die because of curiosity.

“Oh hyung! Who are those guys?” Seungri asked and I shrugged.

“I thought you went to ask Charles hyung…what happened?” Youngbae asked.

“We talked but someone called him and we have to end our conversation because he’s in a rush to get out of his apartment….he’s acting weird” I told them and they looked at me in curiosity.

“Did he tell you why he’s acting like that?” Daesung asked and I shook my head.

“He told me that he’s going to tell me once he gets back….so I guess I just have to wait” I said and they nod.

I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I feel like I’m already dead, that I don’t have any reasons to live. I’m exaggerating but this is what I really feel, I can’t even fake a smile and my positivity is slowly fading.

“Jiyong oppa!” Eun Ae called out and I stopped walking.

“Yes?” I asked.

“uhmm…nothing…I just want to say hi to you” she answered and I nod.

“Oppa…I know that you’re still hurting with what happened last week…I’m sorry….I should’ve stayed away from you…I didn’t really mean to mess you and your girlfriend” she said and I sighed.

Truth is, I don’t know why I’m still cool with Eun Ae. I’m already avoiding her as a matter of fact but, she’s the one who is still feeling so close and it’s as if nothing happened. I don’t know if she’s just numb or she doesn’t really care about my feelings at all.

“Look…Eun Ae…I know that we are close and we are good friends…but…I don’t think…you talking to me is good…I mean…I don’t know….let’s just erase everything and pretend that we don’t know each other” I told her and she gave out a fake laugh.

“Oppa…are you joking? Why will I pretend that I don’t know you? OK…I know so well that I’m the reason why you and that girl broke up but…c’mon…there are still many fishes in the sea…she’s not the only one…there are more to choose from” she told me and I took a deep breath.

“Eun Ae…can you hear yourself? By the way…her name is Clarise…and I will never want to date another fish….I’ve got the best fish that….that sea can produce and in my eyes….she’s the only girl that fits me well” I told her.

I hate to be this rude. I can see that Eun Ae is hurting and she even confessed her feelings for me days ago but I just brushed it off and told her that I don’t want to talk about it again , that I just want to be friends with her, that the thing between us is already in the past. Why is she doing this? Why is she squeezing herself in my life?

“Seriously…we’ve known each other for so long now…we’re each other’s first love…and I think the saying is true…first love never dies…look….I’m sorry for leaving you oppa” she said and I sighed.

“I’ve already forgiven you for leaving me but I don’t think that saying applies to me….yes…you are my first love…but it ends there…my heart is beating another name…and it’s not you…it’s Clarise” I told her and she started crying.

“Oppa…she left you! How can you hold on? It only took her minutes to break up with you…if she really loves you….she wouldn’t even think of breaking up” she said and my heart is once again stabbed.

I’m actually asking that to myself as well. Why am I still holding on? Why can’t I just let things be? If she goes back, I’ll definitely welcome her again with open arms, and if she didn’t, I’ll let her go. But I want her to go back, I want her to e