“Honey!” I shouted the moment I opened the door.

Wait. Why are there nurses and doctors inside her room? What is happening to her? Why are they panicking? WHY?

“Jiyong!” Trish called out and ran towards me.

“What’s happening Trish? Tell me! What are they doing to her?” I asked in fear.

“She moved a finger already and even opened her eyes…and then…her heart rate went down…I don’t know what happened” she answered frantically.

I don’t know, but I feel so scared and nervous all of a sudden. The doctors looks like they  are really having a hard time and I’m afraid that once they stop whatever they’re doing, they will just declare that Clarise is already gone.

“Jiyong!”

“Hyung!”

“What’s happening?” TOP hyung asked and Trish hugged him.

“Hyung…Clarise...what will I do?” I asked Charles hyung who stood beside me.

“Jiyong…I don’t know what to do as well” he said and tears fall down my cheeks all of a sudden.

Am I going to lose her? Is this the end of the line for us? What will I do without her? Clarise is my life, my everything. I can’t even last a day without seeing her or talking to her.

Time seems to stop and all I can do is cry while waiting for the doctors to finish whatever they’re doing to Clarise.

“Mr. Kwon” the doctor called.

“How is she? What happened?” I asked.

“Well…her heart rate went down awhile ago but don’t worry…she’s now stable…it’s just that we have to put a new machine in her because her heart can fail anytime and we don’t want that to happen” she said and I looked at Clarise and saw tubes on her.

“Is she going to be fine? I mean….why is it all of a sudden her heart seems to be having a problem?” I asked.

“It happens to patients who are in coma...we’re going to have a twenty four hour observation on her…we have to transfer her to the Intensive Care Unit first” she said and I went cold.

Why do I have a feeling that she’s not in a good state right now and this doctor is just fooling me?  Why will they transfer her to the ICU? That place is just for people who are in a critical condition only, right?

“Are you going to transfer her now?” I asked

“What’s happening?” Charles hyung asked.

“They need to transfer Clarise to the ICU…her heart is having some problems” I answered and he gasped.

“Is she going to be fine? Is it something serious? WHAT?” he asked in panic.

“We still can’t say it but right now…she is…the reason why we’re transferring her to the ICU is for us to monitor her easily” she said and I sighed.

“OK…do whatever you need to do…just keep her alive” I told her and she nods.

“Don’t worry…we’re doing our best” she said and I faked a smile.

After an hour, they already wheeled Clarise to the ICU and all I can do is watch her outside the glass wall.

“Is she going to be fine?” Trish asked and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.

“She will be…I know that she will” I answered and she started crying again.

“I already called aunty and she’s already booking a flight for tomorrow to go here” she said and I nod.

Mom is in France right now because of her new restaurant, I update her everyday and I’m so glad that she’s going back here already. I know that Clarise needs her.

“Jiyong…we’re going to the rehearsals now…we already told YG hyung about what happened to Clarise and he told us that you can stay here to watch over her” TOP hyung said and I sighed.

“I’ll go with you…I know that I have to rehearse…Trish and Charles hyung are staying” I said and Trish nods.

“We’ll call you if something happened” she said and I nod.

“OK” I said.

I know that I have to be beside her, especially now, but I just can’t take seeing her with tubes. I feel like, if she can just complain, she will surely rant over the pain of all the needles and the tubes in her body.

“Hyung…Clarise is going to be fine” Daesung told me during our break.

“I don’t know…I’m slowly losing hope” I told him and he sighed.

“Yah! Jiyong-ah! Don’t even think of losing hope…Clarise needs that” TOP hyung butted in and I sighed.

“But hyung…haven’t you seen her awhile ago? She’s already having a hard time fighting for her life” I said.

“Yes…that scene of her being revived by the doctors scared the hell out of me…but Jiyong…we all know that she’s fighting for her life because of you…because of the people who loves her…and once she feels that you’re already giving her up…she might stop fighting and next thing you know it…you already lose her” he said and I just broke down and cried.

Thinking of her being gone forever is really painful. To be honest, I’m preparing myself for it already for there are times where I dream about her saying goodbye to me. Every day I ask God to help us and thank him for giving Clarise another day to live. Being in this situation is really hard and I’m still wishing it to be just a dream.

“Jiyong!” Jae wook hyung called out while running.

“What is it hyung?”I asked.

“Go to the hospital now” he said and I sped off right away.

What is it now? I really hope that nothing bad is happening to her.

“Hyung!” I called out to Charles hyung who is walking back and forth in front of Clarise’s room.

When I reached him, I saw the same scene once again. The doctors and nurses are surrounding Clarise and from that moment, I just fell down on the ground and cried.

She’s really giving in, I have a feeling that this is her way to tell me that she’s already tired. No. I’m not ready to give her up yet, I still need her.

“What’s happening?” Charles hyung asked the doctor when she came out of the room.

“Her heart stopped beating…we’re reviving her now” she answered.

Oh ! What will I do now? Her heart stopped beating already.

“Jiyong” Trish called out and bended down to hug me.

“I don’t want to lose her…I’m not ready yet….what will I do without her?” I keep on saying.

“We’re all not ready for it….but Jiyong…let’s try to be strong” she said.

How can I be strong after hearing that she’s slowly fading away? Images of her are flashing in my head and I just found myself crying so hard. I feel lost now, it’s like my life is being taken away from me.

I don’t know how long they’ve been reviving her, all I